Inuyasha, PI
by Ahja Reyn
Summary: Cowrite Discontinued. Rest can be found on LJ. Here in modern day Edopolis, Inuyasha is assigned to find the Shikon no Tama. In his quest for the jewel, he also intends to uncover his father's past and ends up running into more than he can handle alone.
1. Case File 01: File It Under 'Keh'

**Title**: InuYasha, P.I.  
**Authors**: Demitria Miriam and Ahja Reyn  
**Rating**: R  
**Main Pairing**: Sesshomaru/InuYasha  
**Warnings**: AU, yaoi, and other vulgarities.  
**Disclaimer**: We do not own the characters of InuYasha, nor do we get any money off making this.

**Summary**: In a world where human prejudice dictates whether one be accepted or rejected, pureblood demons have gone about creating a powerful underworld empire, leaving their half-breed kin behind to take on the brunt of human hostility.

InuTaishou Takahashi, a low class private investigator (as well as a pureblooded demon) is often forced to do the dirty work of the human police force - investigating crimes whose roots lie deep within demon society. He, along with his half-breed son InuYasha, often shoulder the biased views of both worlds as they go about their job disposing of the demons whom truly deserve the hatred of human society.

When Inuyasha's uncle, the police chief, gives him the assignment of locating the Shikon no Tama, the young half-breed finds himself infiltrated within the Demon World. Not only is he looking for this legendary jewel, he's also looking for answers as to how his father fell to the pits of human territory. Along the way come the answers he's looking for and some that absolutely refuse to go away, one of which is a demon named Sesshomaru.

* * *

**  
Case 1: File it Under 'Keh!'**

He watched them from atop a five story building, his form crouched on the outer stone hinges, peering down below. In one hand he held a video camcorder, his finger pausing and yielding just short of the Record button, while in his other hand he balanced a week old, stale cigarette that he'd barely even taken a drag of.

He was here on business. And what weak business it was, tagging and tracing a man (who in all actuality was a low level demon) that was currently escorting a fairly attractive female brunette into an alley, as a means of a "short cut."

The woman leisurely strolled with the man, turning into the alleyway without a second's hesitation. However, the moment the two beings passed by a large dumpster that blocked them from the view of the street, the man-demon was on her faster than you could say "Private Investigators." The shocked woman screamed and yelled for help before screaming some more. Apparently she wasn't aware that this man was no man at all, but a demon (who was currently changing into his true form).

_Ugh. A rat-demon_, Inuyasha Takahashi grunted, thinking. _I was dragged off a high-class sex scandal for a rat demon and some hussy? And that damn wolf always gets outta shit like this! Unbe-fuckin'-lievable!  
_  
Inuyasha fumed, growling as his claws lengthened slightly at what he knew was about to happen down below in the alleyway, and what he knew would happen to his father for assigning him to such a case.

The rat youkai finally made his move by shoving the young, naive female down upon the rough and cold cement near the filthy dumpster. She gave out a sharp cry, obviously startled by the sudden descent of her body. However, before she hit the ground, her elbow was caught rather harshly, almost causing her arm to be ripped out of its socket. The woman whimpered in pain, her eyes misty with the first signs of desperate tears, looking up confusedly at her date with oblivious eyes as to what was going to happen.

What they perceived wasn't something she was prepared to deal with. The handsome man that had escorted her to a fancy restaurant, and an overly romanticized movie earlier that night, was morphing into something akin to a huge and grotesque-looking weasel.

The woman's mind screamed at her the second after the transformation of her deceitful date was finished.

A demon. This was a demon!

And only when it kneeled down, straddling her legs so she was paralyzed from the waist down, did she realize its true intentions all along.

He was going to rape her.

She screamed bloody murder, only to be backhanded and strangled not a second later, a sharp hissing noise scolding her. The rat demon kept his fingers just between her throat and jaw line as a means to keep the stupid bitch silent.

Eyes widening to an almost impossible size, she watched fearfully as the beady, red-eyed monster used a finely clawed hand to undo her blouse's buttons easily with one sloppy swipe downward. She attempted to commence with her struggling but it was all in vain due to the nearly implausible strength of her assaulter.

As all of this was happening, Inuyasha still remained upon his perch, not making a move to help the woman just yet as he went about videotaping the incident; his left hand going for his radio tracker (a radio which had been simplified over the years to locate its owner via a small chip inside the communicator itself). He pressed the emergency numbers (1, 2, 7 and 666) to inform the receiving end (the Edopolis 27th Precinct) that there was (1) a rape about to take place, (2) a demon was involved in said assault and (7) yes, the officer and or detective (in this case, Inuyasha) was still alive and ready to stop the proceedings, so the cops better get off their fat asses and hurry the hell up, else he'll kill the guy, and leave the loose ends for them to tie up. The last part was Inuyasha's own special code (666), which was meant to enrage and entice the P.O. to get here A.S.A.P. He wasn't, after all, known for his patience and or civility.

Once the word was out to every cop within the vicinity, the half-breed's attention went back to the affairs at hand. He gave a disgusted sound from the back of his throat when the demon practically ripped off the woman's blouse. He was itching to just shut the stupid camcorder off and beat the living hell out of the demon, but he knew he had to wait until there was absolutely no doubt about it that this demon did indeed intend on raping his victim.

A moment or two passed before his cue came in the form of the disgusting bastard's hand making its way down the front of the woman's body in a weak attempt at undoing the fastener of the female's buttoned skirt. Inuyasha clicked the Off button on his now-solid evidence, slipped the tape itself into a secret pocket in his trench coat and then shoved the camcorder into a large side pocket, before jumping off the five story building with perfect ease.

Within the blink of an eye, the demon was ripped from his position above the girl and into the brick wall across the alley. Fortunately for Inuyasha, the demon was knocked out from the sudden and harsh impact of the collision, so there wasn't any more of a struggle on the rat's part and the half-breed wouldn't have to get his hands dirty with the rodent's filth.

_Damn, and here I was looking forward to a little brawl to loosen my nerves! _Inuyasha thought disdainfully. Man, this world just sucked and obviously had it out for him from the moment he was born.

"Keh, why do I always get stuck with the non-violent cases? That damn wolf gets all the action!" mumbled the irate hanyou as he turned around to see if the girl was alright.

The woman was shaking as she pushed herself up off the ground, obviously still in a state of shock as to what had just transpired. However, Inuyasha did not approach her. He simply stood in the shadows near the unconscious body of the demon just in case he tried anything tricky, as rats were apt in doing.

"You alright, miss?" he asked.

The girl looked up toward the voice of her savior. "I- Yes, I am. I- th-thank you, I- oh God... I thought he'd- I-"

"Everything's fine now, the bastard's out cold and the police'll be here any minute to lock this creep up and take you somewhere safe," Inuyasha informed her just as he was lighting up another week old cigarette.

Sirens could be heard closing in on their location and that was Inuyasha's cue to take his leave. He made to pick up a satchel he had dropped before he slammed the rat demon into the wall and walked toward the public street where his red motorcycle was parked. However, as he turned to leave, the woman came up to him, clinging herself to his person.

"Thank you! Thank you so much! I- I was so scared! I didn't even know he was- that he was-!" the woman began, but before she could finish she looked up toward her rescuer's face.

White hair. Animal-like ears. Gold Eyes. He was a demon, too!

She pushed him away from her and started to scream just as the police arrived. She ran toward one of the cars, crying and screaming still, frantically pointing at Inuyasha as if he had just tried to attack her.

"Him! He's-! He-"

Inuyasha had had enough. He walked toward the police cars where the woman stood, now clinging to a human cop who looked back and forth between the two confusedly.

"-just saved your miserable, narrow-minded life, you ungrateful wench," Inuyasha snarled at her, causing her to go even more wide-eyed then she already was and stepping back in astonishment. However, the look in her eyes had changed from fearful to apologetic, though she did nothing to voice her feelings.

Inuyasha paused on his way past the two, looking at the policeman she now clung to. "Here." He threw the camcorder into the officer's unoccupied arm. "The whole incident's on tape, the bastard's lying behind a garbage bin, and I'm taking the rest of the night off. Inuyasha out. Got that? Page me for something as mundane as this case and I'll rip your fucking balls off. Spread the word, pig sucker." And with that, the hanyou passed the rest of the human police and made his way to his motorbike.

Oh, yes. He would definitely be having a nice, long chat with his father about this.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

It wasn't until he was in the building and halfway up the steps leading to his father's office that he suddenly recalled that the tape was not with the camcorder. In fact, it was still in his pocket, bumping against his chest in time with his steps as he moved up the stairs.

With a growl of the utmost frustration, Inuyasha turned around and hurried back down the steps, heading outside to the structure next door.

He entered a large brick building that was about eight-stories high and older than the sinking of the Titanic. Engraved in stone above the entryway of the building was _Edopolis 27 Precinct_, which was eroding away and being taken over by small towns of moss people. That was Inuyasha's theory anyway.

The steps to the building were cracked and sinking into the ground beneath the cement. The railings that seemed to point to the entrance doors weren't any better; as rusty as an old tractor and as loose as a cheapened whore.

All in all, it was a homey kind of place.

Once inside, Inuyasha handed over the forgotten tape, albeit abashedly, to the proper authorities, giving them his normal greeting of the bird before walking out, not missing the cat calls that came his way.

Only a few paces to his left once outside the front door of the precinct, was his father's office building for the P.I.s.

Dragging himself up to the fourth floor, Inuyasha all but stomped toward the office door that adorned black letters, creating the name:

**InuTaishou Takahashi  
_Private Investigator_**

Many people were zipping back and forth throughout the hallway, though all either stopped and moved out of the way when they saw Inuyasha with the current expression on his face (pissed, pissed, and pissed), or jumped into the nearest room and locked the door. No one wished to be the brunt of the hanyou's anger.

Inuyasha threw the door open to reveal his father going through numerous stacks of papers that were piled on his desk. The half-breed didn't even bother shutting the door behind him as he went to stand in front of the desk, looking intently at the older man's bent forehead, seemingly hoping against hope that his father would either look up and see him as an adult and stop giving him all these half-assed cases, or, in the more likely event of the aforementioned not happening, that his head might explode. Either possibility worked in the half-breed's mind at the moment.

"How'd it go?" InuTaishou Takahashi asked, his eyes momentarily flickering to his son's positively livid face then back to the stacks of cut up trees.

"I didn't get there in time. That low level demon rat-shit-scum-bag raped and then killed the woman from what forensics tells me. Oh, and he ripped out her heart and ate it, either that or he's got some morbid collection of hidden organs we aren't aware of as of yet, and if that's the case, I personally don't want to be the one to find that stash," Inuyasha retorted.

"So you got there in time, got all the evidence we need to prosecute the offender and either knocked the culprit unconscious or beat him half to death and just left?" InuTaishou amended, not looking away from his papers.

"Well of course I did! Who do you think I am, that damn rookie, Patchi?!" Inuyasha said incredulously.

"That's Hatchi. And yes, I know you have the experience and skills of any professional detective or private investigator."

"Then why don't you put me on bigger cases? Why am I always stuck with these little matters while that damn wolf, who's suppose to be my partner, as in we work to-geth-er, gets all the glory cases!" Inuyasha huffed, finally taking a seat in one of the green leather chairs in front of his father's desk.

InuTaishou sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he ceased in examining the papers before him.

"Inuyasha, you know I have faith in your abilities, but you don't understand how dangerous it is out there. It's not just guns and knives doing the killing-"

"What the hell does that have to do with anything!" Inuyasha demanded.

"The point is that what you're doing, all these 'little matters,' aren't that at all. Rape and robbery are serious offenses," InuTaishou pointed out. "Besides, I just don't want you out there. Can you understand that? I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm not a pup anymore, dad. I'm twenty-two and I think it's high time I get bigger cases! I mean, seriously, I've grown up with the police officers and the PIs. I know what to do, I'm experienced, and to top it off, I'm part demon so I have that as an advantage as well. And anyway, I can take care of myself! So stop treating me like a kid!"

"Inuyasha," InuTaishou began warningly. _Then maybe you should start acting like an adult_, the old demon thought, shaking his head at Inuyasha's temper tantrum.

"No! I get trusted to go against rapists, burglars and murderers, but for some unknown reason you never put me on cases with Kouga when it comes to the drug rings and other Underworld, Black Market shit, and I wanna know why!"

"Inuyasha. Just take what the commissioner gives you. Be content in the knowledge that you haven't been kicked off the force yet for all the reckless behavior you've caused ever since you started."

"Whatever. The thing that I don't get is why exactly we're working under human cops. I mean, you're a full fledged demon. You could be whatever the hell you wanted. You could even start your own P.I. agency if you wanted. So why is it...?" Inuyasha wondered out loud.

"It's complicated," InuTaishou answered forlornly.

"Is it because I'm around, your filthy half-breed son?" Inuyasha asked. He had heard the other police officers talk about him and how his blood was tainted when he was younger. Though, since both humans and demons said this, he wasn't quite sure which part of him was tainted exactly.

"Of course that's not it! You think I would let anyone push me around where it concerns you? Bloodlines are of little consequence! It's the person's character that matters," InuTaishou almost yelled, shocked that his son would think such a thing, let alone use such words to describe himself.

"Keh, that's a load of horse shit and you know it! If that's true then, what exactly did you do before I came along, huh?" Inuyasha yelled, determined to get answers out of his father this time. "I'm not as clueless as you seem to think, old man. Every demon we talk to seems to know who you are and when they try to reminisce about the 'good old days' or whatever, you shut them up quicker than I could bat an eye!"

"The demons we've encountered have nothing worth listening to, it's only nonsense. You shouldn't believe everything you hear, Inuyasha," InuTaishou replied, going back to looking through his papers, determined to cut the conversation off at that.

"Did... Did you have a falling out or something with the demon world?" Inuyasha asked quietly. The desperate look InuTaishou saw on his son's face made him want to tell the boy everything.

The truth... that's what was, and had been, keeping his only son and him apart. Inuyasha... His wife was gone, and Inuyasha was all he had left now... his only family. And he really did owe it to the boy. It was the least he could do...

But before he could even answer, the phone rang.

"Takahashi here."

Inuyasha gave a frustrated sigh as he leaned back in his chair silently berating whoever the hell had the nerve to interrupt his father's and his "heart-to-heart" conversation.

"Right now? Yes. I understand." Click.

"Who was that?" Inuyasha asked, leaning back even more into his chair and propping his feet up on the desk in front of him.

"Your uncle. He wishes to see you in his office promptly," InuTaishou said, standing up and throwing his son's dirty shoes off of his usually immaculate desk.

"So, did you have a falling out with-" Inuyasha tried again, sitting up straighter.

"Promptly means right now, Inuyasha. Not in ten or fifteen minutes," came his father's curt reply.

Inuyasha fumed, slamming his fist down on the desk before him as he stood up with a huff, walking out of his father's office and slamming the door shut, almost shattering the glass in his wake.

If not his old man, then maybe he could get more answers out of his uncle.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

Inuyasha walked in the direction of his uncle's office, having already left his father's building. Rounding many file cabinets, and zigzagging his way through a cluster of desks where random people were being charged with their random crimes, he made it to the office which sported large black letters across the door, stating the importance of the one within.

**Commissioner **

Inuyasha knocked three times before hearing a quiet "Enter," coming from his uncle inside. He realized the other man, who was sitting at his desk, was on the phone and therefore sat down quietly and waited patiently.

"...yes, yes, I see. Alright. Then that clears everything up. Good." Click. "Ah, Inuyasha. Thank you for coming so quickly."

The aforementioned grunted in acknowledgment.

"I called you here for two reasons. The first is that the demon you saved Ms. Yura from-"

"Ehh, who?" Inuyasha asked, clearly confused.

"The almost-rape victim you saved tonight. Anyway, once the perpcame to, he claimed that he was mugged and demanded justice."

"WHAT?!" Inuyasha roared, sitting up a little straighter in his chair now.

"Calm down. Since you recorded the whole incident, you're clear of any misdemeanors and possible charges. He'll be trialed, found guiltily, and either given such a huge fine that no one in this world could pay it off in their lifetime, or sentenced to prison. Either way, he's out of your hands for now."

"Oh. Good. That bastard needs to pay, and I don't care what form it's in, either," Inuyasha stated. "By the way, what's my next assignment?"

"That was my other reason for calling you here," his uncle replied. "Your next assignment involves a jewel."

The half-breed scowled, offended in the most obvious way. "I don't want another petty robbery case."

The older man chuckled, and smiled at his nephew. "It's not a robbery case. Not yet anyway." Inuyasha's face shone with curiosity as he leaned forward to listen intently. "There's an old and powerful jewel whose existence has just come to my attention. The jewel is called the Shikon no Tama, or rather, the Jewel of Four Souls. I want it found before it falls into the hands of a demon. You're probably wondering why exactly this is so important. The fact of the matter is, this jewel has been proven to have the power to grant the desires of the person who has it in their possession. So you can see why we must be careful of who has ownership of it. What do you say? Are you up to it?"

Inuyasha jumped to his feet, eagerly declaring, "I'll take it!"

"Alright then, the case is yours. However, I'd like to know where you're going to start. Not many know about the jewel so I doubt there'd be local knowledge about it, and even if there was, I'd be skeptical," the older man said.

"I think the best place to start is with Myouga…"

"That old flea demon?"

"Yeah. He's got about every bit of knowledge of the past 2,000 years in manuscripts and the like. He'd be the person to go to, or at least the person to start at," Inuyasha said.

"Yes. That sounds like a good place to begin. But I warn you, Inuyasha. This is a huge case you're working on. I think it'd be best to not divulge to anyone that you have this particular assignment, not even to your father," the older man said thoughtfully, handing the hanyou the case file on the Shikon no Tama.

"I understand, Uncle," he nodded in agreement. "Well, I better be off. I'll report back as soon as I have any shred of information."

Inuyasha's ears perked excitedly. Finally, a real case to work on. And his uncle hadn't even said anything about having to work with his partner, the wolf demon, Kouga. Excellent! Finally he could show his father he was capable of doing the nitty gritty and the big nasty all by himself!

Now, since he'd accepted the case on the Shikon no Tama, he could use this opportunity to find some small trails to his father's past which would ultimately lead him to the truth of exactly what his father did before Inuyasha's birth. He had to have fallen from a high spot to now be working _under_ the human police.

_All I have to do is infiltrate some of the main demon circles to find out what happened back then_, Inuyasha thought. _But I think I'll wait until tomorrow night to start. Right now I just need to familiarize myself with the Shikon file and catch some Z's... and maybe some ramen._

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

The commissioner was about to call back his nephew when his phone gave a shrill cry. And by the time he looked back toward the door, Inuyasha was gone.

"Damn," he mumbled, picking up the receiver. "Hello? Yes, this is the Police Commissioner, Naraku Onigumo."

* * *

**Next Time on INUYASHA, P.I. Case 2: The Miasma**  
_After tearing apart the whole fucking city in an attempt to find my sorry excuse for a partner, I'm forced to dance dirty with the bastard in order to get some answers. And then the little shithead has the audacity to leave me horny – I mean hanging - rather than uphold his end of the bargain! I swear I'm going to beat his ass next time I see him, regardless of the fact he actually found me a way in to the Underground Demon Rings._

* * *

**Blooper Reel: **

Inuyasha clicked the Off button on his now-solid evidence, slipped the tape itself into a secret pocket in his trench coat, and then shoved the camcorder into a large side pocket before jumping off the five story building with perfect ease.

He didn't even need to look down as he fell, having done this many times before when cornering a victim. Hardly a sound was made as the wind whipped up passed him, his eyes lowered to calculate his landing only to widen comically as panic set in. Oh SHI-!!

With a loud bang, Inuyasha landed in a dumpster, heaps of garbage flying up at the sudden intrusion.

"Er…" the director leaned forward, set and crew hands all frozen in shock. "Let's just cut the 'jumping off the building' scene out, then, shall we? CUT!"

**Doodle-eh-doo! **

He headed towards the large brick building that was about eight-stories high and older than the sinking of the Titanic. Inuyasha looked up to where _Edopolis 27th Precinct_ was engraved above the entryway, only to have a large paper banner with bright orange lettering land on his head.

"CUT! Alright, who's the moron who rented the building out for the HOOTERS _CONVENTION_?!?"


	2. Case File 02: The Miasma

**Case 2: The Miasma**

It seemed that every time Inuyasha Takahashi needed to find his partner, he always ended up with the same result; empty handed. That asshole always seemed to have the excuse of being too busy, what with supposedly always being "on a huge, ground-breaking case," to swap words with the hanyou. However Inuyasha had a sneaking suspicion that the bastard wolf avoided him on purpose. And if that were the case, the little fucker had better be prepared to have the crap beat out of him because by the time Inuyasha would be through with him, he wouldn't even have a tail to tuck between his scrawny little legs when scampering off in defeat.

So, how to find his partner when he wouldn't answer his cell phone, house phone, office phone, emails, or beeper? Simple. Scour his personal office of course!

Inuyasha carefully looked under, over, and side to side throughout Kouga Mikuni's personal office. When that didn't yield any results, he began to dig through, throw around, and scatter anything he could get his hands on in search of any evidence that might be an indication of said flea bag's whereabouts.

And then he turned to the "Currently Working On..." board on the back of the wolf's door.

Ah ha! Found it!

**Place: The Miasma  
Date: Thursday, 9:30pm  
Target: Bankotsu Banryuu**

The signature and date on the bottom of the small piece of paper indicated that this was a fresh, authentic case that Inuyasha's uncle had recently given Kouga.

So, the flea bag was cruising a high-class demon club, huh? Well, if that's where Kouga was, that's where Inuyasha would go. He needed information on some of the main demon circles in the Edopolis area if he were to not only find information on the Shikon no Tama but also obtain any clues as to what his father did before he was born.

Inuyasha figured he had his work cut out for him. Especially since he was nothing but a "lowly half-breed" going into a "pure-bloods preferred" club (in this case "preferred" meaning they went by the, "if you're not a pure-blood, be prepared to have the shit beat out of you before we skin you alive, roast your meat, feed it to the rats, and toss your bones at the homes of your loved ones so they can try to piece you back together to give you a proper burial" type of slogan).

So, naturally he adorned himself with pretty little accessories. Such as a Magnum .44 and a switch knife.

Yes, tonight would definitely be interesting. And it was only 8:30pm.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

The club, called The Miasma, was near an old docking ground, meaning the air around the vicinity smelt of fish and underpaid employees. The club itself, on the outside, looked like nothing more than a run down, weather-beaten warehouse; the only indication that this was the place Inuyasha was looking for was the purple florescent sign of _The Miasma_ just above the entryway doors.

Somewhat apprehensively, Inuyasha slid off of his red Honda 919 motorbike, and threw the keys into the hands of the valet, who looked more than a little stunned that a hanyou was going to try and enter such an exclusive club. Raising an eyebrow at the stunned demon holding his keys, the hanyou began to over-confidently stride toward the main doors, down the dark blue carpet, between the parallel blood-colored ropes, and past the stunned and/or disgusted faces of the anxious patrons that waited at the sidelines.

The valet looked toward the doors in the direction of the ever watchful bouncers, as if for clarification as to what his next actions should be. Nodding their heads toward the car-parking demon, the bouncers' expressions implied that he should continue with his duties.

The only reason the bouncers would allow the half-demon in was due to the fact that if the Big Guy spotted him he'd be out of the club before he could blink anyway; which would be less of a struggle for them now and more entertainment for everyone later.

As Inuyasha walked toward the bouncers, he wondered exactly what they would do. He realized their gazes had been fixed on him since he arrived and he was quite suspicious of all the unwanted attention. If they wanted to bully him about his bloodline then so be it! He was more than ready for a good fight!

Stepping up in front of the bouncers, who looked down at the scrawny little half-dog before them, Inuyasha gave a toothy grin.

"Hello boys, having a good time, I see. Looking good there, Pee-Wee," the hanyou joked.

"Hey! I thought I smelled something foul! Looks like some_thing_ forgot where it belongs and came crawling up out of the sewage drains!!" came a voice from the crowd.

Inuyasha's ears flattened against his head as he growled lowly, ready for any more smart-ass comments that might be sent his way.

"You're in," one of the guards said suddenly, moving to the side and allowing Inuyasha access to the club.

Inuyasha stared momentarily, somewhat aghast. A second later he came to his senses, moving forward and into the seemingly endless depths of the night club.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

Walking into the club was like stepping into a completely different world, considering the "welcoming committee" at the entrance. Whereas the outside was dull and cold, the atmosphere inside was sensual and full of several different types of heat. The beat of the music thrummed throughout Inuyasha's being, causing his lungs and internal organs to vibrate in retaliation.

Many of the people inside were either dancing about the marble floor, drinking at the bar, or casually conversing upstairs on the over-look balcony. Inuyasha had a feeling that only the "important" people were permitted up there, due to the three or four guards at the top and bottom of the winding staircase. VIP only, you know.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. Stuck up assholes, every last one of them.

Speaking of assholes... Where would that damn Kouga be? Inuyasha's head turned from side to side, trying to discern his partner's particular scent from all the others in the room but to no avail. It was impossible! There were too many sweaty, unsatisfied and demanding bodies grinding against each other to discern the wolf's scent. And too many people with dark hair to pinpoint the stupid canine's _big fat, stupid head!_

Figuring that Kouga would find him faster than he would find the aforementioned, he gave up and headed toward the bar, ordering a simple shot of vodka.

The bartender scowled as he realized who was asking for the hard alcohol, and slammed the Russian drink down on the counter before the filthy half-demon.

"Hey!" Inuyasha exclaimed as half the liquid splashed out of the small shot glass. But the bartender was no longer listening, his back already turned in favor of facing a couple of pure-bloods who obviously found the exchange highly amusing.

"I'm not paying for the shit you spilled," Inuyasha grumbled quietly, licking the sides of the glass in order to salvage what he could without looking like an idiot before tossing his head back to drink what was inside.

As he downed the drink that pulsed and burned down his throat, he felt a strong arm wrap around his stomach from behind, as a rough hand grabbed what it could of his bottom, causing Inuyasha to choke and sputter on the fiery liquid he was halfway through swallowing.

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" asked a familiar, albeit husky, voice.

Inuyasha nearly leapt out of his skin at the audacity of those hands. Only when the being from behind spoke did he realize who it was exactly that was fucking around with him.

"Kouga, you fucking asshole!" Inuyasha snarled over the noise. He batted the arm off of him and turned around to face the wolf. "That was really fucking lame. How many times have you been bitch slapped for doing that? You don't pick up chicks with lines like that do you?"

"Oh come on, dog breath, I was only messing with you. Besides, what the hell are you _doing_ in a place like this? What? Are you lost?" Kouga voiced teasingly. " Paradise is a long way from here."

"I need to talk to you," Inuyasha growled low in his throat, effectively voicing his response. However, far be it from Kouga to let that deter his roll with creepy pickup lines.

"Uh huh, and how the hell did you get past the bouncers?" the wolf asked, ignoring the dog's reasons in favor of more interesting gossip, arching an eyebrow in his comrade's direction suspiciously.

"Knocked 'em out and threw 'em in a dumpster in the back of the alley," Inuyasha said, choosing only to acknowledge the last part of the statement with words.

"Sure, mutt, sure. They probably let you in only to see your ass get thrown outta here when the Big Guy gets a whiff of your disgusting stench," Kouga countered. "Although, there are ways to mask such an unappealing scent…"

Inuyasha scowled. "I don't stink! And what do you mean you can mask my scent? You can't mask someone's scent! The most you can do is rub yourself all over me and…Oh." A bright blush settled on the half breed's cheeks.

"A little slow there, aren't you, mutt?"

"What!" Inuyasha sputtered. Kouga walked three steps forward, effectively pinning Inuyasha against the bar, hands on either side of the hanyou to make sure he didn't escape. "What are you-?!"

Kouga's mouth neared Inuyasha's ear.

"Listen, mutt face. I'm on an important mission at the moment. I need you to help me out a bit. That's what partners do, right? So do me this favor and I'll consider favoring _you_ a little later, yeah?" came a heated promise, emphasized with a slight roll of the hips.

"I- Who are- But I don't-!!" were the only coherent words Inuyasha was able to sputter out.

"Come on, all you've gotta do is dance with me for a bit until I get a certain someone's attention. He's looked over my way a couple of times but has yet to make a move. I suspect it's because I've only danced with women here, so he's apprehensive as to approach me. Now if he sees me with you..." Kouga said, trailing off to let his devious plan sink into the thick-headed hanyou's shocked little brain.

"Fine. But no funny business, got that!" Inuyasha stated firmly, allowing himself to be led out onto the floor of grinding bodies and continuously gyrating hips.

Already Inuyasha was overwhelmed by the obvious smell of arousal that almost every single demon in the building was giving off, and it was starting to affect his performance; he felt droopy and lazy as if he were in a dream, yet a thrill of excitement was throbbing through his being. He found himself having no qualms about letting himself be sucked up into the erotic world of the underground demon club, let alone Kouga's wandering hands and languid moving body.

Wait…Kouga's wandering hands…?

"Hey! Watch your hands, you jerk! I told you not to try anything!" Inuyasha snapped.

"I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there." Kouga smirked, nibbling lightly on the shell of the half-breed's ear.

The music was thick with vibration and thrumming with unsatisfied hunger for the bodies to move against each other until they either reached that pinnacle of pleasure their very nerve endings screamed out for, or died from the exhaustion of trying.

Kouga moved around in order to have Inuyasha's back against his chest. He sealed himself there, holding tightly to the body of the hanyou in front of him, his hands slowly moving around in their newly launched exploration of the taut muscles that were currently flexing back and forth with the music from underneath Inuyasha's red, form fitting, sleeveless shirt.

The wolf's hips swiveled and bucked up against the hanyou's behind, effectively causing an unwanted reaction on Inuyasha's behalf.

The half-demon stiffened and cursed his partner for being so raunchy.

"Just relax... Keep your mind focused on the music's beat and the rhythm of my body against yours," Kouga murmured as he let his arm slip across the front of Inuyasha's hips, the other cupping his jaw so he could have better access to the white-haired inu's neck and shoulder.

"Uhh-mm," Inuyasha mumbled, closing his eyes as he did as was instructed. After all, the hanyou was helping his partner out on an important, top secret mission...

"That's right," Kouga breathed; lips and teeth gliding across exposed flesh. He licked at the perspiration that was now starting to adorn his partner's body, worshiping the lightly tanned skin that tasted of nothing but Inuyasha.

Hips then began to roll back and forth, answering the thrusting call that was coming from behind as Inuyasha allowed himself to drown in the sea of lust and passion.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

As all the bodies on the dance floor melted against each other, sharp golden eyes roamed across the room in an almost bored manner from the over-look balcony above. It wasn't until he saw a flash of white swirling around in the front of the room near the DJ stand was his most sought-after attention seized.

"Jaken," came his straight-to-the-point voice, eyes still locked on the white-haired demon on the dance floor.

"Y-yes, sir?" came a small green toad-like demon's reply.

"Who is that, dancing with the wolf youkai in the front?"

"Who- Oh, you mean the one dancing with Kouga Mikuni? That damn wolf's been trying to get your attention for the last month that he's come here." Jaken began to rant. "Why on earth-"

"Who is dancing _with_ him, Jaken; that is what I wish to know."

"Oh! Well, I - I don't know, sir!" the toad-like demon replied hastily, bowing his head for he had already assured himself of a beating for not knowing the answer to the question that his boss had asked.

"Find out," was the only harsh thing that came.

"Yes, sir!" And with that the imp went downstairs, weaving in and out of couples that seemed to be glued together by their sweat... and if that wasn't sweat that was currently between the bodies then...

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

"Why don't we go somewhere a little less crowded and a little more comfortable to…_talk_?" Kouga suggested sexily into the ears of a practically submissive hanyou. Fuck his mission! He had the next best thing!

Inuyasha frowned as the words slowly registered their way through the fog that seemed to cloud his mind before growling out in irritation.

"If we're going anywhere to _talk_, I'll be the one doing the _talking!_"

"I'm up for trying anything once," Kouga grinned as his hands once again yielded all malicious intent of the hanyou.

"Actually, he's wanted else where," came a squeaky voice from below. Unfortunately the two in question didn't hear it. "Hey!"

At first neither demon responded; Kouga was too busy laboring his ministrations onto Inuyasha's neck and grinding his palm over the rapidly forming erection beneath the hanyou's tight jeans, while Inuyasha was simply too busy enjoying it.

"I say! YOU THERE!" came an even louder demand to be noticed. Kouga paused, but only glanced over to the side. Seeing no one looking his way, he was about to continue his duty to his country when something hit him in the shin. Hard.

"Ow! What the fuck-! Who the hell are you!" Kouga snapped, glaring down at the little frog, or whatever the hell it was.

"I am Jaken. Tell me who you're white-haired companion is!" Jaken demanded.

Inuyasha's head snapped down to the vertically challenged demon, a growl forming in his throat. However, a well placed squeeze from Kouga's hand turned that growl into little more than a whimper.

"Let me handle this," Kouga muttered before moving to stand in front of Inuyasha, hand still kneading at the hanyou's groin so as to keep his mind elsewhere. It wouldn't do to have the mutt's train of thought focused on the conversation at hand. "He's mine. Who the hell wants to know?"

Jaken glared at the possessive wolf demon for a moment. "Fine! You are both to come with me then!" And with that, Jaken turned around and headed back up the balcony, mentioning to the guards that the couple was allowed upstairs.

Kouga scowled. "You'd better get out of here," he ordered, moving to follow the little imp.

"What?! He said the both of us!" Inuyasha said angrily.

Damn it, so the mutt had been paying attention after all! God only knows what would happen to his half-breed partner if he were allowed to tag along with him for the rest of the night in such a place.

"_Inuyasha!_ Think about where you are!" Kouga demanded as he waved an arm around at the demons who were now staring at the couple Jaken had deemed worthy enough of going upstairs. "Get the fuck out of here before things get out of hand."

Inuyasha paused, his face expressing his shock. Kouga only ever used his real name when he was up to something concerning a case (or when he was concerned about the hanyou's welfare. Though far be it from the ookami to admit such a thing).

"Keh, I can more than handle any of these wimps," he growled, ignorant of the responding threatening growls around him.

Kouga stepped forward until he and Inuyasha were standing chest-to-chest. "Listen, half-breed, I'm here on a case. You agreed to help catch someone's eye, and now I've obviously caught it. Now leave." Kouga pushed the hanyou back with a clawed hand.

Inuyasha quickly recovered, claws lengthening when a heavy hand landed on Kouga's shoulder. The wolf demon turned to see one of the large balcony guards standing behind him.

"Are you coming or what?" the guard asked deeply.

"Heh, guess I really did get the Big Guy's attention," Kouga smirked.

"Huh? Wait, you can't go! Come on, you asshole, I really needed to talk to you about…something!" Inuyasha all but yelled, suddenly remembering the case he was supposed to be working on as Kouga started walking. "That's the whole reason I showed up in the first place!"

The hanyou wasn't sure as to why he was calling out to the irritant. Maybe it was because he was horny and wanted desperately to get off or maybe it was because he really did want to talk about "stuff" with Kouga, or maybe he really still wanted to punch the bastard's face in. Thankfully, though, the wolf had enough courtesy to stop and hear the half-breed out.

"Well, get to it then, you've got less than a minute," the wolf demon said, looking at his watch to time it.

"What!" Inuyasha sputtered, though he'd take what he could get at the moment. "I'm looking for something that's really rare, and that demons would do anything to get a hold of, do you know of anything like that? Or what about-!" But before Inuyasha could ask about what his father had once done, Kouga spoke.

"Okay, time's up, dog crap. I don't know of anything like that. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a hot date with Mister Big." And with that Kouga turned.

"Hot date? You mean with that Bankotsu Banryuu guy?" Inuyasha called out, forgetting the importance of secrecy during a case. Kouga stopped dead in his tracks, turning around slowly.

"You went through my office again, didn't you, mutt face! You'd better not have messed anything up or else I'll rip your stinkin' head off and feed your brains to your old man!" Kouga spat.

"Promises, promises, flea bag," Inuyasha smiled flirtatiously, waving his hand dismissively in the air while walking back over to the bar. Damn it, he'd have to talk to the office's cleaning lady about fixing up the wreck that was once Kouga's office.

"And just for your information, the perp never showed. I'm out on my _own_ quest now!" Kouga added deviously.

Inuyasha turned around, completely scandalized. "You're looking to get laid aren't you, you dirty-!!"

"Nyahahaha!" was all that came from the allusive wolf demon. And with that, Kouga made his way up to the balcony as Inuyasha went to introduce his belly to another shot of vodka.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

"So you don't know who he is?" Jaken asked suspiciously of the wolf demon.

"Not a clue," came Kouga's bored and slightly irritated voice.

"But you said he was yours!" Jaken shouted, pointing an accusing finger.

Kouga shrugged. "He was going to be my anonymous conquest for the night, so what?"

"You spoke with him as if you were comrades," came the voice of the man Kouga was desperately trying to get attention from earlier. Something about the way the demon said the word "spoke" indicated that he didn't exactly mean light conversation over tea and cake.

"Actually we've got this slightly morbid relationship thing going-" the wolf began.

"Yet your _actions_ seem to speak volumes of your lust," came that voice again, however this time his tone was bit more accusatory. And a little angry sounding.

"Like I said, a morbid relationship. We were aiming for some hate sex, if you must know." It seemed as if Kouga was already rejected before he even came up the stairs and that the wolf demon's plans on finding a way into the sex slave ring were destroyed by his half-breed partner.

_Damn it, dog crap, you will pay, you little bastard!_ he growled to himself.

"So, you are of no use to me then. Jaken, escort him off of the balcony," the voice ordered dully.

"Wait! He said he was looking for something. That's why he came here, he sought me out, because I'm in some of the main underground circles," Kouga spoke suddenly, desperate for something he wasn't quite sure of yet.

"And that would be?"

"…"

"You're testing the little patience that I have left, _wolf_," came the smooth yet intimidating voice from the seated demon.

"He's looking for something that's highly rare, coveted by demons… but he didn't say what it was exactly. That's all I know," Kouga answered, knowing that blurting something out like this was dangerous.

"Very well. I believe, Jaken, that Mr. Mikuni came here for one reason only, am I correct?"

Kouga glared at the demon who was seated on a lounge couch with narrowed, suspicious eyes. The being wore tight black leather pants and a silky white dress shirt, the buttons of his top left halfway open, a toned chest peeking out from behind, inviting all to look and lust but never touch. All this and a glass of red wine in one hand gave him an aura that exuded of nothing but power, money and lots and lots of very good sex. At least for whoever was fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of a more than likely rare coupling. What one wouldn't give to either be in his pants or have him in theirs.

"I don't-"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You came here in search of Bankotsu Banryuu, who was going to divulge the secrets of a sex slave trade ring and help you get in so that you could blow the operation's cover, am I correct?"

Kouga's jaw clenched a moment before answering. "Like I said. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just here to get _laid_, and seeing as how I've been distracted from a potentially good fuck…"

The demon in front of Kouga narrowed his eyes at the audacity the wolf had, before responding. "I believe you've had numerous encounters with... an acquaintance of mine." A pause. "Jakotsu!" the demon beckoned.

The wolf demon frowned. Jakotsu? Now why did that name sound so familiar…?

"Yes, sir?" the human servant asked softly, coming to stand at the demon's side and bowing his head in respect.

Kouga's eyes widened as he saw the human before him, instantly recognizing him. Jakotsu?! He was-?! This couldn't-?! It was a _human_ slave trading ring?!

"I think it best that you and Mr. Mikuni here become… _reacquainted_ with one another. Now that you realize that you were in all along, what are you going to do about it?" the demon asked, his attention back on the ookami.

Smirking as he appraised the man brought before him, his lust made obvious by the lecherous licking of his lips, Kouga answered, "Get laid, what else?"

Jakotsu had the decency to blush as he nodded and led a surprised but soon-to-be-satisfied Kouga down the stairs and over to a door that led to the connected building, which, conveniently, happened to be a hotel.

The demon in charge spoke again from his position on the dark blue velvet couch.

"Jaken. See to it that the hanyou is escorted out of the building with these instructions," the male demon said, handing the imp a piece of folded paper. "Oh, and Jaken?"

"Y-yes, sir?" the imp trembled.

"Have him taken out discreetly. The patrons here are already in a crazed enough mind-set as it is and I do not want to cause a riot in my club." With that the small toad was dismissed.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

Inuyasha scowled at the empty shot glass as he waited for a refill, fighting the urge to grind his hips into the counter to relieve some of the stagnant pressure that was currently throbbing between his legs. God, he needed to hump something hard and raw. If he got blue balls later on, he was going to hunt that bastard down, and tear him a new one!

"Half-breed," came a sultry accent from behind Inuyasha's slouched-over-the-bar form.

He grunted, not even bothering to turn around.

"I know you can hear me, you mongrel," said a low, seductive voice. And suddenly a warm hand was placed on his shoulder, spinning him around to face-

-a dark haired, red eyed beauty.

"Yo."

"Whadda ya want, wench? You wanna be my bitch for the night or somethin'?" Inuyasha slurred out after eyeing the woman for a moment, leaning against the bar and taking a shot of his refilled vodka. She wasn't all that bad. Glass figure, sizeable tits... yeah, it looked like a good place to call home for the night, and his cock jumped in agreement.

"Watch your tongue, you _wretch_," growled the woman, a fierce light glowing in her eyes. She tapped a closed fan against her lips impatiently, wondering fleetingly why her boss was having her do his dirty work. "I have business with you, so keep your mouth shut."

"Keh... Then say what you've got to say already!"

"I am Kagura, and you, half-breed, are looking for something, are you not? That's why you came here, wasn't it? To find answers to the questions you seek."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Inuyasha huffed.

Kagura smirked. "Just because I don't know what it is you search for, doesn't mean that I cannot give you a path to follow."

Inuyasha scowled, snorting at the woman's audacity. "I'm searching for a way to relieve the tension in my pants. And right now, your annoying mouth is looking like a good path to me."

"You _reek_ of impure blood, half-demon." Kagura snarled, wanting to get her job over and done with as quickly as possible. What her superior saw in such a vulgar being was completely beyond her. "Yet, I wonder, has it not even crossed your tiny and insignificant mind as to why you're still sitting in this very spot, unbothered by the club's pure-blooded consumers?"

"Feh, how the hell should I know?! Could be they all know not to mess with me, considering-"

"Oh, _spare me_. The reason you were even allowed in this place to begin with is because the owner consented to your entering. Makes for some good entertainment, ne?" Kagura cackled at Inuyasha's frown. "In any case, if your quest is so important that you'd risk your neck in such a high-class place then you'll risk more than just that and be at The Bone Eaters Well next Tuesday at 8pm sharp. That is, if you really want the answers to your questions."

Inuyasha grunted a noncommittal response, finding himself suddenly seized by either of his arms by two big, _ugly_ bouncers.

"See you around, half-breed," Kagura waved, turning around and walking back up to the balcony.

And with that Inuyasha was escorted out of The Miasma.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

A week passed as Inuyasha Takahashi contemplated whether or not he should meet with this mystery person at the Well of Eating Boners or whatever the hell it was called.

It wasn't until the day of the scheduled meeting that Inuyasha finally cracked, telling himself that he might as well see what the whole arrangement was about.

"Hey, dad?" Inuyasha said, as he walked into his father's office with the pile of paper work that was for his made-up case.

"Yes, Inuyasha?" InuTaishou responded, his brow furrowing at the numerous folders Inuyasha slammed down on the desk before him.

"Do you know of any fancy shmancy place called The Eating Bones Well?" the hanyou asked, slumping down into one of the chairs in front of his father's desk, but not before grabbing a soda from his father's mini fridge.

InuTaishou finally looked up from the paper work. "You mean, _The Bone Eaters Well_, I presume."

"Yeah, that's what I said. What kinda place is it?"

"The Bone Eaters Well is an extremely exclusive restaurant that only high-class demons and immensely rich ningens are allowed in to. Unless of course, someone that's in neither of those two categories has some kind of arrangement with one or the other. Reservations and fancy dress required. Why do you ask?"

"Oh. Do you really gotta dress all nice and stuff?" Inuyasha asked, determined not to answer InuTaishou's questions.

"Like I said, exclusive. This isn't just a dinner jacket and new socks type of place, Inuyasha. Think Armani and Versace."

"_That_ nice, huh? Damn..." Inuyasha cursed. There was no way he was about to deplete his New Bike fund over a shirt and a new suit. Looks like he'd have to make a quick stop at Kouga's place and raid his closet without giving away all the sordid details.

"Got a hot date or something tonight?" InuTaishou asked.

"Yeah, something like that. I gotta go and find that flea bag, seeing as how he's probably the only other one that's about my size with clothes _that_ expensive," Inuyasha said, waving a goodbye to his father and heading out the door.

_So, an exclusive restaurant, huh? Wonder who this mystery person is... I hope she's good looking_, Inuyasha thought as he straddled his bike and zoomed off into the direction of Kouga's flat.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

As his son left the office, InuTaishou sat back, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair, a thoughtful look on his face.

It was odd, all this paperwork for such a simple case of robbery. The old demon snorted his suspicions away, mumbling, "Keh, all these long hours are finally catching up to me."

He sat up right again, going through the paperwork once more, confusion staining his fine features all over again as to why there was so much to begin with.

"Inuyasha... What exactly are you doing behind my back now?"

* * *

**Next time on INUYASHA P.I. Case 3: The Bone Eater's Well**  
_That damn wolf goes sticking his nose in where it doesn't belong and effectively ruins my ENTIRE dinner with my mystery date – which is no longer a mystery, by the way. Well, my date's still a mystery, but at least I know their name now, right? And what the hell! Why does this whole set up feel like one of those retarded dating services! And what's with this burning in my lower stomach every time I look into my date's eyes?

* * *

_

**Blooper Reels:**

And then he turned to the "Currently Working On…" board on the back of the wolf's door, only to find…a picture…of _his_ head…taped over the body of a…Playboy centerfold model?!?

"WHAT THE FUCK IS **_THAT_?!?**"

"Oh my," InuTaishou commented as he walked in on the set. "Inuyasha, I…don't know what to say…"

"Fire him! Kill him!" Inuyasha demanded. "This is a gross violation of my priva-"

"You should have told me you got a sex change operation."

"**WHAT?!?**"

"Oi…CUT!"

**Doodle-eh-doo! **

The wolf's hips swiveled and bucked up against the hanyou's behind, effectively causing an unwanted reaction on Inuyasha's behalf.

The half demon stiffened, but before he could turn to snap at his partner, a sight presented itself that caused both men to freeze.

InuTaishou tangoed passed the two of them, a small, struggling green imp in his arms, not at all happy about the large rose that had been unceremoniously stuffed into his mouth.

"D-dad?"

Rather than reply, the older man broke into a song that fit with his rhythmic steps. "Rooxanne! You don't have to put on that red light!"

"CUT!" the director cried. "Who allowed the old man into the bar's private stock?"

**Doodle-eh-doo! **

"Half-breed," came a sultry accent from behind Inuyasha's slouched over the bar form.

He grunted, not even bothering to turn around.

"I know you can hear me, you mongrel," said a low seductive voice. And suddenly a warm hand was placed on his shoulder, spinning him around a little too quickly as he slipped from his stool and crashed to the floor in confusion.

Kagura blinked. "Okay, how many drinks has the kid had?"

"CUT!"


	3. Case File 03: The Bone Eater's Well

**Case 3: The Bone Eater's Well**

Inuyasha Takahashi was rampaging through Kouga Mikuni's closet before the wolf even realized he was within five feet of the apartment. Piles upon piles of clothes were accumulated on his king sized bed by the time his brain registered the "Hey Kouga, I'm raiding your closet." And when he finally reached his bedroom, the previously wooden floor was carpeted in a new, chic style known as Hugo Boss and Armani.

"What the HELL are you doing in my flat, mutt face?!" Kouga roared, wide-eyed, as he watched some of his best jackets fly through the air, narrowly missing his head. "And how the hell did you pick all four locks without triggering the damn alarm system!"

"I need something to wear tonight," Inuyasha mumbled, ignoring the last question as he ripped off his own shirt and threw it over his shoulder before continuing to rummage about madly. He needed something classy and dashing…something similar to what he had seen his partner wear to fancy establishments from time to time while on a case.

So why – when on the hanger – did all of these outfits scream gay! Gay! GAY!??

Of course, being the kind of person that he was in the fashion department (arrogant, slow and slightly stupid), Inuyasha had no idea that those who weren't fashionably challenged were able to choose a shirt from one side of their closet to go with a pair of pants they had folded neatly in their dresser drawer (that was on the other side of the room, too!). Add that to a nice blazer and presto! You'd have yourself a nice ensemble.

Suddenly, the hanyou's attention was piqued by something black and shiny.

_Oo! This looks almost promising!_

"Wear your own goddamn clothes, you poor excuse for a half dog!"

"I can't. I don't have fancy shit like you," Inuyasha said as he pulled what seemed to be a nice shirt down over his head. "And I have to dress up if I wanna be allowed in the Boner's Well."

Kouga's brows shot up past his forehead as he nearly choked in surprise. "Th- The Boner's Well? Isn't that a little…beyond your comfort zone?"

The ookami demon couldn't quite see his partner spending one iota of his time at such a raunchy place. The Boner's Well was a notoriously gay S&M Club run by the sleaziest, most vile demons out there; snake youkai and the like.

Of course, Inuyasha was completely oblivious to the words he was spewing out. The Boner's Well vs. The Bone Eaters Well. Two very similar names with two very different purposes; while one was to wine and dine the other was to - well, you can only imagine.

"Yeah." Inuyasha tossed another nice jacket onto the floor.

"Damn it, dog crap! _Move!_" Kouga pushed Inuyasha to the side and did a bit of rummaging of his own. "Ah ha! Here it is!" he yelled victoriously after a moment. "Here, wear this."

"Wha-what the hell is it?" Inuyasha asked, making no move to take the material. From the way it was laying in the wolf demon's hands, it truly looked diseased.

With an impatient huff, Kouga shoved the fabric into the hanyou's chest and then stood back with crossed arms to await Inuyasha's reaction.

Cautiously taking the material, Inuyasha spread it open to reveal what had to be a bondage nightmare come true. It was a series of leather straps, artistically looped and crisscrossed in such a tangle that the half-breed _still_ wasn't sure what he was looking at.

"I ask again, what the hell is this?"

"It goes with the shirt," was Kouga's reply.

Inuyasha looked down and yipped in shock. What he had thought to be a nice, simple black shirt, turned out to be something that looked as if it came out of a graveyard – or one hell of a rave. Buckles adorned the sleeves and several carefully placed tears were backed with mesh material. What scared him the most was the fact that he could spot the snaps and loops where the leather straps were meant to go.

"What the _FUCK?!_ Why the hell am I wearing this!? This entire outfit screams bottom!!" A pause. "I didn't know you were a bottom, shit-for-brains."

Kouga scowled. "I never said I used it to pick up guys, dumb ass. Besides, I'm top all the way through. It comes with being an alpha male."

"Keh, whatever. Why the hell are you giving me this? I ain't going to some concert. The Boner's Well is a fancy place for rich snobs. I need to look rich."

"Oh, so you meant _The Bone Eaters Well_."

Inuyasha blinked. "That's what I said."

Kouga rolled his eyes.

"It doesn't matter. The only way you can get into that place is either with a rich pure-blood or a powerful human and no matter which one your escort is, I'm sure both would be able to appreciate just how rich _and_ edible you look right now, almost as much as I do," Kouga said as his eyes hungrily took in the lustful view.

Frowning, Inuyasha shoved the leather straps back into Kouga's arms. "Try to 'appreciate' anymore and you're gonna get your face kicked in!"

"If you say so, mutt," Kouga said, making no signs of going to retrieve a different outfit. "Well, are you going to give me my shirt back or would you really rather wear it to such a fancy establishment?" he asked after a moment, a hidden agenda behind his eyes.

Scowling, Inuyasha went to take the shirt off, and after having failed several times he finally realized that he couldn't. The poorly made fishing net that Kouga called a shirt was tight in all the right places and it quickly dawned on the hanyou that the reason for it being such a snug fit was the lack of the usual stretch material that one would normally find sewn in with clothes. After struggling with it a bit more, Inuyasha gave up as Kouga's laughter rang throughout the apartment.

"You bastard, you knew this would happen!" Inuyasha shouted angrily. "Help me outta this thing before I rip your stinkin' throat out!"

"Alright, alright, hang on," Kouga chuckled as he moved to stand behind the dog demon.

Standing closer then what the hanyou deemed necessary, all the humor in the situation suddenly vanished as the wolf slid the tips of his fingers underneath the shirt, keeping them flush against the skin at Inuyasha's sides.

"Lift up your arms," Kouga quietly ordered; Inuyasha's ear involuntarily twitching as his breath caressed the downy fur on its outer shell.

Suddenly feeling very warm, Inuyasha obeyed the command without question, raising his arms slightly above his head, suppressing a shiver as the touch grew from mere fingertips to whole hands, purposely caressing every possible contour as they slowly traveled up towards his chest, taking the shirt's material with them.

Inuyasha instantly sounded a warning growl as those hands began to wander towards his nipples, and was responded with a low laugh.

"Relax, mutt face. If I move too fast it will only make things more difficult."

"And if you move any slower, I'm gonna tear this thing apart!"

"Mmm. So you prefer it rough, then?" Kouga asked sensually, causing Inuyasha to scowl as he realized what this conversation was really about.

"Grr! Let go! I'd rather do it alone!" he snapped irritably, pulling away once the fabric reached his underarms.

"Yes, I'm sure you would," Kouga said as he stepped back, giving the mutt some room.

After a minor amount of struggling, the young detective was finally able to free himself from the newly dubbed Shirt from Hell.

"Why do you even _have_ a shirt like this anyway?" Inuyasha asked as he threw the shirt at Kouga's face.

"Because then I know that at the end of the night, some foxy lady will be removing it for me."

"Find me a real suit, you asshole."

Scowling at Inuyasha's insolence (and the fact that the shirt had been chucked at his head) Kouga eyed his once clean bedroom. "If you had been more patient and asked me before raiding my closet, I could have easily found you ten."

"I don't have time for _ten_, I just need _one_," Inuyasha said as he checked his watch. "How about I borrow your shower while you find the perfect, socially-acceptable outfit for me?"

"I already have," Kouga replied as Inuyasha headed to the bathroom. "It's called a muzzle."

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

Twenty minutes (and a once again clean room) later, Kouga emerged from his walk-in closet to greet a pacing Inuyasha.

"Stop pacing, you'll wear a path into…my…floors," Kouga trailed off as he looked up from the suit in his hands to behold the lovely vision of a still-damp Inuyasha, clad in nothing but a towel.

"It's about damn time! I've been out here for the past ten minutes! Now what've ya got for me?"

Kouga looked down at the suit in his hands and looked back up at the almost-naked, still wet Inuyasha. Coming to a decision of epic proportions, the wolf hid the outfit behind his back none too discreetly.

"Nothing. I couldn't find a thing."

Inuyasha was not amused, and Kouga had no choice but to reluctantly hand the suit over.

Examining the outfit in his hands, Inuyasha wrinkled his nose at the black pair of slacks and the matching blazer. The only color in the whole outfit was the red silk shirt that accompanied it.

"Are you out of your mind? _Red silk?_ This is the gayest thing yet!" Inuyasha cried while waving the shirt around.

"Yes, because Armani markets strictly to homosexuals," Kouga replied sarcastically.

"I wouldn't be surprised," Inuyasha snorted. "Don't you have anything else?"

"It's either this, the bondage shirt, or the towel. But if you're looking for my personal opinion…" a lecherous smile appeared on the wolf's face.

"I don't want to hear it," Inuyasha said, causing Kouga to pout.

"Aw, com'on! Ya know, you weren't nearly this frigid last week at the-"

"Don't you dare continue that train of thought," Inuyasha warned as he headed back to the bathroom.

"Hey, you were the one moaning and panting like a bitch in heat."

"Didn't I just tell you to shut the hell up?!"

Kouga laughed as he caught a glimpse of the mutt's blushing face before the door slammed shut.

Leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door, Kouga decided to spare his partner from further embarrassment and changed the subject.

"So what's all this for? You doing casework or something?"

"I'm not at liberty to tell you," was the curt reply from the bathroom, accompanied by a soft grunt.

"Oh, that's rich."

After a moment's silence, Inuyasha spoke. "So, how'd that private case go that you had last month? The one with the demon who was suspicious of his wife's activities?"

"I'm not at liberty to tell you," Kouga mocked, waiting for the outburst.

"You bastard! I was working with you on that case in the beginning!"

"Yep, but then it got a bit too risky and daddy dearest pulled you off and made you chase a petty burglar and rapist instead. It's not my fault the information became too sensitive for your innocent, naïve, little puppy-dog ears," Kouga said, ignoring the low growl.

"Just tell me what happened, you ass fucker. All I know was that we were sent in to investigate a potential affair only to come up with a hired hit man out to kill off the father and son."

"Well, the husband was right about the affair. It turned out his half-breed wife was sleeping with her pure-blooded brother in an attempt to create a stronger heir," Kouga began.

"WHAT?!"

"Yep, and that's not all. Her son caught them going at it one day, and to keep his silence he was invited to a nice little threesome which he wholly agreed to since he had a dirty little crush on his uncle. Of course, at this point things began to turn sour because apparently the uncle had a thing for his nephew and pretty soon the female found herself left out of many of their escapades."

"So where does the hit man come in?" Inuyasha asked.

"I'm getting to that, mutt. Don't interrupt." Kouga scolded. "So now the wife is jealous and angry and decides to take her son out of the picture for good and hires an assassin. We found out about him and I reported it to the husband considering he was our client to begin with. He did a little investigating of his own and discovered the little torrid soap opera going on and ended up killing his wife."

"Why?"

"Well, because she not only cheated on him, a pure-blooded demon, but she cheated on him with her own brother, _and_ tried to kill off his heir."

"So…he was disgusted by the incest?"

"No, you idiot! No one has the right to get rid of a man's first son. To do such a thing would be like ripping out a large hole in his very soul. He was disgusted by the fact that she was a power-hungry, back stabbing bitch."

"Not to mention psychotic," Inuyasha added. "Who the fuck in their right mind would fuck their own kin?"

Kouga sighed. It was obvious his partner had missed the point. "This is what I was talking about when it comes to you being naive. Incest is taboo in the mortal world because when humans mate, their genes are split to create something different. If they mated to their own kin, the similar genes would reject each other creating some anomaly."

"Duh."

"However, in the demon world, mating with your kin is common because the genes combine to create stronger heirs, thereby creating a more powerful clan. That's why the father was so pissed at his…wife…for…" Kouga trailed off, his little lecture coming to a halt as Inuyasha emerged from the bathroom, clad in form-fitting trousers and a red shirt that seemed to loosely hug his chest, dinner jacket casually held over his shoulder.

"The pants feel a little too tight around my – _Wah!_" Inuyasha cried out as he suddenly found himself pinned against the wall by a panting Kouga.

"Fucking hell, do you have any idea how hot you look right now?" Kouga breathed.

"What are you talking about? I look hot all the time, you asshole! Now get offa me!"

"How about no? God, you look so edible…makes me wanna rip my clothes right off of you…"

"Do that and I ain't paying for the damages, plus I won't be held accountable for your sudden lack of pup-making abilities," Inuyasha threatened as Kouga buried his nose into the hanyou's neck.

"Aw, what's four or five between friends?" Kouga asked, his tongue lapping at Inuyasha's skin despite the strong hand against his chest trying to push him back.

"If you really consider your dick to only be worth five hundred…Damn it! Get _off_, I said!"

At long last, Kouga allowed himself to be pushed away. "I meant five grand, mutt face."

"WHAT?! FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR THREE PIECES OF SEWED FABRIC?!?"

"Yep. So you better be damn careful with that outfit," Kouga replied casually. "And it's more than three pieces. The pants are lined on the inside, as well as the jacket, which is actually three layers thick."

"What the fuck? Where the hell do you get this kind of money?! You're just a P.I.!"

"You forget the fact that I take on a majority of the private cases. Add to that my bloodline and family lineage and you should feel honored to not only be standing in my presence, but to be wearing my clothes as well."

"Keh."

Smirking, Kouga turned and headed towards the mini-bar. "So this case you're working on-"

"It isn't a case."

"Yeah, whatever. Now, this 'case that isn't a case'; what's it about?"

"It's not a case, damn it!" Inuyasha lied. "I've just…got a date," he mumbled lamely.

"You've got a date?" Kouga asked skeptically. "At The Bone Eaters Well?"

"Yeah, so?" Inuyasha asked defensively.

"Sheesh, maybe I should've left you in that bondage shirt, considering your societal ranking…Oh well, at least I know you're not going out with Kagome. Lord knows I've told you enough times to keep your dirty paws off my woman."

Inuyasha snorted. "You can hardly call her _your_ woman when I've been on three dates with her as opposed to your zero."

"What are you talking about? You've only gone out with her twice."

"Nope. It was three as of two weeks ago at the movies," Inuyasha stated smugly.

"You bastard! If you tried anything with her, I swear I'll-"

DONG! DONG!

The loud chiming caused them both to look over at the small grandfather clock against the far wall. It read 7:00pm.

"Well, that's my cue to leave," Inuyasha stated as he went to retrieve his discarded combat boots from Kouga's bedroom.

"You aren't wearing _those_ with my suit, are you?" Kouga asked in disgust, trailing into his room after the mutt.

"Yeah, you gotta problem with that?"

Kouga groaned and was quick to present his partner with a nice pair of loafers. "Don't tell me you'll be wearing that ratty old trench coat over my five grand suit as well."

"Fine then, I won't tell you. And it isn't ratty! It's…well-worn, is all. Besides, it belonged to my dad a while back."

"Oh, so it's _sentimental?_" Kouga teased in an almost sympathetic voice.

"Fuck you," Inuyasha retorted as he grabbed his coat and helmet and exited the apartment.

"If only, mutt. If only," Kouga replied to the empty room as he grabbed the keys to his blue Miata. "But if you've really got a date with someone of such a high ranking, I really have no choice but to scope out the competition."

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

Inuyasha cursed his luck as he increased the throttle, weaving through traffic like a madman. How could he have completely forgotten about the construction at 5th and Jones? Shit, now he was gonna be late!

Defying all political and physical laws of speed, Inuyasha raced through the last ten miles in under six minutes (an impossible feat for a mere mortal, what with their slow reaction time), pulling up in front of the Well of Eating Boners at precisely 8:02pm.

Hopefully, whoever he was meeting was not only hot, but patient and understanding as well. His tardiness was, after all, Kouga's fault.

Climbing off his bike, Inuyasha pulled off his helmet and looked around for the valet, spotting him a short distance away, apparently taking orders from some demon with his arm around two chicks. Approaching the group, Inuyasha stopped dead in his tracks when he recognized the demon.

"What. The. _FUCK?!!_ KOUGA!! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE?!?"

"Hey! It's mutt face!" Kouga greeted happily, turning around at the loud outburst as an extremely pissed off Inuyasha stomped over.

"Don't you 'hey, it's mutt face' me! How the hell did you get here before me?!"

"I avoided the construction zones, dumb ass. How else?"

Inuyasha snarled, a small blush staining his cheeks. "Why are you here?"

"What? I'm not allowed to coincidentally have dinner at the same time and place you supposedly have a date?"

"_No_," Inuyasha growled out, not taking his eyes away from the damnable wolf as he thrust his keys and helmet blindly at the valet.

Kouga sighed. "Sorry ladies, it looks like I won't be taking you out to dinner tonight after all. My partner here isn't big on sharing apparently."

"Go _home_, Kouga."

Ignoring the order, the wolf demon blew kisses to the two women as they pouted and stalked off before turning his attention back to the hanyou. His eyes instantly went up to the top of Inuyasha's head. "A _beanie?_ You're wearing a fucking _beanie_ with my suit?!"

"No, I'm wearing a fucking beanie with my helmet because it agitates my ears. You gotta problem with that?" Inuyasha fussed, ripping the item in question off his head and shoving it into his coat pocket.

Kouga snorted. "No, I suppose not. After all, you've already tainted my suit by wearing that ratty, _sentimental_ trench coat over it, and then there's your socks, and that one combat boot you almost put on, and your underwear…"

"I'm not wearing any," Inuyasha interrupted.

"You're not wearing any what?"

"Underwear."

Kouga's nose spurted blood at the statement and he choked for a moment before recovering from the mental image. "What?! What the fuck are you thinking going commando in a pair of my best pants?!"

"Well I tried to tell you they were too snug for me to even _consider_ keeping my boxers on, but you decided to pounce on me before I could finish," Inuyasha stated, crossing his arms.

"I swear to God, half-breed, if I find any-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Inuyasha said, waving off Kouga's anger like it was nothing as he snatched the ticket from the valet's grasp. "Don't worry; I'll get the suit back to you in good condition."

"You sure as hell better," Kouga growled. "Because if those pants are really as tight as you say, judging from how big I've felt your dick to be, if you so much as get an erection the zipper will burst and you're going to be the one to fix it."

Inuyasha's cheeks flamed bright red. "What?! Are you implying I have a big cock?!"

"No, I'm implying you have a fucking HUGE cock!" Kouga corrected.

"You asshole! How the hell would you know about my size?!"

"Because I felt you up at the nightclub last week, that's how!"

Completely scandalized, Inuyasha gasped, before lowering his voice to a tight-lipped growl. "I thought we agreed to never bring that incident up again."

"It was a one-sided agreement," Kouga snorted.

"Keh. Sounds like your love life," Inuyasha retorted, causing the wolf demon to glare.

"Don't you have somewhere you need to be right now?"

Inuyasha's eyes widened. "Oh shit!"

With that Inuyasha rushed towards the entrance, completely forgetting about his partner.

Once at the doors, Inuyasha's mouth nearly fell open in awe. They weren't kidding when they said this place was high-class.

The entrance itself was a sight to behold; tall massive doors were guarding the passageway to the core of the enormous building. When Inuyasha was closer, and able to run his hand over one of the doors, he discovered that they were made out of a very dark green coral, complete with purposefully cracked-looking gold trimmings around the sides and a gorgeous and very intricate design of weaving metal above the fifteen-foot threshold, which were of the same color. The name of the establishment was carved into a gold rectangular plate just off to the side of the entryway outside in elegant cursive lettering.

_The Bone Eaters Well_  
Est. 1800

As he pulled one of the gigantic doors open by its white marble colored handles Inuyasha continued looking about with his mouth slightly ajar. Inside the entryway, the hanyou was presented with black marbled floor below his feet, swirls of white gliding gracefully about the ground. Hell, even the "Please Wipe Your Feet," sign was fancy!

However, as he slowly headed up the marbled stairs that began wide in length only to decrease in size as he ascended toward the Hosts podium, he couldn't help not taking in everything around him. The half-demon could actually feel old magic oozing from every corner of the place; spells which he assumed were to give it its grand appearance to the maximum.

Still looking around while he continued his trek toward the Host, Inuyasha could see several very old-looking wrought iron chandeliers hanging elegantly from the vaulted ceiling, fully lit with candles, giving the restaurant a soft glow. The walls around the vicinity were an elaborate shade of black as well, its surface looking to be something akin to coral just like on the front doors. Thick vases of various flowers and plants could be seen at almost every turn.

Unfortunately, his appreciating gaze came to a screeching halt as his eyes landed on the cold sneer of the Host at the top of the staircase, looking like a perched vulture behind his fancy schmancy podium.

"Our restrooms are available for customers only and the nearest payphone is further down the block next to the convenience store," the Host recited snidely.

"I'll keep that in mind in case I need to either take a piss or make a phone call after chomping down on your most expensive filet minion," Inuyasha replied darkly.

"You wish to be…_served_" the Host asked skeptically.

"Damn straight, I do," Inuyasha said, a bit peeved at the crappy service of this place.

"Your attire is hardly appropriate…"

Scowling, the hanyou undid the buttons to his trench coat, not once taking his golden eyes off Mr. 'I-have-a-fucking-pineapple-the-size-of-Manhattan-up-my-ass' Host.

Taking off his jacket to reveal the Armani suit underneath, Inuyasha shoved the coat into the shocked man's hands. He then proceeded to run finely clawed fingers through his mass of hair, closing his eyes as he smoothed out the knots so that the pure white strands could flow smoothly down his back.

Returning his attention to the Host, a triumphant smirk crossed his face at the stunned stare his hair and ears were receiving. "See something you like…_sir?_" he asked teasingly as the Host's cheeks flamed pink.

"Sir! I – I'm – my apologies! I didn't realize-! Your party is expecting you! Right this way!" the now flustered man stuttered out, quickly turning to lead the half-demon to the best table in the house.

Inuyasha watched the Host, vaguely wondering if the guy knew he was still carrying his coat and hat. If he didn't, he sure as hell better keep an eye on them later because he didn't want to lose them.

"Mr. Musashi, I believe your guest is here."

Inuyasha looked over, only to have his eyes widen in slight shock. Before him sat not only a pure-blooded male demon, but an extremely handsome, pure-blooded, male, _dog_ demon with white hair much like his own.

Now, Inuyasha wasn't as naive as his father would have liked for him to be and knew full well that white haired demons were not only rare, but usually came with a pretty high-ranking status as well. This was one of the reasons he was so curious about why his dad was working under the thumb of the human police.

But that aside, the demon before him practically gave off an air of royalty with the way he sat and stared. His gaze clearly conveyed to all that he knew of his unconcealed sexual appeal, sucking in any and all who laid eyes upon him.

Ignoring the sudden sensitivity to his heart's beat that the heated gaze caused, the hanyou did his best to meet it with a challenging look of his own.

Neither wanting to be the lesser man and look away first, the staring contest continued as the two simply took in each another's presence.

…Come to think of it, they had been staring at one another for quite some time now and the other demon still had yet to answer the Host.

Inuyasha couldn't help but wonder if this guy was just the strong and silent type, or if he was shocked speechless by how good the P.I. looked wrapped in five thousand dollars worth of fabric. If this was the reaction to his suit alone, Inuyasha could only guess what the demon's reaction would have been if he had actually shown up wearing the Bondage Shirt from Hell, or better yet, if he had the knowledge of him showing up here commando.

"Yes, Genjyo, this is him," the mysterious demon said quietly, still not taking his eyes off of Inuyasha's form as the Host motioned for the hanyou to take a seat.

With the snap of his fingers, Genjyo had a waiter standing by his side. "Gentlemen, this is Shuzhey. He will be privately serving the two of you tonight. If either of you need anything at all you have only but to…" Genjyo trailed off at the leveled glare he received from Mr. Musashi.

Deciding to move on, he placed the small menus before both of the men and left with a small bow.

"Can I start you gentlemen off with a drink?" Shuzhey asked, stepping forward.

"Bring us a bottle of your finest wine," Mr. Musashi said, not missing a single beat.

Shuzhey nodded, glancing over at Inuyasha to see if he wanted to add anything to that order.

"I'll take a martini. Dry."

"Yes, sir."

"Oh, and make it shaken. Not stirred," Inuyasha added, unable to help himself.

The waiter smiled and left as a soft snort was heard from across the table.

Inuyasha turned and glared for a moment before deciding to start a conversation.

"So, you're S and M?" he asked casually, remembering that the paper he'd been given last week was signed with the initials SM.

The demon smirked at the question. "I suppose."

"You care to share what the hell is so amusing?" Inuyasha growled; irked at the fact that this guy had not only had the audacity to laugh at him, but was now smirking at him as well.

"You're a hanyou."

"You plan on going somewhere with that?" Inuyasha asked in irritation, his eyes narrowing.

"Perhaps. Only if you're lucky, though."

Inuyasha scowled. Now what the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Whatever. So what the hell is this whole thing about? Why am I here?" Inuyasha demanded.

"You are here because you were curious. However, the original purpose of this meeting was destroyed when you decided to walk in late through those doors."

"Keh. That was hardly my fault. If it hadn't been for my partner, I would've been on time," Inuyasha stated, crossing his arms and slouching a bit in his seat. "Besides, what do you mean, 'the purpose of this meeting is destroyed'? I did not just go through all that shit just to have this dinner end up being completely pointless!"

"Your partner?" the demon asked, ignoring the rest of Inuyasha's outburst.

Inuyasha growled, ignoring the light fluttering in his stomach at the wave of power and hidden anger that question seemed to give off. "I'll ask you once more. Why am I here?"

"Surely you must have some idea, considering you showed up in the first place," the man stated, pausing the conversation as their drinks came. Accepting the beverages with a small nod of thanks, he waved the waiter off. At his dinner companion's sullen look, he sighed. "Why don't we start off with introducing ourselves?"

"Fine," Inuyasha snorted, sitting back up as he fingered the stem of his martini glass. "I've lived in the great city of Edopolis all my life, as my father seems to have done before me. I like steak on Wednesdays, along with a bottle of vodka. I hate cats, I hated school, I hate dressing up in fancy shit like this gay-ass suit, and I like my Honda 919, even though I'm saving up to get a CBR. Anything else, oh Great One?"

"Do you like long walks on the beach?"

"What?"

"You make it sound as if this is some sort of vulgar dating service. However, I would never dream of stooping so low," the man said as he leaned forward to steal the olive in Inuyasha's martini glass. "Besides, you still have yet to give me your name."

He examined the fruit on its pick for a moment before putting it to his lips, parting his mouth ever so slightly to allow his tongue to dart forward and lick off a small drop of alcohol that had clung to the olive's skin. The motion was then exaggerated as the inu demon decided that he liked the taste and proceeded to drag his tongue around and up to the olive's pit, which disappeared into his mouth as he began to suckle on the red flesh before biting down and devouring the small morsel in two bites.

Inuyasha felt his breath catch in his throat at the subtle but enticingly erotic movements of the demon before him. He never knew that eating something as simple as an olive could be so... so... He shivered.

_Fucking hell, calm down. The last thing I need is a busted zipper on these stupid pants._

Willing his blood to flow back to his larger head, Inuyasha pulled his martini closer, as if worried the male before him would somehow find a way to attempt another sexually suggestive act on one of the few things at the table he could rightfully argue as his own.

Such a ludicrous concern was forcibly shoved out of Inuyasha's mind as he reminded himself that the dinner date before him was _male_, and for this _male_ to be doing such acts, he would have to be _gay_, and the half-demon firmly refused to believe that Life was cruel enough to throw at him a second gay demon when he was already trying to fend off one.

Of course, Kouga was (according to his numerous arguments with 'the pup') technically straight with an eye for the occasional pretty uke. This was naturally another thing Inuyasha firmly refused to believe, saying that his partner was simply desperate to the point that he'd fuck anything with a pulse, and even that was an open option with the wolf demon when he was in heat. Besides, Inuyasha was in no way "pretty." _Nor uke_, he added as an afterthought.

Not that such a thing mattered, considering he wasn't gay to begin with.

But as the soft lighting caused his companion's eyes to positively glow with lust as they flickered up to Inuyasha's face, the hanyou felt a small twist in his gut that told him otherwise.

Okay, so maybe he'd settle for being "open."

The two continued to simply sit and stare at one another for some time before an inquisitive brow was raised in slight amusement, reminding the detective that a question had been asked of him several minutes before.

What was it again? Oh yeah. His name. Right.

"Uh, it's Inuyasha…"

Mr. Musashi's heated gaze turned sharp and guarded. "_Inu_yasha?"

"Err…yeah. Why?"

"Well, Inuyasha," the youkai stated, ignoring the question. "I am Sesshomaru T. Musashi."

"That's it?" Inuyasha asked after a moment's silence. "You're not gonna tell me your likes? Your dislikes? Not even if you like long walks on the beach?"

Sesshomaru scowled. "I told you, this isn't some cheap dating service."

Inuyasha pouted, feeling disappointed at the fact that he wasn't going to get to know this guy any better. "Yeah, but still! I gave you way more informa-"

"You are a half-breed...Which parent is human?"

"My mom was."

"I see. And where did you say your father lived before you were born?"

"I thought you said this wasn't some cheap dating service," Inuyasha snapped, annoyed that the sudden onslaught of questions came forth more like an interrogation than something the other demon genuinely took interest in.

"Just because this isn't a dating service, doesn't mean I can't ask questions to find out more about you."

"Uh huh," Inuyasha replied skeptically. "And why, pray tell, do you want to know more about me?"

"So I'll know the best setting to have you screaming my name in as I bring you to new heights of pleasure and ecstasy that you never even realized existed," Sesshomaru said, smirking suggestively.

"Sorry, I don't do rich snobs," Inuyasha said simply.

"Oh? And who said you would be the one _doing_ anything?"

"What?! Now if there's one thing you should _definitely_ know about me, it's this: I'm no bottom!" Inuyasha hissed out. "Besides, I'm already involved with someone."

"I don't doubt that," Sesshomaru said with narrowed eyes. "You're completely _smothered_ in his scent."

"Huh? But I haven't seen Kagome since – wait, _his_" Inuyasha looked down at his outfit. "Fuck! I'm going to maim that bastard! This isn't what it seems like, I swear! I'm not even gay! It's just that-"

"You're here because you're looking for a way into the pure-blooded demon circles to seek answers to your questions, are you not?" Sesshomaru asked, abruptly changing the topic.

The loud-mouthed hanyou looked shocked for a moment before suddenly becoming extremely tight-lipped.

"My, my, aren't we the stubborn one. This will definitely make it all the more enjoyable for me," Sesshomaru said with amusement. "Of course, it would be much easier for you to just…let go."

"You sound awfully sure of yourself," Inuyasha grumbled, causing the other demon to smirk.

"Yes, well it just so happens that I have a use for you. Now we just have to see how reliable you are with this second test."

"Second test? What the hell was the first one?" Inuyasha asked, completely confused.

"To see whether or not you and I are compatible, of course. The last thing I need is someone under my wing who I can't trust."

"You know, no matter how much you keep insisting it ain't, this still feels an awful lot like some cheesy dating service."

"If it helps you any, think of this as a business meeting, where you are my potential client. Although that is a rather poor comparison as to what this truly is," Sesshomaru said simply as he reached into the inside pocket of his blazer to pull out a folded piece of paper. "That aside, here's what I need you to do."

Inuyasha took the paper and started to unfold it.

"I want you to stop a transaction at the first listed location and retrieve the item. Regardless of the fact of whether you are able to do this or not, I want you to come find me tomorrow at the second address listed. Do you think you can handle such a simple task?"

"Keh." Inuyasha read the paper. Dokkasou Port, Dock 45, 9:30pm, tonight. "Nine-thirty…but it's-!"

"You had better hurry, half-breed, if you wish to obtain your answers…"

"Fuck!" Inuyasha cursed as he jumped up, quickly downing the rest of his martini.

"By the way, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru said, standing as well and straightening his jacket. "You should inform your _friend_ that one shouldn't go soliciting outside of high-class establishments unless they wish to put themselves at a plebeian level."

"Huh?"

Sesshomaru raised an elegant eyebrow, indicating for Inuyasha to look towards the entrance of the establishment.

"Damn it, I thought I told him to go home!" Inuyasha cursed, turning around as if he could see out the decorative front windows, only to miss the narrowed eyed look caused by that statement.

"Oh, and one more thing…"

Inuyasha turned, only to find Sesshomaru standing far closer than normal semi-strangers should. "Err…yeah?"

A hand came up to gently push some stray hair away from his cheek. "Do try to be on time tomorrow." With that Sesshomaru gave a pointed look at his watch before stepping back to allow Inuyasha to run off.

Luckily, the Host saw him approaching and had his jacket and cap ready for him. "Leaving so soon, sir?"

"Heck yeah! That bastard's expecting me to drive to the other side of town in less than forty minutes!" Inuyasha complained as he grabbed his belongings before bursting out of the restaurant and making a beeline for the valet, who was, once again, chatting with Kouga who just so happened to be kicking it back in his small sports car.

_Fucking bastard!_

"Hey! What's your hurry, dog breath?" Kouga asked as the valet rushed off to fetch the hanyou's bike.

"Didn't I tell you to leave?"

"No, you just told me I couldn't eat dinner with you," Kouga replied cheekily, remaining in his reclined position with his feet propped up on the dashboard.

"Is your life really so dull that you need to spy on me?"

"It's a Wednesday night, I haven't had any new cases since last week; what else should I do?"

"Go home and watch porn," Inuyasha replied as his bike arrived. "But before you do, tip the valet for me."

"Hey! Where the hell are you going?"

"To prove I'm not a pup anymore!" Inuyasha shouted as he revved up his bike and took off.

"To prove…_FUCK!_" Kouga cried out as he scrambled to sit up and start his engine.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

As Inuyasha practically flew through the doors of The Bone Eaters Well, cold, golden eyes narrowed immediately in what could only be described as jealousy and anger at the thought of a certain dark haired, male, wolf youkai that had been loitering outside of the classy establishment. Sesshomaru had detected the ookami's unique stench all over the hanyou the moment he stepped into the threshold of the extremely pricey establishment.

"Just an acquaintance, was he, Mr. Mikuni?" Sesshomaru said lowly to himself. "We shall see about that. Perhaps you'll be even less than that, if I'm to have my way."

* * *

**Next Time on INUYASHA, P.I. Case 4: Dokkasou Port, Dock 45**  
_I finally get the chance to prove myself capable of handling big cases, but what the fuck! That damn wolf never told me it would be this dangerous! No one ever told me there would be guns involved! Looks like it's time for me to bust out some serious moves to save my precious ass. Next time on IYPI!

* * *

_

**Blooper Reel: **

Suddenly, the hanyou's attention was piqued by something black and shiny.

Reaching in, Inuyasha pulled out a tiny teeny bopper sized shirt that had '_Backstreet Boys_' splashed across the front in large, glittery letters.

…?

Sweat dropping, Inuyasha decided it best not to ask and quietly slipped the shirt back in its place before moving on in his search.

**Doodle-eh-doo!**

He examined the fruit on its pick for a moment before putting it to his lips, parting his mouth ever so slightly to allow his tongue to dart forward and lick off a small drop of alcohol that had clung to the olive's skin. The motion was then exaggerated as the inu demon decided that he liked the taste and proceeded to drag his tongue around and up to the olive's pit, which disappeared into his mouth as he began to suckle on the red flesh before biting down and devouring the small morsel in two bites.

Inuyasha felt his breath catch in his throat at the subtle but enticingly erotic movements of the demon before him. "That is so…dirty! Ewww!" A pause. "…Do it again!"

"Oh for the love of – CUT!"


	4. Case File 04: Dokkasou Port, Dock 45

**Case 4: Dokkasou Port, Dock 45 **

Inuyasha growled softly as he darted between another set of unmarked crates. It was dark, the whole place stank of fish and grime, and he wasn't even sure if this was Dock 45. Hell, he wasn't even sure if this was Dokkasou Port!

Giving up caution for annoyed impatience, the hanyou leapt up on top of the crates with a loud thud, darting across them while keeping a close eye out for any suspicious signs of life. However, the loud, echoing footsteps that followed him alerted Inuyasha that crate hopping was a bad idea. He quickly leapt back down and flattened himself against the nearest wall, listening to whatever it was that had been trailing him. What he heard was radio static and the gruff and apprehensive voice that walked right by his hiding place.

"This is Mason."

_"Go ahead."_

"Something just jumped up on the crates right in front of me and scared the piss outta me before running off."

_"Which direction?"_

"North, but I lost sight of him soon after."

_"It shouldn't matter if he was heading in the opposite direction. Can you give a description, just in case? We don't need the boss on our asses if something goes wrong."_

"I didn't see his face, but I did notice the long, silvery white hair."

_"Shit. Are you sure about the hair?"_

"Yeah, it fucking glowed when the moonlight hit it."

_"Fucking hell. That's gotta be him. There's no one else it could be. Keep your eyes open, Mason, and try not to get killed."_

"Yeah, yeah. Over and out."

Inuyasha scowled as he heard the distinctive click of the radio being turned off. There was something oddly familiar about those voices but he couldn't place it at the moment. But that wasn't what plagued the hanyou's mind. No, the thing about the "silvery white hair" that "glowed when the moonlight hit it" was.

What the hell? Was this all some sort of elaborate test for him or something? Damn, he had hated tests throughout his high school days…but then again, he did excel at P.E. and spying on the teachers (or the girls in the locker room after school), so maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all...

Making it a point to tie his hair back and bunch it up under his beanie, the hanyou turned to head back south and made his way to higher grounds.

Twenty minutes later found an extremely bored and anxious Inuyasha perched atop a building looming ominously over Dock 45, watching as the single suspicious black car he had been observing for quite some time was at long last joined by a second suspicious black car of the exact same make and model. Geez, could these guys _be_ anymore conspicuous?

After about another minute of waiting (in which the inu hanyou practically lost whatever patience he had left), the doors to both cars opened simultaneously and about seven men piled out from each. It gave Inuyasha the distinct impression of one of those ridiculously small clown cars he saw at the circus when he was younger where about twenty clowns tumbled out of said car that had to have been the size of something Powerwheels© would create. He had to stifle the chuckles that the memory alone caused him to have.

The designated carrier from the first vehicle stepped forward, a large metal briefcase in hand. No words were said as a man from the second group stepped forward, carrying a small cloth bundle that very well could have held his gym shorts.

Inuyasha's jaw fell open as the two men cautiously approached one another. _This_ was the transaction? A large case of money for a tiny bundle that looked like it carried someone's dirty underwear?! The hanyou growled softly, swearing that if that bundle did in fact hold someone's dirty drawers, he was gonna murder the bastard that set him up to do this.

Not wasting any time, Inuyasha jumped down from the building, landing silently on the ground below. Remaining in a crouch-like form, he inched forward to hide behind the nearest crate, bracing himself to get ready to run, while the Mission Impossible theme started playing in his head.

However, before the mental music could play past the fifth bar, it was interrupted as one of his feet slid back an inch on the ground. Looking down in confusion, Inuyasha realized the shoes he was currently wearing were not suited for running, let alone much else other than standing there and trying to look important.

_Great,_ he thought, glaring down at the offending footwear. _My only option is to grab the item and run, and here I am stuck with wolf brain's two million yen shoes._

The hanyou briefly entertained the idea of taking off the shoes and throwing them at the criminals as a distraction to help him grab the item and get away, but he discarded that brilliant idea when his brain conjured up the image of how pissed Kouga would more than likely be at the fact that a pair of his best shoes were missing. Not to mention the "reimbursement" he'd want for said abandoning of shoes.

Just as the exchange was about to take place, Inuyasha jumped down, zipped in-between them, grabbed the item and ran a good hundred feet before stopping to turn around and smirk at the idiots.

However, that smug look soon faded as the men reached into their coats.

"Ah crap!"

"STOP HIM!" roared a voice.

Out of no where bullets zipped past his head, missing by mere inches (if even). Eyes wide with shock, Inuyasha glanced at the members of both parties, noticing that they were all empty-handed, save for the one holding the briefcase and a few with radios in their possession.

_What the fuck? If none of them have a gun, then..._ another bullet grazed his shoulder from an acute angle. _Snipers! He didn't say a word about them having fucking snipers!_ Inuyasha mentally spazzed out.

With that, Inuyasha turned and set off in a flat out run for his bike. He needed to haul ass out of there and fast!

"RETRIEVE THE ITEM!!" yelled another angry voice.

Inuyasha could hear them running after him, as well as the cars making three-point turns in order to chase him down. Thankfully, he'd thought ahead about something similar to this and parked his bike in-between two very close buildings so that only a person and/or a motorbike like his were the only things able to pass through, but not cars.

Turning a sharp corner to his left, Inuyasha finally caught site of his red motorbike. Grabbing his keys from his trench coat pocket, he jumped up into the air and landed accordingly on top of his bike that had been a good two hundred feet away. Pushing the keys into the ignition, he let the beast roar to life, taking off just as the snipers turned the corner and aimed for him again.

Inuyasha moved with his bike like it was a part of him, not realizing that the bullets with even the most dead-on of aims were ricocheting away from his being, as if being blocked by some invisible force field. Unfortunately, the same didn't go for his bike, but that didn't stop his firm belief that his guts would be littering the streets if he didn't drive faster.

Zooming past the wire gate guarding Dokkasou Port's docks, Inuyasha took the time to see if he had lost them. His eyes widened a bit and his head ducked instinctively as another round of bullets flew his way. The damn cars from the alley had friends! Now these lacky cars were coming after him with- not snipers but...

Inuyasha turned his head again, his ears twitching underneath his beanie to get a better hearing range of who was where and to attempt to pinpoint the type of gun and ammo that was being used to fire at his most vital and very important anatomical parts.

On cue, the men in the back of each of the cars stuck their upper bodies out on either side and aimed their guns at the thief.

They were coming after him with uzis!?!

"No fucking way am I being done in by a fucking uzi!" With that stated to no one but himself, Inuyasha pushed the gas handle, revving the engine up to a good 130 miles per hour and speeding forward like a bat out of hell.

Inuyasha cursed as he unintentionally turned onto Nippon Avenue, which led straight to the wide Nippon Bridge, which connected the east shore of Dokkasou Bay to the west shore – a five mile span of open road space in which the hanyou might as well have been a sitting duck.

As he approached the toll booth, Inuyasha noticed a small blue car slowing down to pay the fee. _Perfect_. Increasing the throttle, he sped up, flattening his body against the bike as more bullets whizzed past him.

With the speed and precision that should only be attempted by CG Artists in a Visual Effects studio (or a panicking hanyou with uzi-wielding bike chasers on his ass), the young half-demon zoomed past the four foot space between car and booth, just as the gate lifted.

_Get off the bridge. Get off the bridge. Get off the bridge,_ was the single mantra running through Inuyasha's head as the empty road widened to eight lanes. That mantra, however, quickly transformed into _Shit, shit, shit, shit,_ as he heard the distinct sound of a car engine rapidly catching up to him.

There. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the bumper pulling up alongside him. He would have swerved to throw the driver off, but at this speed, any swerving on a motorbike meant instant death, even for a demon. If only he had some means of-

"That was MY toll you stole, crapeater!"

Inuyasha's eyes widened as his head whipped around. There in the little blue Miata that was driving beside him was none other than Kouga. Damn, the bastard's license plate of CHSNPSY should have been a dead giveaway.

"What the HELL! Why is it you're only around when you're NOT WANTED!" Inuyasha shouted back, feeling himself calm slightly despite the circumstances.

"You owe me 500 yen!"

"You seriously want to argue about this _now??_"

"PLUS you owe me for the fucking fine I'm gonna get for speeding after you without paying!" Kouga continued. "And if I get a speeding ticket, you're paying for that to – _SHIT!_"

The wolf demon was cut off as he swerved to the right just in time to avoid a round of bullets. "Jesus Christ, who the hell did you manage to piss off this time!"

"No one told me about the guns!" Inuyasha argued, as if this justified everything.

"No one told you–! ALL bad guys have guns, you idiot!"

"Shut up! Are you gonna help me out here or what?"

"I don't know." The smirk was evident in Kouga's voice. "Do you think you could maybe use a hand?"

Inuyasha's jaw fell open. "YES, YOU FUCKING BASTARD, I COULD USE A FUCKING HAND!" he roared furiously.

"I didn't hear a please," Kouga said as he released the gas pedal and slowed down just enough to take the gentle curve of the right fork as the bridge ended.

Inuyasha had naturally forgotten about the fork in the road and slammed on his brakes only to end up taking the left path, which sharply turned and dipped down to run alongside the beach.

A mile or so later, the sand next to the road spattered as it was hit with stray bullets on one side, while on his other side, the stone wall sparked as the ammo ricocheted off of it causing Inuyasha to be torn between concern for his own safety and being beyond pissed at his partner for abandoning him. However, a bullet zipping through the side of his beanie, grazing his ear which left a ringing sound vibrating within the walls of his mind made him come to a conclusive decision. Live now, be pissed later.

No sooner had he made up his mind, did a series of tremendous bangs occur, followed by the sharp squeal of brakes, crunching metal, and shattering glass, signifying the sound of a really bad car wreck.

The hanyou instinctively looked over his shoulder, which only resulted in him losing control of his bike and swerving out onto the beach. The wheels skidded out from under him, causing driver and vehicle to separate as they went spinning in different directions before coming to a cushioned stop.

For a moment, Inuyasha remained still, mindful only of the cooled sand against his cheek. Slowly, the rest of his senses caught up with him, and once he was sure all of his limbs, and various other important body parts were still intact and mostly unhurt, he stood. Patting the sand off his body, he silently thanked his dad for the fire rat trench coat, which had saved him from any lasting damage.

Unfortunately, the same could not be said for his pursuers. From the looks of things, several dumpsters had fallen from the shopping district on top of the wall right in front of the two black cars, resulting in a head-on collision. The outlook for survivors didn't look too good.

_Stupid bastards,_ Inuyasha thought as he looked over the wreckage. _They should have swerved away from the wall._

Never one to forget his civic duty, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911, giving only the location and severity of the crash before hanging up – not bothering to give the operator any information on himself.

Heading back to his bike, Inuyasha paused to retrieve the cloth bundle that he had dropped during his wipe out.

"You sure as hell better be worth all this," he growled, going over to pull his bike into an upright position. "Or else I'm gonna kill that cocky-ass bastard when I see him tomorrow."

Hopping on his bike and revving it up – thank God it seemed to still work okay – the PI longed for nothing more than a long, hot shower and a grilled cheese sandwich, seeing as how he didn't get a chance to eat at the restaurant.

Heading back inland towards his apartment, the inu hanyou found his thoughts focusing on his cold and mysterious dinner partner.

"I am _Lord_ Sesshomaru…" Inuyasha mocked, remembering how the man introduced himself in a husky, holier-than-thou manner. "Sesshomaru, huh? Cocky bastard…"

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

The morning came all too soon for Inuyasha, seeing as how his alarm clock was currently wailing, his cell phone beeping insistently and his land line ringing off the hook. However, reality and awareness didn't hit him until he felt his head bang against the floor as his mattress was lifted up from the opposite end.

Inuyasha sat up and looked around wildly for a moment before his gaze finally landed on his bed.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" he yelled at the bed, firmly convinced in his disoriented state that the mattress itself had thrown him to the floor all on its own accord.

"Watch that mouth, pup," came an authority growl. Only one person had that nerve-wrecking, scarier-than-death-itself growl.

"D-dad?! What the hell are you doing in my apartment!" Inuyasha blurted out, yanking his bed sheets up to cover his very naked body and happily exposed cock.

"You have nothing that I haven't already seen before, Inuyasha. In fact, when you were younger, you would run around naked even after I had put layers of complicated, button-up, twist-around clothing on you to stop you from doing just that."

"That's a lie!" Inuyasha shouted as he stood, sporting a bright red blush.

Still clutching his comforter in front of his waist, he looked around for something more decent to cover himself with. Spotting some old boxers lying a few feet away, the hanyou moved to grab them, only to have his foot get caught in the blanket, causing him to trip and meet the floor face first. This resulted in the release of the blanket, giving his father an unobstructed view of his son's cute little tush.

Roaring laughter erupted from InuTaishou at the sight before him. "Ah, yes, a true exhibitionist at heart."

_"Dad!"_ Inuyasha ground out, struggling to dive back under the safety of his comforter while still on the floor.

Once the hanyou was completely covered – save for the tips of his ears – an arm emerged into view and began to blindly grope about, in search of clothing. Preferably pants.

Finding himself entertained by his sons childish antics, InuTaishou plopped himself down on the bed and watched as a shirt was snagged and pulled under the covers, only to be spit back out moments later due to the fact that it didn't cover the parts that Inuyasha wanted to be covered.

The eyes of the older demon scanned the floor, mentally calculating how long it would take Inuyasha to find his boxers over the rest of the mess scattered about. Candy wrappers, socks, a beer can, a soda can, jeans, a shirt, another shirt, a pizza box, more socks, more plastic wrappers, another beer can, a suit…

InuTaishou paused, his gaze remaining on the suit. He remembered Inuyasha mentioning something about needing a suit for The Bone Eaters Well. But…a _silk_ shirt? As far as he was aware, Inuyasha wouldn't be caught dead wearing silk. Why? Because it was…InuTaishou struggled to remember his son's exact words. Because it was "gay. A total and most absolute sign of one's poofyness. After all, only a gay man would worry about the feel of cloth against his skin." (This was, of course, said with the most smug and self-assured of tones.)

InuTaishou's attention was diverted as the blanket on the floor suddenly began to heave about, indicating that the one underneath was having some difficulty properly putting his clothes on.

"Should I hold your trousers up so you can step into them like you did when you were little?"

Inuyasha growled. "I'm exercising my right as your child to ignore you and pretend you're not there."

"I see. So then, when I'm not here, do you normally try to get dressed under your comforter?"

The blanket suddenly stopped moving, causing InuTaishou to erupt into laughter once again.

A head poked out into view as an arm reached over to grab a shirt. "You really suck; I hope you know that," Inuyasha grumbled.

"You just need to learn that it's impossible to win against your old man," InuTaishou stated smugly, earning himself another round of grumbling.

"Whatever. What are you doing here anyway?" Inuyasha asked, standing now that he was finally dressed.

"Slow day at the office, so I decided to come and antagonize my precious son."

A glare was shot at him by the aforementioned precious son.

"Alright, fine. Kagome never showed up this morning with our usual lunches, and I'm hungry. And since you're always stopping by to raid my fridge, I decided to swing by and see if you wanted to grab a bite to eat instead. However, you weren't answering your door, so I decided it best to let myself in."

"And _how_ exactly did you get in here? The door is triple locked!" Inuyasha declared, somewhat scandalized.

"The same way you sneak into my office at 3am to nose about through the more confidential files," InuTaishou answered, standing and heading to the apartment's main exit.

Ears flattened against his skull, Inuyasha followed his father out the door. "Liar," he mumbled. "You really did just come here to antagonize me."

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

The two inu demons entered the precinct with sodas and doggie bags in hand, their bellies full and their spirits high. That was, until Inuyasha heard the world's most annoying voice carry across the room.

"I'm telling you, with these guns, all it took was one swift punch and the guy was out for a week."

Kouga. That _fucking_ bastard.

No longer listening to whatever joke his father had been trying to tell, Inuyasha stormed over to the receptionist's desk.

"KOUGA!!" he roared, his nails lengthening into claws. "You absconding dickwad! I'm going to fucking murder you!"

"Well, well, well, the pup's grown a bit of a vocabulary, hasn't he?" Ayame, the 27th precinct's receptionist and wolf demon extraordinaire, purred.

Kouga, however, wasn't so nonchalant. "What the hell is your problem?" he asked in defiance despite having taken a small step back in shock.

_"You!!_ You left me for dead! You knew I needed your help and you left me!!" Inuyasha cried out, diving forward to attack.

"What are you talking about? I saved your sorry ass!" Kouga said as he leapt back to avoid the blow.

"What, by driving away?!"

"What the fuck, are you retarded or something? Where do you think the dumpsters came from?"

Inuyasha paused, slightly taken aback as he did indeed remember the dumpsters that had obstructed the half-dog's trail. "What… about them?"

"Oh, for the love of-!! As crappy as Edopolis is, it doesn't exactly rain garbage like you think, dumbass."

"Wait…so you're the one who sent the dumpsters flying in front of the guys chasing me?"

"Glad to see you catch on so quick, pup."

Silence for a moment. Then…

"You bastard! That stunt of yours nearly DESTROYED my bike! And almost killed me!" Inuyasha yelled as an afterthought.

"You liar! You look fine to me! Besides, you got right back up after you wiped out! AND you drove off! So don't you go giving me crap about destroyed bikes, near-death experiences, and abandonment," Kouga grumbled.

Inuyasha blinked, momentarily shocked. "How do you know I got back up?"

"I hung around to make sure you were alright," the wolf youkai said, looking defiantly off to the side in hopes of calming the small blush that was appearing on his cheeks. "Geez, give me _some_ credit."

"Aww," InuTaishou cooed from out of nowhere, walking over to throw his arms around his junior detectives. "My two best boys, finally learning how to work together! Ayame, quick! Take a picture!"

Ayame, who just so happened to be a photography major, whipped out her long-lens camera and captured the probably-never-to-happen-again moment in the blink of an eye. The outcome of said picture would haunt the boys for the remainder of their career.

"Pictures?" a female voice asked from behind the group. "What's the occasion?"

"Kagome!" InuTaishou whirled around, shoving his restaurant leftovers in his son's hands in the process. Inuyasha proceeded to fumble with the doggie bags before getting the ingenious idea to hide them behind his back.

"Hey Mr. Takahashi, sorry about not stopping by this morning," Kagome greeted. "I had a project that needed some finishing up. But, that's over with so I decided to swing by and drop off your lunches, because I _know_ you guys would never go out and _buy_ food when you have my homemade bento to look forward to!"

All three Private Eyes smiled back nervously, obviously having eaten not even hours before. They never told the college girl, but they usually ate her meals for breakfast – seeing as how they were so small and not very filling – opting to eat a large lunch instead. So naturally, when breakfast didn't arrive this morning, they took matters into their own hands like men were typically apt to do when it concerned their stomachs.

"Of course, Kagome! I would never _dream_ of eating anything but the food you provide for me, what with knowing that you fill it with all your love!" Kouga proclaimed, stepping forward and grabbing the girl's hands, pointedly ignoring the pissed looks a certain redhead was now giving him.

"Thank you, Kouga. It's good to know my efforts are appreciated, unlike _Inuyasha_ over there, who would rather eat instant ramen."

"Hey! I happen to _like_ instant ramen!" Inuyasha argued, currently trying to hand the doggie bags back over to his father behind their backs and out of Kagome's line of sight. A small scuffle of hands had erupted since InuTaishou refused to take the food, not wanting to be the one to get caught and having to face Kagome's certain wrath.

"Do you like ramen as much as you like me dressing you, dog turd?" Kouga slyly asked, causing everyone to momentarily freeze.

"Erm…Inuyasha…let's you…dress him?" Kagome asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"Oh yeah, all the time!" Kouga replied with flourish. "Why, just last night, after he was finished trying on this bondage shirt, he insisted on borrowing one of my silk shirt-mmph!"

"It's a lie, Kagome! Don't ever listen to a word he says!" Inuyasha insisted as he continued to try and stuff the lunch leftovers down the wolf-bastard's throat.

"So _that's_ where he got that red shirt from…" InuTaishou muttered to himself. If the shirt was Kouga's, then he _definitely_ didn't want to know the reason behind what he had previously thought to be candy wrappers littered all over his son's floor. Deciding it best to veer away from such thoughts, he turned his attention to his young part-time secretary. "So Kagome, what time can I expect you in my office this afternoon?"

"Well, I have two lectures today and I've already been to one of them," Kagome said thoughtfully, ignoring the battle going on between the two young men next to her. "And I have a paper due…SHOOT!! I have a paper due at one!"

Without so much as a second glance at the clock (or an answer as to what time she would be at work), Kagome shoved the bento boxes into her boss's hands and dashed out the door, waving goodbye to a few of the cops she knew by name.

Sighing, InuTaishou cautiously sniffed the lunches before looking back at his two young charges, only to find that Inuyasha's hands were at Kouga's mouth to keep the wolf from spitting out the food and Kouga's hands were wrapped around Inuyasha's throat, attempting to strangle the dog.

Though all strangling and food stuffing ceased as the Commissioner's personal secretary, Aiyume (a.k.a. "The Walking Rack of Heaven," as dubbed by Kouga and the rest of the full blooded males within the vicinity), walked by, flashing a saucy smile and then continuing on her way. As she passed InuTaishou she shot him a mischievous wink, causing the elder to blush slightly and nod back in acknowledgement.

Looking back over to the boys and seeing that they still had a hold of the other, he hastily moved forward to break up the paused fight. However, before he could, Ayame beat him to it and slapped a sticky note on Inuyasha's forehead as she passed him before handing a few case files to InuTaishou and walking away without a single word.

Both canine demons froze, looking at the note. Kouga's eyes widened as he read what it said, releasing his strangle hold on his partner's neck and turning his head to the side to spit out what had been in his mouth.

"I almost forgot! Naraku wants to see you in his office right away," he said, grabbing Inuyasha's wrist to drag him off.

He was stopped, however, as InuTaishou grabbed hold of Inuyasha's other wrist, stopping both the boys as he ripped the note off of his son's forehead to properly read it.

His eyes narrowed. The note was short and simple.

_Naraku wants Inuyasha in his office as soon as he's in the building._ Disregarding the _P.S. – We need to talk, Kouga. And don't you dare try to weasel out of it this time,_ InuTaishou tossed the note aside and leaned forward.

"You should keep on your toes when around Naraku, Inuyasha," InuTaishou said quietly.

"Keh, don't worry, _Father._ I trust him about as much as I trust you," Inuyasha mocked sincerity.

InuTaishou simply raised an eyebrow, causing Inuyasha's eyes to narrow.

"It's sad that you don't even know how much that is."

InuTaishou decided it best to change the topic.

"Any idea of what he might be wanting to see you about?"

"Dunno. Maybe he's got another case for me to work on or something," Inuyasha replied, shrugging.

"Fat chance of that happening, mutt face," came the cocky voice in front of the two inus.

"Ah, Kouga, I almost forgot. I have a file I need you to look over and then assign to one of the boys," InuTaishou informed the wolf demon.

Inuyasha merely growled, causing the wolf to smirk.

"Gotcha, chief. Anyway," Kouga stated, then turned his attention to the younger inu deviously. "I still have your clothes, dog breath. You took off so fast last night that you forgot them at my place," Kouga grinned, realizing that InuTaishou probably had no knowledge as to what his son had done the night before.

"You... went to Kouga's last night?" InuTaishou asked.

"Yeah..." Inuyasha responded carefully, glaring at the beast he was forced to call a partner.

"Oh, I see. I didn't realize that-" InuTaishou stopped himself. The hanyou panicked.

"That what!? I'm not g-"

"He's not going to kiss and tell, isn't that right, mutt? Com'on, Commish wants to see you A.S.A.P." And with that, Inuyasha was dragged off by Kouga yet again.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

While his son was dragged off by his division's best detective, InuTaishou merely shook his head, scratching behind his ear, thinking.

_Not that I have a problem if he swings that way... He's the only family I have left. No matter what, he's got to know that I'll accept him for what he is. My son._

* * *

**Next Time on INUYASHA, P.I. Case 5: Edopolis Precinct**  
_So now the Big Boss wants to see me. It's probably about my Top Secret assignment. I wonder if my dad's suspicious at all. Oh well. This meeting better not last too long. I've gotta meet up with Mr. Musashi later. But shit! I've gotta spend my precious time reading a god foresaken tome!! Who the hell does my uncle think he is?! Alright, fine, he's the boss, but that's hardly the point here! Are things starting to connect together or am I looking into this too much! Next time, on InuYasha, P.I.!

* * *

_

**Blooper Reel:**

_Great_, he thought, glaring down at the offending footwear. _My only option is to grab the item and run, and here I am stuck with wolf brain's thousand dollar shoes_.

Suddenly, a brilliant idea entered the hanyou's mind, and he crouched down, slipping off one shoe and taking careful aim.

Winding back for the pitch, Inuyasha threw the shoe with all his might, silently cheering as the projectile smacked the man holding the smaller package in the head, knocking him out cold.

Quickly, the demon removed the other shoe and was taking aim when-

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SHOES?!?"

Inuyasha whirled around to see a furious Kouga storming up behind him.

"What? It's the only defense I've got!"

"Give me that!" the wolf demon demanded, snatching away the remaining shoe before stomping off to fetch the other one.

"CUT!"

**Doodle-eh-doo!**

Inuyasha sat up and looked around wildly for a moment before his gaze landed on his bed.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" he yelled at the bed, firmly convinced in his disoriented state that the mattress itself had thrown him to the floor all on its own accord.

"Watch that mouth, pup," came an authority growl. Only one person had that nerve-wrecking, scarier-than-death-itself growl.

"D-dad?!? What the hell are you doing in my apartment!" Inuyasha blurted out.

"What the hell am I doing in your apartment? What the hell are you doing not naked??" InuTaishou shot back, reaching into his coat's pocket to pull out the 'Inuyasha, P.I.' script. "See! It clearly states right here that you should be naked! Not clad in boxers!"

"Dad, I really don't think that matters…" Inuyasha mumbled, his cheeks turning pink as he pulled his comforter around his waist as if to shield his undergarments from his father's wrath.

"Matters? Of course it matters!! The writers of this story spent long hours brainstorming how each and every scene should go, and you dare insult them by wearing BOXERS!" the older demon cried waving the script about. "Take your underwear off right now young man, or so help me, I'll take them off for you!"

With a yip, the hanyou scampered offstage to change.


	5. Case File 05: Edopolis Precinct

**Case 5: Edopolis Precinct**

Inuyasha was in shock as Kouga dragged him down the hall, his body completely frozen. Who wouldn't be, what with having one of his biggest insecurities being, more or less, revealed (Lies! They were all lies!) in bits and pieces of what the mangy wolf had hinted about in his conversation with his father.

"You dirty bastard!! Now my dad's gonna think I'm into men! And I'm totally not!" Inuyasha freaked.

"Oh, give it a rest. Besides, who said anything about you being the one being IN the man? You're more of an uke than you realize, mutt," Kouga grinned, escorting Inuyasha to the Commissioner's office.

"WHAT!"

Kouga chuckled at the irate look in the white haired inu's face. "Commish told me to have you wait in his office. He'll be out of his meeting shortly."

And with that Kouga shut the door.

"That bastard," Inuyasha grumbled, taking a seat.

Only a few minutes had passed and he still had yet to hear any movement from outside the door signaling his uncle's arrival.

Inuyasha growled, impatient and highly anxious. Who wouldn't be feeling that way, especially if they had some super mysterious item that they couldn't get open the night before?

The so-called item that he had to steal less than 24 hours earlier, which he originally thought to be someone's dirty drawers, turned out to be one old fucking book! What the hell! You want a book; you go to the fucking library! Who the hell steals _books_ nowadays? Geez! Not only that, but the book was so old it couldn't even be opened. It frustrated him to no end, too. Why anyone would want a broken book in the first place was completely beyond him.

Oh well, he'd find out sooner or later he supposed.

But that wasn't what was making the hanyou anxious, let alone impatient. He had to meet with Mr. Musashi- _Sesshomaru_ – today at 6:00pm. He wasn't sure what would come of it; was the item Inuyasha stole the wrong thing? Would he get punished if it was? Keh! Like that cocky bastard could do anything to him!

Just then the door creaked open and Inuyasha was thankful that he had the training he did not to jump at being startled back into awareness.

"Ah, good, you're here, Inuyasha," came the voice of his uncle.

"Yeah, that fleabag had the nerve to think I didn't know where your office was, and dragged me here early," Inuyasha grumbled. "Stupid bastard."

Naraku chuckled, stepping into his office discreetly, quietly shutting the door behind him and walking over to his desk.

He set a stack of papers down upon the side of his desk in a neat pile and then took a seat, sitting back and staring at his nephew.

"So, Inuyasha, I hope you've managed to find a way into the Underworld by now?"

"Uhm, sort of, uncle," Inuyasha replied.

"What do you mean by 'sort of?' Either you have or you haven't, which is it?" Naraku asked.

"Well, I have found a source to the Underworld, and I think I've left a good enough impression on him to get into his trust."

"That's good. When will you know?"

"I'll know later today, sir," Inuyasha answered.

"Very well," Naraku replied, giving a sigh that caught the hanyou's attention.

"What's wrong?" Inuyasha asked, knowing that tired sigh anywhere. Something was definitely up and bothering his uncle.

"Last night a very important transaction was interrupted," Naraku began. "An object to be given to the police to help us gain a foothold in the fight against demons was stolen. The suspect even managed to evade the snipers' shots."

Inuyasha's eyes widened slightly, his heart beating a little faster.

"Uhh, what... exactly is this object in question?"

"A book," Naraku supplied simply, evading any form of detail, turning his chair to the side in order to gather a few files to give to his nephew. "Now, as you know, we'll need to keep up appearances for your father in order to keep him from getting too suspicious as to what you've spent your days doing. I've noticed the lot of you tend to go sniffing around where your noses don't belong."

"Being canine comes with a territory," Inuyasha supplied, quoting something he often heard his father say.

"I'm sure," Naraku said dryly. "Here's the file."

"File for what?"

"For the case you are going to pretend to be investigating to throw others off track."

"Great. So, what's it about?" Inuyasha said, taking the manila folder and slipping it into his lap, not even bothering to look through the information himself.

Naraku closed his eyes momentarily in annoyance. His nephew may have been great in the field but when it came to paperwork and actually having to find the clues on written documents he was as stubborn and ignorant as a damn puppy.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, the commissioner stressed, "It's in the file, Inuyasha."

"You mean you're making me _read_ all this crap? It's like, two inches thick!" the hanyou complained.

Naraku would have groaned in agitation if he hadn't had to deal with this for the last twenty-two years of his life.

"Burglary. Only witness to call it in lived on the other side of the district while all other residents between the two points denied hearing anything, which means someone, somewhere, is lying.

Inuyasha blinked.

"What kind of burglary? What did the witness have to say? How come they-?"

"It's in the _file_."

The half-demon grumbled up a storm as he proceeded to open the seemingly four volume file.

"I want you to go through that so if your father asks any questions, you'll know what he's talking about. It wouldn't do to have him become suspicious," Naraku informed his young P.I.

"Aw, man," came the anticipated whine. "Fine, I have time to kill anyway today before that meeting."

"Very well, see to it that you have that thoroughly crammed into that stubborn head of yours by tomorrow morning," Naraku grinned.

"Yeah, yeah. See you later, Commish," the hanyou smirked in return as he got up and left the office.

Once outside his uncle's workplace, the hanyou took a long needed breath of air.

Shit. A fucking police transaction was interrupted?! And the fucking item was a goddamn book! Jesus Christ, it was freaky how everything seemed to be tied together.

Shoulders slumped, Inuyasha grumbled as he stepped into the elevator and headed back down to the first floor of the precinct. Stupid file. He hoped whoever came up with the stupid system of writing up twenty page reports for investigators to read died a very painful death. Case files should be limited to a few simple fact sheets. Three pages tops.

The young detective looked back at the file in his hand. Two inches thick. Two WHOLE inches! And he had to READ all of it! Oh God, he was going to die. Stupid sadistic uncle making him read up on a stupid case he didn't really have to stupid investigate…

Getting off the elevator and dragging his feet as he weaved through the numerous desks littered about the first floor, Inuyasha was definitely NOT looking forward to heading back to his office. The day's outlook seemed to be getting gloomier by the second.

Forgetting that was supposed to be mad at his partner, the hanyou trudged up to Kouga like some poor, pathetic, wet dog. Which he, strangely enough, felt like.

"Kouga, you love me, right?" Inuyasha asked. "You'd do everything in your power to save me from a horrible fate, wouldn't you?"

The ookami was instantly on his guard. "That depend-"

Inuyasha pressed the thick file against Kouga's chest, not giving him a chance to finish. "Read this for me."

"What, are you nuts? That thing is like two inches thick!" Kouga exclaimed, pushing the file back.

"Oh, come on! You're going to end up reading it anyways when you go snooping through my office. I'm just trying to save you the trouble now."

"Hell no. Get that monstrous thing away from me!"

"It only looks monstrous because it's filled with so many pictures," Inuyasha insisted, refusing to give up.

"Oh yeah? Then why don't _you_ read it?"

"Because _I_ am a busy man," Inuyasha said haughtily. "You know, places to go, people to see and such."

Kouga growled and grabbed the young hanyou by the shirt. "Listen, _pup_, don't you go stealing my lin-"

"Inuyasha!"

Both canine demons stopped and blinked as Kagome suddenly appeared out of nowhere, wedged between them. They paused yet again as the girl's hands flew all over Inuyasha's body; groping and touching his arms, shoulders, chest, stomach, thighs, butt-

"Hey! HEY!!"

"Ka-Kagome!"

In a flash, Kouga pulled Kagome away, clasping her hands and tearfully asking her, "How could you?" while Inuyasha blushed bright red and wrapped his arms protectively around his being and demanded, "What the hell!"

"Are you alright, Inuyasha?" Kagome asked worriedly. "You're not hurt are you?"

"Hurt? Why would he be hurt?" Realization dawned on Kouga. "You're just using that as an excuse to touch a man's body, aren't you? Well, if that's the case, my biceps have been really sore lately…"

"Of course I'm alright, stupid. As if anything could hurt me," Inuyasha stated confidently.

"But I saw your bike and-"

"My bike? What about my bike?!"

Kagome huffed. "Well if you would shut up and let me fini-"

"_Relax_, Kagome darling," Kouga interrupted, moving around the girl to throw an arm over his partner's shoulders. "Inuyasha here was just playing a little game of tag yesterday and had a teeny-tiny wipeout is all. A few small scratches or dents or whatever resulting damages you saw on his bike isn't anything to get so worried over."

"But I saw-"

"There are dents and scratches on my _bike?!_" Inuyasha cried out.

"There's more-"

"Oh come on, _Yash_. Such minor damage is hardly worth freaking out over," Kouga tried to pacify.

"The damage-"

"You don't understand. There are fucking _dents_ and _scratches_ on my _BIKE!!_" Inuyasha said, completely freaking out. "And don't call me _Yash!_"

"But the bul-"

"I'm going to _murder_ that bastard!" Inuyasha raved, not giving Kagome a chance to speak as he stormed towards the door. "Decapitate him! I'm gonna gut him alive and force-feed his bowels to his subordinates! I'll-"

"Inuyasha, SIT!"

Inuyasha froze and looked back at Kagome questioningly.

"Sit. Down. _Now._"

Inuyasha, as well as every other man, woman, and child within the vicinity (criminal or otherwise), sat.

Only one person remained standing; a hardened criminal with a rap sheet as long as his arm (within which murder, rape, and torture were listed several times over amongst other things), and that was because no chairs were left for him to sit in. The last word that young college girl had uttered came out in a nearly satanic tone and caused him to now sport an impressively large (and still growing) wet spot in the front of his jeans for the world to see.  
_  
Oh God, I'll confess. I'll confess for everything and voluntarily go to prison for the rest of my life_, he thought as tears poured down his face. _Just as long as they never put her in my presence ever again! _

Inuyasha perched stiffly on the edge of a small wooden chair as a thoroughly pissed Kagome marched over.

"Jacket! Off! Now!" she barked.

The jacket came off.

"Shoes!"

The shoes joined the jacket.

"Socks!"

The socks as well.

"Shirt and pa-!"

"Wai-wait, wait, wait!" Kouga cried, jumping up to Inuyasha's rescue. "You aren't seriously going to make him strip down in front of all these people, are you?"

Kagome's pissed countenance instantly changed into one of shocked embarrassment. "Oh my gosh, you're right! Sorry! I guess I got a little carried away."

Inuyasha snorted, but didn't dare say anything more as he slouched back in his seat like a petulant child.

Clearing her throat, Kagome continued. "Now, Inuyasha, if you would please roll your sleeves up for me."

Undoing the cuffs first, Inuyasha pushed both of his sleeves up until they were securely bunched up and cutting off the blood circulation in his well-defined biceps, scowling as Kagome grabbed his wrists and turned his arms this way and that as she checked for injuries.

Finding none, she gave a self-satisfied nod before releasing him and stepping back. "Now for your shirt."

The hanyou's eyes widened comically as his cheeks tinged pink. She seriously wanted to check out his torso? _Here?_ But that would consist of everyone seeing his…his _nipples!_

Catching on to Inuyasha's train of thought, Kagome rolled her eyes. "I meant lift your shirt up, not take it off."

Oh. Well that was different.

Sitting up straight, Inuyasha lifted his shirt up to just below the nipples, hoping that would be enough to satisfy Ms. Bossy.

Kagome eyed his stomach critically for a moment. "Well, you certainly don't seem injured," she said, looking at his pants in an obvious debate over whether to check out his legs as well.

As if sensing the girl's intent, Kouga once again stepped in. "I told you he was fine, Kagome. He's got me to look out for him, after all."

"Oh really? And were you even there when he was getting shot at?" Kagome asked skeptically.

"'Course I was! Who do you think saved his ass?"

Inuyasha frowned at Kagome's choice of words. "Wait, how did you know about me getting sh-?"

"By causing him to wipe out on his bike," Kagome deadpanned. "You call that saving someone?"

"Fine, then. I'll _prove_ it." With that, Kouga's hand dived into Inuyasha's shirt, groping and skimming about his chest.

"HEY!!" The inu demon shouted, arms and legs flailing about in a wild, unsure manner.

"Calm down," Kouga growled, still feeling intimately about before grinning and leaning close to his partner's ear. "Or else I might start to think that you're enjoying this."

This statement only prompted Inuyasha to flail about even more, causing him to crash to the floor and Kouga to fall into the chair.

"Ah-ha! Here it is!" Kouga said triumphantly from his position lying on his side across the chair, arms and legs dangling from either side.

Inuaysha groaned due to his head being painfully reclined against the leg of the chair while the rest of his body rested horizontally on the floor. Opening his eyes from their previously squeezed shut position, he instantly went cross-eyed at the object Kouga now had dangling right in front of his face.

"Oooh, what's that?" Kagome asked, crouching down for a better look.

"It's his good luck charm," Kouga replied, taking great care not to snap the object from around Inuyasha's neck as he twisted around to a more comfortable position on his stomach.

"But…isn't it kind of…girly?"

Kouga chuckled as they both looked closely at the unusually dark amethyst bead surrounded by two small fangs of ivory before Inuyasha snatched the necklace away and stuffed it back into the safety of his shirt.

"It was my mom's, alright? No need for you to get so nosey about it," Inuyasha snapped, sitting up straight as he grabbed his shoes and socks.

Kouga smiled at Kagome's apologetic look, ignoring Inuyasha's foul-tempered grumbles of "Need to shower now…never been so violated…ever!" while he straightened his rumpled clothes as he stood.

"It carries some sort of protection spell, which is why he actually wears it rather than just holding on to it," Kouga explained.

"Oh. What kind of protection spell?" Kagome asked.

"I'm not sure, to be honest," Kouga admitted, scratching his head. "I stopped listening after a bit, but it's guaranteed to protect Inuyasha from harm. So don't worry about him so much. He's a big boy now."

"The term you're looking for is 'man'," Inuyasha growled, hopping on one foot while trying to slip on his shoe.

"Yeah, that means you only have to go crying to daddy only once every other day now, right?" Kouga teased, quickly dodging the fist that came flying his way.

Ignoring the fight that was now tearing its way back and forth between the two desks restricting it, Kagome sighed happily. "Thank goodness. I was so worried when I saw the bullet holes around the place where the decal used to be."

The fight froze.

"Bullet holes?" Inuyasha questioned, one hand shoving Kouga's face back while the other was struggling free of the hardened grip it was captured in so that it could do some real damage. "What bullet holes?"

"The ones on your bike. Didn't you know?"

Inuyasha's jaw hit the floor. "There're _bullet holes_ in my _BIKE?!?!_"

"Erm…kind of…yes," Kagome answered meekly at the inu's sudden outrage.

"There're – bul – in – in – my-"

Kouga slowly stood and backed away until he was standing next to Kagome. "I think you broke him," he said lowly, cautiously keeping an eye on his partner who was currently hunched over and muttering to himself with his head in his hands.

Kagome nodded, taking a few careful steps forward. "Inuyasha…?"

At the sound of his name, the hanyou's head suddenly shot up, eyes narrowed as he glared at his almost-girlfriend. "You lie," he hissed accusingly.

"W-what?"

"You're lying," Inuyasha repeated as he stood.

"Excuse me? Why would I lie about something like this?"

"I don't know, maybe you're just jealous!"

Kagome's mouth fell open. "Jea-! Of _what?!_"

"Keh. The hell if I know," Inuyasha said while crossing his arms defiantly. "Maybe you're still mad about that time I didn't go with you to the library because I had to work on my bike instead."

Kagome frowned in confusion before her eyes widened in remembrance. "You idiot! I had completely forgotten about that, but now that you mention it, yeah, I am still pissed about that! What kind of self-respecting man chooses a bike over a woman!"

"Oh yeah! Well, what kind of self-respecting woman chooses to change a date location to the library!" Inuyasha shot back.

"Are you saying that you voluntarily _chose_ to use your bike as an excuse so you wouldn't have to accompany me to the library?" Kagome asked dangerously.

"Keh, you sure are dumb if you're only just figuring that out now."

"Uh-oh…" Kouga took several large steps back.

"What?" the demonic voice was back.

Inuyasha blinked, suddenly realizing the peril he was now in. "Er, I mean-"

"Forget it! You were right! I was totally lying about your bike!"

"…You were?" The hanyou's eyes brightened. That is, until...

"Yes. Your bike is completely _riddled_ with bullet holes instead of just a few!"

Inuyasha's face took on an expression of pure terror as he stepped back in shock.

"Yeah, that's right!" Kagome continued maliciously. "It looks like Swiss cheese right now! And the scratches – Ugh! – don't even get me started-!"

"No! Argh! Shut up! You're lying! My bike is fine!"

"It's a mangled mess!"

"LIES! THEY'RE ALL LIES!" Inuyasha shouted, running out of the precinct, his hands covering his ears.

Kouga stood wide-eyed off to the side for a moment before stepping forward. "Er…Kagome?"

"Kouga!" Kagome whirled around. "What are you doing Saturday night?"

Kouga blinked, quickly realizing that Opportunity was pounding on his door. "Nothing! I am absolutely free and ready to be beckoned by your lovely call."

"Good. We're going on a date," Kagome stated with absolute finality.

"W-we are? Really? You mean it?" Kouga asked, unable to stop himself from sounding like an overexcited cub.

"Yes. You're going to take me to a nice dinner and then to see some show down in the theatre district, and after that, dessert at the ice cream parlor, got it?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Kouga replied with flourish. "Wait, which show?"

"Surprise me," Kagome said angrily as she slung her backpack around her shoulder with more force than necessary. "Ooooh, that stupid Inuyasha! And to think that I was even worried that he might be hurt! I hope he gets hit by a bus!"

"Aw, you know you don't mean that," Kouga consoled, putting an arm around the girl's shoulders and pulling her close.

"Yeah, I guess…"

"A bus, huh?" a voice accused from behind. "If that's the case, I hope _you_ get hit by a dump truck! Twice!"

"Very mature, dog breath," Kouga replied lazily as he turned around, a startled Kagome jumping away in surprise. "What are you doing back here so soon, anyways?"

"Forgot my file," Inuyasha sniffed, snatching up the retardedly thick manila folder and stuffing it into his trench coat. "Now if you two cozy, backstabbing lovebirds will excuse me, I've got some reading to do."

And with that, Inuyasha stomped off in a childish fit of rage, wishing it was 6 o' clock already and that he didn't have to read this massive godforsaken volume of crap.

* * *

**Next time on INUYASHA, P.I., Case 6: Hi-Nezuni Tower**  
_You ever get the feeling the whole world is against you? First, I'm asked to steal a broken book, then it turns out Kagome is right and there are fucking bullet holes in my bike, and now that bastard Sesshomaru refuses to give me the respect I deserve for not only putting my ass on the line for him, but for totaling my bike in the process. He sure as hell better pay me back for all the trouble I'm going through! And not in the way he's trying to now! Wah! Things are really heating up next time on InuYasha, P.I.

* * *

_

**Blooper Reel:**

"What kind of burglary? What did the witness have to say? How come they-?"

"It's in the _file_."

The half-demon grumbled up a storm as he proceeded to open the seemingly four volume file.

"I want you to go through that so if your father asks any questions, you'll know what he's talking about. It wouldn't do to have him become suspicious," Naraku informed his young P.I.

"Aw, man," came the anticipated whine. "Can't I just glance through it and pretend to know what the hell I'm talking about?"

"You mean like you usually do? No," the Commissioner answered.

"What if I just make a bunch of crap up?" Inuyasha tried.

"You know that won't work."

"Well, what if I hide the file?"

"No."

"How about-"

"_Read_ the _file_," Naraku ordered, a dark miasma floating about his being as his patience wore thin.

Inuyasha groaned and slouched down as far as he could go in his chair until he was practically laying in it. Deciding that wasn't far enough, he continued to moan petulantly and slid further until he was crumpled down on the floor. "But I don't want tooooooooo," he whined from his prostrate position.

Naraku massaged his temples. "God, I need a drink…"

**Doodle-eh-doo! **

"Inuyasha, SIT!" Kagome commanded, only to blink in confusion as she saw the hanyou was no longer there. "Wha-?"

Suddenly, Kouga reappeared on the set, pushing an irate Sesshomaru forward, who happened to be sporting a set of false white puppy ears upon his head.

"Inuyasha's not here," Kouga explained. "He's too chicken shit to do this scene, so we're going to have to use this stand in instead."

"I protest," Sesshomaru stated dully, his words going ignored.

"He's _scared_?!? What do you mean he's scared!" Kagome demanded. "I practically grope his every last muscle! What man wouldn't want that??"

"You know, I'd _gladly_ fill in, but seeing as how I look nothing like the dog…" Kouga shrugged.

"Oooh, when I get my hands on him!"

"CUT!"


	6. Case File 06: Hi Nezuni Tower

**Case 6: Hi-Nezuni Tower**

The address was written on the piece of paper as thus:

_Hi-Nezuni__ Tower_  
_Floor 50_

As Inuyasha looked from the piece of paper and up at the building that, in all reality _should_ be called a tower, he fell backwards onto his ass, the cigarette between his fingers slipping from his grip and landing in his lap, burning him. He promptly cursed at the offending thing and then flicked it into the gutter behind him, looking back up at the monstrosity before him.

Fucking hell! This place had to be at least 50 stories high! And made from windows! Good God, those must be a bitch to clean!

While massaging the sore muscles in the back of his neck (whether it was from the wipeout the previous night or because of him gawking at the building like a complete jackass, who knew) he noted that this area of Edopolis was probably the richest he'd ever been in, what with the fucking water fountains for prissy little poodle dogs on the ground at every block. He almost had the audacity to think that the water was probably bottled before being poured into a huge well and thus transferred to the fountains. Oops. Too late. He thought it.

Inuyasha snorted, grabbing another cigarette from his case and lighting it up promptly, not really caring whether this place allowed smoking or not.

Walking determinedly toward the ominous and very intimidating glass doors, the hanyou was slightly startled when they opened automatically. Not that he'd never been to a place where they did, he had, it was just... hell! They were fucking huge! And had handles on them as if you were supposed to open them yourself! How could-!?

Stepping through the entrance, Inuyasha would have pictured a lavish layout of furs and leather furniture strewn about here and there (not to mention more dog fountains) but what did he get? A fucking huge, narrow room, with about five elevators on either side of him and one big impending desk of doom where a snotty looking receptionist was giving him a very distasteful look before he none too discreetly leaned over and pressed something out of eyesight, which the hanyou could hear gave off a funky bzz'd sound.

And seconds later Inuyasha knew what that damn, cursed button was for, the cigarette almost falling from his lips at the sight before him.

Fucking hell! They had fucking guard dogs in a place that had absolutely nothing to steal (at least, nothing that he could discreetly stash in his trench coat, that is) and, even if one did manage to steal something, where exactly did they expect said stealer to hide!? Not to mention that since the desk jerk seemed to have control over a few things in the room, Inuyasha didn't doubt that he had control over the doors as well. The bastard probably would have closed them right off if he'd seen him in the front, loitering outside the goddamn place. Actually, just to be a pain in Inuyasha's proverbial (or literal) ass, he probably would have shut it on his nose.

But damn it! Guard dogs?! It was ridiculous! They were fucking huge! Like monster guard dogs from hell! With huge pointy teeth! And beady little eyes that, for reasons unknown, were just as scary as the teeth, and just as gross.

He seriously didn't want to have to beat the shit out of said mongrels (who looked rather ferocious by the way, what with their aforementioned little beady eyes, gigantic, gnarly teeth and foaming slobber that was probably rabies). But the fact stood firm; it was him or them, and Inuyasha wasn't about to be done in by some fucking mutts.

They actually looked like they were part Doberman pincher and part dragon. How the hell the parents got together to make _those_ he wasn't sure...

Suddenly shaking his head of that irrelevant thought Inuyasha growled out his own warning as the theatrically slow moving dogs made their way toward him, poising himself for a defensive attack.

But said defensive attack never happened because the dogs came to an abrupt halt about fifty feet in front of him, shying away from his piercing gold eyes and whimpering as they sniffed the air.

"What the hell is wrong with you! He's an intruder! Attack him!" came the voice of the snotty looking male secretary.

"Keh. Looks like they know better." Inuyasha's tone practically spewed his inner thoughts of, _They fear my awesome power! _He puffed his chest out as he exhaled a drag of his cigarette.

"I'll call the police!" the man threatened as his hand hovered over one of the phones.

Inuyasha almost said, "I _am_ the police," but caught himself in time.

"Keh, like they could do anything to me! On what grounds exactly would you call me in for?"

The man looked slightly taken aback. The half-breed could use big phrases like that?

"Well? What're you gonna tell them? _Gee, this half-breed just came in through the doors of Hi-Nezuni Tower, put him in jail!_ Right, that'll go over real well. Not to mention you'll be making headlines in the papers the next day; RACIST IN HI-NEZUNI SHUNS POOR, YOUNG, HAPLESS HANYOU. Yes, I'm sure your boss'll just love that. Speaking of said dog-bastard, tell Mr. Musashi I'm here, will ya? If I'm late because of you he'll have your head, not to mention your job."

"Why you arrogant little-!!" the man started but was stopped when one of the five phones at his desk went off. He picked up the receiver of the only white one. "Y-yes, sir?"

Inuyasha had to hold back his raucous laughter as the man's face went from pale to beet red and back to a deathly pale again, a shade that even a corpse would have been proud of.

"I- but, sir! My apologies, sir! I've been dealing with this intruding half-breed and-!!"

Inuyasha glared at that remark but the look that passed over the man's face the next moment at whatever the unknown speaker was saying caused amused crinkles to appear at the corners of the hanyou's eyes.

"I- Oh! Yes! Yes, sir! Yes, I think, I mean-! Yes! Right away, sir!" the man said as he peered over his shoulder at Inuyasha every now and then, as if confirming something specific about him. A moment later the man hung the phone up, having apparently regained his composure.

"Please use the elevator to your left," the man began, pushing a button which opened up the correct door, and then added a, somewhat stressed, "_sir_."

Inuyasha snorted, knowing that his parting words would haunt the man for the remainder of his career (which would only be a few more hours if truth be told).

"Don't worry, I'll let Mr. Musashi know just how courteous you were with his _special_ guest," Inuyasha said with fake sincerity as he walked up to the over-sized desk, patted one of the sitting dogs on the head and then proceeded to put his cigarette out on the man's shiny name plate. "Nice knowin' ya, _Mukotsu_."

Inuyasha smirked and did his little hanyou-strut all ten or so feet to the left and into the elevator.

And with that the doors closed.

It took a few minutes before Inuyasha reached the twenty-fifth floor at which he was instructed (by a nice, fairly attractive female demon) to get on another elevator which would take him to the fiftieth floor where Mr. Musashi was awaiting his arrival.

He thanked the woman before winking at her, which caused the loveliest shade of red to bloom across her face. She then giggled incessantly and fled behind her little cubicle, gossiping with her fellow secretaries who had been inconspicuously (yeah, right) listening and peering over the side of their own office stalls at the handsome male. Hanyou or not, the guy was a looker.

And he only proved it when he looked over his shoulder and winked again at the girls, who automatically cried out in the typical fangirl fashion, swooning as the doors closed on a grinning Inuyasha. Heh. He still had it.

Inuyasha took a breath as the elevator climbed towards Floor 50.

Floor 39. Floor 40.

Geez, was it just him, or was this elevator slower than the first one? It sure seemed to be taking its own sweet time in climbing up to the top. They should put a T.V. in here or something. Or maybe even mirrors for walls so that he could make funny faces at himself. Better yet, he'd check out his ear, which still burned a bit from where the bullet scratched it the night before...

Floor 41. Floor 42.

The night before...The item he stole was actually something that had been in the process of being given to the police. He had, essentially, stolen from the fucking police. And not just the police, but his uncle. He had taken something that belonged to family. Such a fact loomed over him like someone's dirty gym shorts.

Floor 43. Floor 44.

And not only that, but the item turned out to be an old fucking book that couldn't even be opened! There had to be some kind of spell on it or something for it to not reveal its contents considering there was no damn lock! That or, since the thing seemed so old, it was rusted (or, God forbid, _molded_) shut.

In any case, if that wasn't enough to piss him off, he couldn't even make out any of the writing on the front! It looked like a bunch of scribbled gibberish to him! And the only thing really identifiable (meaning the only thing he could read) was the symbol of a crescent moon being pierced by a sword, which was on the front cover.

Floor 45. Floor 46.

And the worst thing, the absolute pinnacle of pissed off to the point where you couldn't get any more pissed off, was the fact that that bastard hadn't warned him, or even hinted to him, that there'd be fucking snipers! That wielded not only Varmint A4's a piece but also tried using fucking uzis on him!! Thompson M1921's to be exact! The deadly kind!!

Floor 47. Floor 48.

Not only that, but Kagome hadn't been lying after all! There were fucking bullet holes in his bike! AND there were scratches! SCRATCHES! So many that it looked like some sort of deranged pattern dancing across the once-perfect paint job. But the bullet holes! They shot right through the small decal his father had given him when he got the bike. God _damn_ it! And now Kagome was going on a date with that bastard wolf! All because (in Inuyasha's mind) his bike was _completely_ ruined!

Floor 49.

Ah hell, that was it. He was fucking pissed! No one, but _no one_ messed with his fucking bike! He'd kick the shit out of him for this! His poor bike! His poor wallet! Not to mention his poor form of performance the night before! Damn it!!

Goddamn that dog-bastard and his holier-than-thou attitude and goddamn this fucking elevator for taking its sweet time to crawl up this long, mother-fucking, vagina tunnel of steel building-!!

Bing!

Floor 50.

He was dead. Mr. Musashi- _Sesshomaru_, cause I refuse to give that asshole any title whatsoever, Inuyasha thought- was so fucking dead!

Inuyasha, fully loaded with pissed off pheromones, exited the large elevator and walked into a somewhat barren but highly stylish (at least if you liked that tragic and despairing kind of look) room.

It was small, and obviously just the entrance to Sesshomaru's real office, since there was a young woman behind a gaudy-looking desk, her back to Inuyasha. She was typing something up, while off to the right were large doors which probably led to Hell that, unfortunately enough, just seemed to be calling out to him.

Not wanting to take out his frustrations on the innocent bystander, Inuyasha cleared his throat politely and shut his emotions up for the time being so they wouldn't get him into trouble.

However, that course of action ceased the minute Sesshomaru's personal secretary whirled around on her chair to acknowledge him.

"YOU!" Inuyasha yelled out, pointing at her.

The woman smirked.

"You look ridiculous standing there and singling me out from no one, half-breed," the woman said.

"You're the one that was at that club! At the Miasma! Who tried to hit on me! Kanna...Kebler…Kuyga…Kuyaga…Kaguya...?" Inuyasha's self assured tone died with each attempt on remembering her name.

"Kagura," the female demoness stated flatly.

"Whatever," Inuyasha keh'd.

"Please hang your coat up on the wall over there and Mr. Musashi will see you shortly. He's in a very important phone conference right now," the woman instructed.

"Oh, I'll hang my coat up alright. And I'll go in and see that rat bastard right now!"

And with that Inuyasha practically charged through the large ten foot doors, throwing his trench coat onto the coat rack and barging into the very depressing-looking room that was Sesshomaru's office.

The room itself was a dark, forlorn-looking grey color, the top of the walls lined with a deep, almost blood-colored red. The only furniture to speak of were two mahogany wall tables which were on either side of the doors, holding elegant-looking white roses, two huge bookcases on either side of an enormous desk and two leather chairs in front of said enormous desk. A desk which one Mr. Sesshomaru T. Musashi was currently sitting at, engaged in a heated phone conference with... at least five other males from the sound of things; the other five males being on the receiving end of their own phones in various, unknown places.

Sesshomaru had probably already noticed Inuyasha was present but he gave no indication right away save for an even more foul looking face at having to be the mediator of this all-out brawl fest between his subordinates. And then he looked up and gold gaze met gold gaze.

"Gentlemen. I believe we've finally come to a conclusion. That will be all for now," Sesshomaru said with finality.

The other men sputtered.

"But sir-!"

"We still have to speak about-!"

"And what about-!!"

"Mr. Musashi, surely-!"

"Please, sir! We just need to go over-!"

"I have more important matters to... attend to. My decision is final. Carry it out or find yourselves discontinued. Permanently," and with that the phone was turned off. "I'm glad you made it on time today. Did you retrieve the item?"

"Keh," was Inuyasha's only response as he strode forward, threw the wrapped item onto the large desk, and then detoured around it only to draw his fist back and slam it into Sesshomaru's face.

At least, that was the plan.

Unfortunately for Inuyasha, Sesshomaru had anticipated the move and blocked it easily, which only served to infuriate the irate hanyou even more, catching his fist with his slightly larger hand.

"You bastard! You didn't tell me that there'd be fucking snipers at this transaction of yours!" Inuyasha roared, wrist still elevated and in Mr. Musashi's firm grip. "Not only that, but they shot at me, too!!"

"Hmph. There was no need for me to inform you of such a trivial thing since you obviously obtained no permanent damage," Sesshomaru stated impassively.

Inuyasha struggled to get his arm out of the jerk's grasp. Once he did he reeled back and slammed into the bookcase behind him. Trying not to look like an even bigger idiot than he already did, he braced himself there against the shelf like he meant to do that; something he was sure Mr. Musashi didn't buy and something he himself sure as hell didn't buy. But fuck it if he was going to let his pride be trampled on, too!

"Keh, that's no reason not to tell me about it, you stupid jerk! I coulda been killed!" Sesshomaru continued to look at him in a bored manner which Inuyasha found incentive enough to continue on with his rant. "And what the fuck! You didn't tell me that it was a police matter either!"

Sharp eyes met his. Well _that_ certainly caught the demon's attention.

"How did you find out about that?" was the curt question. "That prospect was supposed to be top secret."

"Yeah, well... how'd _you_ find out about it then?" Inuyasha countered.

"As if I need to explain myself to you," was Sesshomaru's response.

Oh, that did it!

"Fuck you! I'm the one that had to go and almost get blown to bits! The least you could do is drop me a line or two, you sneaky asshole!" Inuyasha accused, pushing himself away from the bookcase now and pacing back and forth throughout the office grumbling up a storm while sending the bastard dark looks whenever said grumblings were focused on him. Which was quite often.

After about five minutes of complete silence on Mr. Musashi's part, Inuyasha decided that he should just give up trying to talk to _Lord_ Sesshomaru today and try getting answers some other time because, damn it, he had better things to do! Like go to different garages and get estimates on how much his poor, battered baby would cost to get fixed up. He whimpered at just the thought of how much dough that was going to take.

With that in mind he headed toward the elevator but was stopped when the demon suddenly spoke.

"An old partner of mine ran the receiving end of the transaction. However, he has been leaving me in the dark lately which is something that I don't like. Therefore, naturally, I am taking matters into my own hands," Sesshomaru answered the hanyou's earlier question.

"That's a lie!" Inuyasha accused suddenly, turning around and stalking back up to the desk.

Sesshomaru snorted before saying, "On what grounds exactly do you lay that accusation?"

"Keh! As if _I_ need to explain myself to _you!_" Inuyasha mocked, turning his back to him yet again and crossing his arms across his chest in agitation. Sesshomaru snorted at that which only enraged the hanyou yet again. It wasn't just that, it was also the fact that, when putting two and two together, Inuyasha refused to believe that his uncle would deal with someone like Sesshomaru, let alone anyone with _bad_ demon blood like Underworld warlords.

"So tell me, half-breed. How exactly did you escape those snipers unscathed?"

Something clicked in said half-breed's head and he snapped, whirling around and slamming his fists on the desk for extra emphasis if the look he held wasn't enough.

"It was YOU!! You broke it, you bastard!! You broke my precious Tetsusaiga!"

* * *

**Next Time on INUYASHA, P.I., Case 7: Floor 50**  
_If there ever comes a time when one finds himself stuck between a Door of Doom and a fucking hard place, what does one do? Pick the Door of Doom, of course! Because that hard place that's being jammed into my hip means Sesshomaru is more than just a little happy to see me and that's the LAST thing I need right now. Why, you ask? Because the asshole doesn't believe in respecting people's personal bubbles, that's why! And what the hell! He wants to what my what?! And why does the answer to that involve XXX?!? Fuck, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?_

* * *

**  
Blooper Reel:**

They actually looked like they were part Doberman pincher and part dragon. How the hell the parents got together to make _those_ he wasn't sure...

Suddenly shaking his head of that irrelevant thought Inuyasha growled out his own warning as the theatrically slow moving dogs made their way toward him, poising himself for a defensive attack.

But said defensive attack never happened because the dogs came to an abrupt halt about fifty feet in front of him, shying away from his piercing gold eyes and whimpering as they sniffed the air before barking happily and racing towards him.

Eyes widened as the larger-than-life, ferocious, big pointy teeth, beady little eye dogs came bounding towards him, a sight that would make any lesser man pee himself, before Inuyasha was unceremoniously tackled to the ground. Wet noses sniffed his being and slobbery tongues licked at his face in greeting, as the hanyou was torn between amusement and disgust.

"Alright, already!" he cried, struggling to sit up. "I get the point! It's nice to meet you too! Now get off. Get off, get off – HOLY-! Get offa me!!" Inuyasha squeaked as several noses suddenly tried to attach themselves to his groin.

Hand diving into his pocket, he pulled out the snacks he had stored in there and tossed them away, effectively saving himself from a gross case of sexual harassment.


	7. Case File 07: Floor 50

**Case 7: Floor 50 **

"It was YOU!! You broke it, you bastard! You broke my precious Tetsusaiga!!"

Expecting Mr. Musashi to just look at him in a bored manner like he usually did, he was taken aback when sharp glowing orbs turned their full attention to him. And then, with an even sharper, clipped tone, he asked,

"What..._exactly_ is this Tetsusaiga you speak of?"

"And for another- Huh? Uh, my bike." The half-demon paused as he once again realized the full implications and condition of said bike. "You broke my bike, you fucker! Now it's riddled with bullet holes and looks like Swiss cheese! Completely mangled! You had better reimburse me for all the shit I had to go through! Not only did my bike get thrashed in that shoot out, but they practically took off my ear!" Inuyasha stated, pointing at his poor furry appendage which had been grazed by a bullet at one point the night before.

The bullets in question had to have been coated in poison for his wound to not heal while he slept. It's almost as if they knew he was going to interrupt the transaction, that they had been ready for his appearance...A notion that bothered him slightly.

Sesshomaru's sharp eyes seemed to soften slightly as he pushed his chair back and stood, walking leisurely around his desk and past Inuyasha. The aforementioned hanyou didn't bother turning around to face the man, feeling that if he did, the demon would somehow win. Win what, Inuyasha wasn't sure of but damn it and everything else if he were to give in!

However, all that met his sensitive ears was silence, which not only piqued the hanyou's curiosity but also drove him insane at the thought that Mr. Musashi would leave the room and not tell him.

So naturally, when he turned around, it came as a surprise to find the demon invading his personal bubble. Instinctively, he tried stepping back but his hindquarters bumped into the desk behind him and rendered the hanyou immobile for the time being.

"You poor thing," Sesshomaru said in a tone that bordered a husky whisper.

As the demon got closer, Inuyasha tried molding himself to the desk behind him, his clawed hands gripping the wood on either side of his person, body too shocked to move. What the hell was going on?

The youkai's eyes moved about his body, slowly taking in every detail that he could see above clothing.

"He-Hey-!" Inuyasha sputtered at Sesshomaru as he slowly pushed himself against the hanyou, though his ramblings stopped short when a familiar feeling surged through his body.

He had felt many emotions before, longing and lust included, but this... this was so completely beyond lust he couldn't identify it with any word in his (limited) vocabulary.

It was power. A power that seemed to originate from the one pinning him and flowed through his being, making him hot…making him weak… Inuyasha prayed that Sesshomaru wouldn't come any closer to touching him because suddenly he wasn't so sure he could take this asshole on.

And that's when he felt it. A mouth hovering just to the side of his hurt ear; hot, moist breath ghosting over the furry appendage.

Inuyasha's ears twitched nervously, his own mouth suddenly dry as he tried gulping back saliva he didn't possess.

"You bastard, what are you-?" but the hanyou couldn't finish his sentence because all coherent thought fled when a cheek and nose started nuzzling the side of his head, breathing in his scent and filing it into memory.

"_Sesshomaru._ My name is Sesshomaru," the demon stated, enunciating his words with seemingly affectionate nuzzles.

Inuyasha was in such a dazed state of being at this point that he didn't even realize his soft, breathless reply of, "_Sesshomaru..._"

Said demon grinned and moved down from the furry triangle; eyes closed in blissful contemplation, rubbing the side of his face into the thickness that was Inuyasha's neck. The intoxicating scent the half-demon seemed to be releasing from behind his ears was wrecking havoc upon his superior senses. The skin there was warm, far too warm and bordering the beginnings of dampness from the shock it was getting by the demon's sudden attentions.

"You smell absolutely delicious, _Inuyasha,_" Sesshomaru breathed, and then added, almost as an afterthought. "That, however, may be because you are not carrying that wolf's scent this time."

Apparently (judging from the half**-**demon's reaction) _that_ was the wrong thing to say.

Something inside of Inuyasha brought his brain to full awareness... What had Sesshomaru just said? Something about him... smelling good... that it must have been because he didn't smell like a wolf... that he didn't smell like... Kouga... _Shit!_

"Get off of me, you stupid bastard!" the hanyou all but yelled. This was something Kouga would have done and Inuyasha refused to give into either of the demons' superior-than-any-half-breed-so-you'll-submit-to-me shit! "You're just like _him!_" Inuyasha roared, pushing a somewhat surprised youkai away from him. He didn't elaborate on who he meant but he was fairly sure Sesshomaru caught his meaning if his expression was anything to go by.

Giving a definitive 'keh' in scoff, Inuyasha, in all of his half-demon grace (which wasn't much, mind you), turned tail and made it a priority to get the hell out of the building, more importantly _this_ office.

However, as his hand cupped the door handle, opening it only enough to peek outside into the small front office at Sesshomaru's personal secretary, Kagura (who wore a somewhat startled, yet knowing look on her face at the hanyou's impending doom), his planned escape was cut short when, not even a second later, the door was slammed shut in his face.

From the inside.

_Shit. I'm in deep fucking shit_, Inuyasha thought as he felt the overpowering presence of the only other male in the room behind him. Said male's finely clawed right hand was above and to the side of Inuyasha's head, effectively halting all plans of a break out. At least through the door, that is. And he most assuredly wasn't about to jump through Sesshomaru's practically all-window office and down 50 floors of fucking air!! That would make him seem desperate! Which he wasn't!

"Now, where do you think you're going?" came a knowing voice from behind.

"Away the fuck from you!" Inuyasha growled, trying to maneuver his body into a position where he didn't feel so helpless. His right hand still had a vice-like, determined grip on the door knob, while his other one was bracing himself against the door itself. Not that he was panicking, mind you. It's just...he had to get the hell out of this position!

Unfortunately for him, he was stuck between the Door of Doom and the Prick from Hell, both which were looking very tempting to use as a scratching post at the moment.

The hanyou growled at the only thing in his line of vision (which wasn't much; about two inches ahead of him).

_Damn you, Door of Doom. Damn you. _

"You're being rude, Inuyasha. I haven't even dismissed you from our meeting, and yet you're still trying to flee," Sesshomaru said from behind. Inuyasha could just hear the amused smirk in the arrogant asshole's tone. Damn, that 50 floor air drop was looking pretty tempting at the moment, that was for sure.

"Yeah, well you're not exactly being the most gracious of hosts, what with keeping me hostage here! Now lemme go!" Inuyasha retaliated through clenched fangs, turning his head to the side a bit and trying to look at his accused jailer.

"I'm hardly keeping you here as a hostage," was the even more amused reply.

"You're keeping me against my will! That's the same thing!" was the hanyou's rebuttal.

"You are a guest here; a partner within my line of business. You are _expected_ to be courteous and willing to acquiesce to all of my... desires."

Some light inside of Inuyasha's head clicked on after hearing that remark. It reminded him way too much of what all of the people throughout his life had always told him; how he was _expected _to act, what he was _expected _to be like, to know his _fucking place_, all because he was of mixed blood; parented through a human and demon coupling.

Because of _this_ he was on 'thin ice' with the world. Or so he had been told countless times.

"Fuck you! I already have a partner!" Inuyasha yelled without thinking (as he was often apt to do), something he found, the second he felt a body push itself way past his personal bubble barrier, was probably the wrong thing to say. Especially to the demon behind him.

"_Indeed_," was the only word said, emphasized with, not only a highly irritated hiss but also a physical press of body, which effectively pushed Inuyasha further into the door.

The hanyou could feel the anger in that statement rolling off of the demon in thick waves. But that wasn't what had his immediate attention. No, the warm, _hard_ something pressing into his lower back _was_. Not to mention the potent smell of fierce arousal, which heavily clung to the air around them.

"I will focus your mind solely on the task at hand," came another hiss from Inuyasha's captor, emphasized with a distinctive and reprimanding nip to one of the hanyou's already battered ears.

Inuyasha bit his lip at the oddly gratifying sensation Sesshomaru's constant attention to his ears gave him. He had always known that his ears were sensitive but this unexpected assault took it to a whole new level.

And that's when he felt a clever and self-assured hand slide around his form from behind, effectively cutting off any possible hopes he had had of making a hasty escape to the left. The hand in question was taking its sweet time, what with massaging Inuyasha's narrow hip through his slacks before slowly spider fingering its way across the hem of the hanyou's pants, tugging here and pushing there to see how form fitting the trousers really were on the shorter male.

"What the hell are you doing!" Inuyasha voiced, though he already had a pretty good idea of _what_ it was Sesshomaru was doing... the question he wanted the answer to was _why_. And to _him_ of all people!

But all thought stopped there as that same hand tugged at the zipper of his pants, sliding it down the teeth that kept him safely hidden inside. And then those sinfully tantalizing fingers easily popped the top button out of place and Inuyasha found a surprisingly warm hand splaying just above the place he ached.

A flick of elegant digits and those long fingers softly trailed down Inuyasha's penis, memorizing the texture and measurements of the hanyou's, more than likely, prized possession, before his hand encircled the thick appendage, not letting either of them take pleasure in him jacking the younger one off just yet.

And, oh, how Sesshomaru was going to enjoy every second of it.

There was a sharp intake of breath from the one who was being _forced _(because Inuyasha refused to believe that he _wanted_) to enjoy this.

Fingers gripped more firmly on Inuyasha's shaft, starting off with just innocent and playful tugging as the demon slowly felt the hanyou's resolve and defiance abandoning his mind and body.

Sesshomaru gave a toothy grin at his victory. However that small winning fled from his mind as his smirk quickly vanished and turned into a gulp of anticipation; his senses heightening in arousal as the young inu grunted, slamming his right fist into the door, his body heaving forward even more.

He started sliding his fingers up and down Inuyasha's erection, pacing his strokes with the beat of his own heart rate. The noises the little one made were so intoxicating that Sesshomaru couldn't help but push his own aching arousal into the hanyou's backside, rubbing against a taut ass which he wanted to thoroughly enjoy.

"Inuyasha..." Sesshomaru breathed, inhaling the aroma that emitted from behind the hanyou's ears, still palming the thick penis in his hand which was now slick with precum.

Something was tugging at Inuyasha's mind, urging him to rise from haziness.

"Inuyasha..." came that husky voice again. Inuyasha would have said the tone was laced with arousal but he'd be wrong. It was fucking dripping in it!

And that's when his mind was brought to full awareness as a hot, hard _something_ pressed into the nook of his ass and the sexual tone Sesshomaru had just used processed in his mind.

"_Shit..._" Inuyasha whined in obvious arousal. What the hell was wrong with him? Why had he succumbed to his baser urges? Alright, that really wasn't a surprise there. He was a guy after all. But still!

"Don't-!" Inuyasha protested weakly. However, regardless of how weak the words were, they still seemed to get on the youkai's last nerve.

"You will submit to me, half-breed," Sesshomaru said between clenched fangs. His voice was husky with, not only lust, but also anger at being defied by a seemingly impudent creature.

A hiss, almost beyond fury, sounded in Inuyasha's sensitive ears, causing said appendages to flick backwards in a defiant yet submissive movement. Fingers grabbed and tightened along his jaw, which inevitably forced Inuyasha to part his lips.

The hanyou almost whimpered at the pain that pressure caused.

"What's wrong, Inuyasha? Don't you trust me?" Sesshomaru said evilly, grinning at yet another triumph. When the hanyou didn't budge but only seemed to go slack against him, the demon slipped two of his right hand's digits into the younger inu's mouth. "Suck them," he commanded, his left hand still lightly holding Inuyasha's penis, thumb absently stroking across the warm pillar of flesh.

Answering Sesshomaru's question of trust, Inuyasha bit the fingers that were forced into his mouth.

Sesshomaru hissed but didn't withdraw the intruding digits, but instead pushed Inuyasha harder into the door, knocking it against its hinges and squeezing the cock in his hand in reprimand.

"Ah!" the hanyou whined, pain lacing his noises.

The demon lowered his mouth near Inuyasha's ear, whispering, "I don't think you've met my poisonous claws."

Inuyasha had little time to process that sentence before he felt a thickness enter his bloodstream through his mouth. The poison stung the back of his tongue and the roof of his mouth as it slid down his throat and absorbed into his inner tissue, eventually running into his bloodstream, causing all of his limbs to go slightly numb.

He would have figured that Sesshomaru would have completely handicapped him, that he would have used a full dosage of whatever the hell his poison was so that he couldn't move a muscle, but the fact was he could still move even if it was albeit sluggishly.

He noticed a moment later that the body behind him was gone, the hand on his cock having vanished.

"What?" Inuyasha started off, turning around... only to find that Sesshomaru was only about five feet away from him, his lip curling in clear amusement, lust clearly visible in his features (meaning in his glowing eyes and the impressive bulge in his pants), not to mention the guy reeked of thick arousal. "What the hell do you thi-"

Inuyasha's sentence was cut off as the room tilted sharply, forcing him to once again use the door as a support. He felt drunk, unsteady, and for some reason his eyes no longer wanted to work properly. Forcing his head up (which was feeling rather heavy at the moment), the hanyou did his best to glare at the demon before him, to give him a piece of his mind on how it was _rude_ to leave one's pants open without finishing them off first, when his eyes widened in surprise.

There were _two_ Sesshomarus! Damn it, one was bad enough, but two? And why were they moving in circles like that? It was making it hard for him to glare properly.

For reasons unknown to him, Inuyasha found his brain suddenly wondering what it would be like to have a threesome with a pair of twins…

"I have given you a concentrated amount of poison, Inuyasha. As you probably already know, you can move about, though only about as fast as an inebriated mortal can. Not only that but I imagine you're feeling somewhat drunk yourself now, your body giving into what your mind does not want you to have," the Prick from Hell spewed as if it were his greatest achievement in life; having handicapped a potential rape victim.

"You... bastard... I won't give in... I told ya... before... I don't do... rich... _snobs_," Inuyasha said as his legs took each step slowly towards his body's desire. A second later he was against an impossibly strong chest, unwillingly (at least the conscious part of his mind thought it was unwillingly) nuzzling and sniffing the male before him.

He smelled absolutely ravishing. Er…not that he was purposely burying his nose into the place which the scent was strongest... or anything.

"You shouldn't lie," Sesshomaru said, smirking as he allowed the hanyou to bask in his scent, eyes closing in surreal rapture. He had never felt such erotic pleasure at such simple touches before.

"'m not lyin'," came a mumbled response.

Sesshomaru smirked, licking his lips as he said, "I can smell your sex, Inuyasha."

"So?" came a grumble. And then, as if in some sort of retaliation, he said, "I can smell yours, too. Fuuuck... I can even _feel_ it," Inuyasha mumbled heatedly, rubbing up against Sesshomaru for emphasis on his last statement.

The half-demon was horrified at what he was doing, what fell from his mouth notwithstanding. But his body didn't seem to mind at all. And maybe a little part of him was growing to enjoy it as well...

However, his mind started taking more control when he felt the demon blood inside of him attacking the poison in his body, becoming immune to it.

And that's when Inuyasha flexed a clawed hand and laid it across Sesshomaru's face.

The surprise was evident in the demon's eyes. Albeit for a second or two, but that was it, because Inuyasha found himself being hurtled across the room and into Sesshomaru's desk, his face smashing into the top of it.

Before he could right himself and turn around to face the angered youkai, Inuyasha was pinned harshly against the desk, a low growling in his ear and a punishing body behind him.

"You _will_ submit!" the demon yelled out angrily. This was probably the most emotional Inuyasha had ever seen the other get. At least, it was for the whole second and a half it lasted. He seemed to be once again in control and back to his old, cocky self the next moment and full of wondrous observations, too. "Heh. I suppose, though, that I should have expected you to become immune to my poison. You are, after all, the most stubborn being that I have ever dealt with. I will just have to give you a stronger, more lethal dosage."

Inuyasha renewed his struggling, refusing to open his mouth. Though a quick squeeze to his cock remedied that situation and fingers were back in his mouth, poison leaking down his throat again and retaliating against his immune system in turn.

"That amount will keep your demon blood busy for a while. Not even you can overcome that in less than a few hours, and until then..." Sesshomaru trailed off as his fingers started stroking Inuyasha into full hardness again and enjoying the fact that Inuyasha had already given into his poison and was sucking his fingers like a newborn pup.

"Yes," Sesshomaru hissed in pleasure, enjoying every second of that tongue, those lips sucking him. For now, practice would do. He'd wait until another time to have the hanyou on his knees before him.

Inuyasha felt hot. He felt weak. He felt good. Holy _fuck_ did he feel good. His knees…crap, where were his knees? Why weren't they there to support him?

The hanyou let out a whimper as the fingers were withdrawn from his mouth and a strong arm was wrapped around his waist as his legs decided to stop doing their job as well. Oooh, forget his ears, his balls enjoyed the attention much more. But then his penis…yes, like that…his…

A gasp was sharply sounded as the juncture between neck and shoulder was bitten and sucked, and suddenly Inuyasha was there, on the edge. He wanted it, needed it, _craved_ for it. He reached an arm around, gripping the head next to his own and pushing it further into his neck, seeking as much pleasure as he could in his last few moments.

Instead of complying to the demand, the head pulled back, causing Inuyasha to let out a groan of protest and look over to see why. The answer came in the form of a pair of lips being pressed against his own in a passionate kiss that turned into a tongue thrusting repeatedly inside his mouth, keeping in time with the quick strokes of the hand wrapped around his shaft.

All around him, the world was gone except for the intense pressure in his gut that was fighting to explode. Inuyasha gave up on the kiss, wrenching his mouth away so that his cries could be heard as every muscle in his body drew taut, euphoria shooting through him as if this high would never end…if only…he could evade…the darkness…

Struggling to remain conscious, the half demon was vaguely aware of someone moving around him, carrying him, gently putting him down, and a voice that followed a soft click before he lost his battle with sleep…

"Meet me in Board Room 4."

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

Inuyasha came to with a start, and was immediately aware of two things. One, someone had tried to give him water while he was sleeping (because he most certainly did _not_ drool!), and two, he was not in his bedroom…or at his father's…or Kouga's… He was in fact, sitting in a chair, before a gigantic desk...

Looking around, the detective was startled to see that he was not alone. Huddled near the door and clutching a broom and a waste basket were two maids, looking far more shocked than he felt.

Scowling as the wide eyed staring contest went on, Inuyasha finally snapped, "What the hell are _you_ looking at?" which effectively chased the two ladies out of the room, and caused them to slam the door behind them.

…The door. Holy hell, _that_ door! Inuyasha would recognize that thing anywhere! After all, he was molested against it like some pathetic little school boy being groped on the subway! He was at Sesshomaru's office! And Sesshomaru's office smelled of Inuyasha! And that meant-!

Inuyasha wheeled away from the desk he had been laying against and abruptly stood, slamming himself back against the windows behind him. Eyes darting around, Inuyasha didn't dare move until he was sure he was alone before darting out of the office and making a mad dash for the stairs.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

Down on floor 39, Sesshomaru raised a brow in hidden amusement as the loud clanging of footsteps echoed through the otherwise empty building, welcoming the distraction from Kagura's annoyed huffs as she gathered up her clothes and stormed out of the board room.

Once the wind sorceress was gone, the stoic demon returned his attention again to the city lights below, silently cursing the one who was the source of the noise.

_Damn you, Inuyasha. You have ruined me for others._

**

* * *

Next time on INUYASHA, P.I. Case 8: Shorui Archives**  
_My bike is gone! GONE! So what if it was damaged! It was MY bike! I bet that Sesshomaru-bastard stole it! I don't know what the hell he would want with it, but I've taken to stalking – I mean trailing – him to find out. Which would be a lot easier if I could find him in the first place. Don't look at me like that! My world most certainly does _not_ revolve around him! I'm making progress on my case as well, see? Because Inuyasha Takahashi is not a slacker – Ooh! He sent me a text message…Damn. Looks like I'll be bumming a ride from Kouga in order to meet up with him. Next time, on InuYasha, P.I., things heat up as two of the most stubborn, horny, we're-the-alphas-in-your-life jackasses meet up and decide to have a penis war with me in the middle!

* * *

_

**Blooper Reel:**

"Fuck you! I already have a partner!" Inuyasha yelled without thinking (as he was often apt to do), something he found, the second he felt a body push itself way past his personal bubble barrier, was probably the wrong thing to say. Especially to the demon behind him.

"_Indeed_," was the only word said, emphasized with, not only a highly irritated hiss, but also a physical press of body, which effectively pushed Inuyasha further into the door.

"Ow!" Inuyasha cried out, sinking down to the floor much to the confusion of Sesshomaru. "My balls!"

The full-blooded demon blinked before realizing the hanyou's hips must have been positioned right over the doorknob just moments before. Oops.

"Inuyasha, are you alright?" the director asked, rushing forward. "Should I get a doctor?"

"A doctor?" Inuyasha repeated in confusion, concentrating more on his hands as they attempted to block away the pain between his legs.

"Yeah, to examine you and make sure there's no damage."

But-! That would consist of another person actually _examining_ his…balls! "No thanks," he declined. "I'm good. Just…give me a minute."

"Okay. Everyone get ready for Take Two!"

"I said give me a minute!" Inuyasha shouted, wincing. "…or five…"

**Doodle-eh-doo!**

Inuyasha's sentence was cut off as the room tilted sharply, forcing him to once again use the door as a support. He felt drunk, unsteady, and for some reason his eyes no longer wanted to work properly. Forcing his head up (which was feeling rather heavy at the moment), the hanyou did his best to glare at the demon before him, to give him a piece of his mind on how it was _rude_ to leave one's pants open without finishing them off first, when his eyes widened in surprise.

There were _two_ Sesshomarus! Damn it, one was bad enough, but two? And why were they moving in circles like that? It was making it hard for him to glare properly.

For reasons unknown to him, Inuyasha found his brain suddenly wondering what it would be like to have a threesome with a pair of twins…

Ooh, that'd be hot. And the sex would be amazing, no doubt with _twice_ the number of people trying to bring him to ecstasy.

A dopey grin formed at the thought, his mind running through all the possible positions and how many ways twins could make one orgasm.

Sesshomaru frowned and the sudden (albeit moronic) look of happiness on Inuyasha's face as he looked down at his claws. Hmm, perhaps the dosage he used was a little _too_ concentrated…


	8. Case File 08: The Shorui Archives

**Case 8: ****The Shorui Archives**

Inuyasha had taken to staking out the Hi-Nezuni Tower. Why? Because exactly one week ago, when he had run down all fifty flights of stairs like a bat outta hell (for reasons that have been forbidden from being mentioned), he had burst through the side door and ran around to the front of the building only to find his single form of transportation... his beloved bike... the only male in his life that he would ever admit to loving a little more than he should...was...

...gone.

Yes, that's right. GONE. Not there. Disappeared. Vanished. Fucking _Houdini'd_!

It took a good ten minutes for the absence of Tetsusaiga to register in the hanyou's mind, and when it did, he turned to storm right back into the building, ready for some massive bloodshed to be had (none of it being his). Problem was, the hour was late and the place was locked up as tight as a nun's starchy uniform.

What had happened to his bike? Had it been illegally parked? Was it towed?

Inuyasha had called up every towing company in the greater Edopolis area and not a single one recognized the description of the bike. Nor did any of the car yards.

So what was the natural conclusion for the young P.I. to arrive at? That Sesshomaru, the A-class asshole, STOLE it! Yeah, that's right, STOLE! As in took something that didn't belong to him! As in being sneaky and trying to avert the hanyou's attention away from his bike of Swiss cheese to... other activities that he refused to acknowledge at the moment!

And that wasn't the only thing that confused the hell out of the half-breed! Nooo. The one question that kept popping up in the white-haired bishie's mind was WHAT would Sesshomaru want with Tetsusaiga? What could possibly be so great about a bike - other than that it was Inuyasha's baby - that was riddled with bullets, scratched beyond recognition (okay, he was over dramatizing this a bit), and mangled to the point of no return? Inuyasha just didn't get it. However, regardless of this very _minor_ detail, he was utterly positive on one thing; Sesshomaru had taken his bike hostage.

Naturally, the only logical thing to do at this point was to track Sesshomaru down, storm whatever building the nancy demon was in and give him as good as Inuyasha got (not like that!). It should have been an easy task, considering how the bastard always seemed to intrude on Inuyasha's life (shut up, he was totally intruding!), but it wasn't. It was as if the demon had fallen off the face of the earth and had never even existed in the first place.

All the places Inuyasha had access to before – The Bone Eater's Well, The Miasma, Hi-Nezuni Tower – would now not even allow him set foot inside their establishments, even after he mentioned Sesshomaru's name. Demon criminals on the street would clam up when asked about the powerful youkai, not caring that their life was being threatened. It was infuriating. Just who was Sesshomaru T. Musashi to be able to keep even the lowest of lowlifes loyal to him?

So this was why he had taken to staking out the front entrance of Hi-Nezuni, determined to _wait_ until Sesshomaru decided to show up to work so he could grill his ass for answers. However, the greaseball of a receptionist found this to be extremely unnerving, and after many failed attempts with sending out the attack dogs (Inuyasha trained them how to stand on two legs, shake, and play dead so far) the man finally had two gorilla-looking thugs physically remove Inuyasha from the block and toss him unceremoniously in a dumpster in some back alley. When the hanyou tried to go back, he found that the thugs had taken to guarding the front doors, fully ready to carry him back to his accommodated dumpster.

So now he was back to square one.

Unable to get his answers through good old fashioned detective work, Inuyasha was forced to turn to the alternative he often avoided at all costs: Research.

He didn't dare snoop through his father's files on this one; not when he was so closely linked to his prey. This left him with using the police archives. Ugh. The information there was organized in such a way that it could put even his old man to sleep.

But Inuyasha was desperate (because he wanted his bike back, that is. Not because he actually wanted to _find_ that Sesshomaru bastard), so to the police archives he went, determined to dig up whatever dirt he could.

Setting himself in front of the computer, steaming mug of coffee in one hand, Inuyasha pulled up the appropriate program and typed in 'Sesshomaru Musashi', selected the 'exact matches only' box, and hit enter.

"No matches found!" Inuyasha shouted as the screen displayed its lack of results. "You fucking, crappy-ass system! Give me my results, damn it!"

And so, Inuyasha tried again. This time with just the family name. Musashi.

Ten pages of results. Okay, time to narrow it down. S. Musashi.

Two pages of results. And not a single one was the man he wanted. Fucking police archives.

Deciding to go out on a limb, Inuyasha typed in 'Sesshomaru'. Nothing more.

One result popped up.

Blinking in confusion (and surprised beyond belief that such a move actually worked), the detective clicked the link.

'DECEASED.'

That was it. No more information was provided. Not even a family history, let alone an address or description to let him know if this was the same Sesshomaru he was after.

"Great. Fucking great. My penis was violated by a fucking ghost," Inuyasha grumbled, a large vein popping up on his forehead.

"What was violated by a ghost?" someone asked over the hanyou's shoulder.

Inuyasha nearly leapt out of his skin at the cool voice, jumping up and whirling around to use his body to cover the screen, nearly knocking the monitor over as a result, hot coffee all but forgotten as it splashed onto the floor.

"Uncle! What the hell – I mean – what are you doing here…sir?"

Naraku raised a brow at his nephew's spastic behavior. "Do I not have a right to be down here?"

"N-no…it's just…wouldn't you have had your subordinates come down to the archives to do the nitty-gritty research?" Inuyasha asked, attempting a smile.

"You know perfectly well that I live by the rule 'If you want something done right, you must do it yourself.'" Dark eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You aren't using the system to cross-reference known street hookers and pornography actors again, are you?"

"What?!? NO!" the half-demon cried out in disgust. "Why does everyone think that was me? It was Kouga! I swear!"

A deadpanned stare.

"It's the truth! He did the search using my logon!"

Naraku sighed, deciding it best to simply drop it. "Then what are you doing here? I'm fairly certain the file I gave you contained all the police's knowledge on the Shikon no Tama."

Aw, crap. The jewel. Right. Needless to say, Inuyasha had completely forgotten about it in his quest to hunt down a certain someone. A fact made obvious by his nervous fidgeting.

"Inuyasha, what exactly are you looking up?" Naraku asked wearily, eyes attempting to peer around the demon's body.

"Nothing! Nothing," Inuyasha said as he reached further behind himself to pull random cords out of the monitor's back panel, hoping one of them would cut the feed. He wasn't sure why, but he didn't want anyone knowing about Sesshomaru and him, other than Sesshomaru and him.

"Being a detective of your caliber and background, I'm sure I don't need to remind you of the importance of this case."

Inuyasha's normally perked ears lowered at the reprimand. "No, Uncle, I haven't forgotten. It's just…my bike isn't in the greatest of shape right now, so I guess I've been a little distracted."

Well, if _that_ wasn't the biggest glossed-over truth of the century…

"I see. Your 'Tetsusaiga.' What a pity," Naraku said, not sounding sorry at all. But he accepted the poor excuse nonetheless, knowing of his nephew's deep attachment to the pathetic contraption. "Regardless, I need you to get your head back in the game. It would be a shame if I had to reassign the case to someone more capable because you are too choked up over an inanimate object to continue your investigation."

"I understand, Uncle," Inuyasha said softly.

"Good. I want a full report on your progress before the week is over." Naraku waited until he heard the, "Yes, sir," before tossing a bag of some evidence into a nearby box and taking his leave.

Once the Commissioner was gone, Inuyasha sighed and turned around to switch the computer off, only to find the monitor already blank, with thin tendrils of smoke rising from its back.

Oops.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! **

As he trudged up the steps leading out of the underground subway system and into the bright afternoon light, Inuyasha decided that he had had enough of Edopolis' public transportation this past week to last him a lifetime. It wasn't that he considered himself to be part of the social elite whom sneered down on public services such as transportation. It was just that he had never used it before and found the overcrowded subway cars and buses, as well as the overpriced taxis, to be rather exhausting.

That and they smelled funny.

If only he had his bike...

The hanyou still had yet to tell anyone of the loss of his precious Tetsusaiga. Mainly out of the fear of how his father would react and all the questions Kouga was sure to ask. Not to mention the mothering he would have to endure from Kagome.

But his uncle had been right; Inuyasha could not put his entire life on hold for some inanimate object, let alone the bastard who probably took it in the first place.

The bastard whom he had been having wet dreams about ever since _that_ day, in which Inuyasha had once woken up from to find himself humping his mattress like a bitch in heat, only to find release two seconds later... And what a release it was, despite the fact that he was a guy, and Sesshomaru was a guy, and they were two guys getting it on in his dream…

But that was beside the point! The point was that Naraku was right and Inuyasha couldn't afford distractions when he was in the middle of an important case. A case that he needed to make some semblance of progress on before the week was out.

And so that was why he was now doing what he had told the Commissioner he would do way back on Day one, and standing in front of an old, dusty-looking shop, with a faded sign that had obviously seen better days.

The Shorui Archives was home to a flea demon known as Myouga. At first glance, it obviously wasn't much, but as the saying goes, looks can be very deceiving. Inuyasha knew that well as he pushed open the outer door and headed down the narrow steps that took him deep underneath the building.

Myouga was old, annoying, and a total coward to boot, but he was well known for his invaluable source of knowledge. He was definitely the one to go to when in search of anything that held a legendary status.

Giving the door a light knock before opening it to let himself in, Inuyasha grinned. If there was one thing he liked about coming to The Shorui Archives, it was the fact that it could rouse even _his_ sense of curiosity. Him! Someone that had such a strong aversion to books of any type that one might swear it was a disease; an 'I-can't-crack-open-a-book-or-I'll-DIE!' disease.

The first time he'd come here he was completely flabbergasted by how huge it really was. It was like a great big library, filled with stuff that was simply itching to be read – from books to scrolls so old that you had to wait until it was raining outside if you wished to open them without cracking the parchment. Categorized in such a way that not even the Dewey Decimal System could hold a light to, InuTaishou himself swore that the information kept here rivaled that of the Great Library of Alexandria itself. It was just that amazing! It was-

-a total and utterly chaotic mess... What the hell?

Stepping over a mass of paper and the remains of what looked to have once been a book's spine, Inuyasha looked about him in shock.

Nothing was on the floor-to-ceiling shelves. _Nothing_. Instead, all of the books and scrolls were scattered about in heaps and piles strewn about on random tables, chairs, an occasional one sticking to the ceiling, and the floor.

Narrowing his eyes, Inuyasha scanned his surroundings until he noticed a stack of papers and scrolls seemingly moving of its own accord.

"Hey!" he shouted, receiving a startled yell in reply as the stack gave a great shudder before tumbling down to the ground, revealing a man with black hair that was tied back in a short ponytail, a purple sweater and black pants. "Miroku!" Inuyasha greeted, moving forward. "What the hell happened here? Where's Myouga?"

Looking down at the mess scattered at his feet, Miroku frowned. "Well, he was standing right in front of me... but it looks like he's left us; his soul having suddenly ascended to heaven – or wherever he'll be sent – thanks to a loud shout from-"

"You idiot, don't even joke about that," Inuyasha said, interrupting his old high school friend from his usual dramatics. "That geezer can't die until I've talked to him! This case is important."

"You're complete lack of sympathy never fails to astound me, Inuyasha," Miroku said, bending down to clean up the immediate mess in hopes of finding his flea demon of a mentor.

Knowing the task would probably take forever considering the old fart's size, the hanyou let out an impatient huff and crouched down to help.

A whole fifteen minutes later, the now two-dimensional demon was uncovered and laid out on Miroku's palm. Neither man knew how to give CPR to a creature only a few centimeters tall (nor were they keen on trying), so Inuyasha took to poking Myouga until he woke up; something they didn't truly think would work until Myouga attached himself on the inu's pointer finger and began drinking his blood.

"I knew you weren't dead," Inuyasha growled, flicking the miniature demon away with his thumb.

"Inuyasha," Myouga greeted, quickly recovering. "What a pleasant surprise, although, I must say, it is a pity that your father isn't accompanying you…"

"Why? So you could suck his blood, too, you little vampire?"

"Well, I won't deny that his blood does have the richest quality when it comes to taste, but there is also the matter of-"

"You damn leech," Inuyasha interrupted with a deadpanned glare. "Listen, I need you to tell me everything you can about the Shikon no Tama."

"The Jewel of Four Souls?" Miroku asked curiously. "Why would you want to know about that?"

"I'm not really at liberty to say," Inuyasha replied cockily, relishing in how good it felt to say those words and truly mean them for the first time ever.

"The Shikon no Tama," Myouga began, "also known as the Jewel of Four Sou-"

"I know that," Inuyasha interjected.

"It is a very powerful jewel that-"

"I know that, too."

"-that resembles a large pink pearl." Myouga cocked a brow, waiting for the interruption. When none came, he grumbled, "What, you didn't know that either?" before continuing. "It has the power to grant its holder one wish-"

"I know all this already!" the hanyou whined. "C'mon! Tell me something I _don't_ know! Like what other powers the jewel has or something."

With an indigent huff, Myouga crossed his arms stubbornly. "That, I cannot do."

"Why not?!"

"Because anything beyond the general knowledge was kept in a certain book. _Koto_-"

"So?" Inuyasha demanded. "Get me the book, then! I know this place is a mess, but-"

"We were robbed, Inuyasha," Miroku interrupted. "That's why the shelves are empty and everything is in disarray."

"What?!? When did that happen? I thought you guys were just rearranging everything, or maybe doing a little spring cleaning," Inuyasha exclaimed.

"As if I would ever let the Archives become _this_ chaotic! How rude!" Myouga grumbled, feeling completely insulted. "For your information, the place was broken into and the burglars left no shelf unturned! Oh, it'll take me _years_ to get everything back into its proper place!"

"Have you filed a report with the cops yet?" Inuyasha asked, his investigative training kicking in.

"No, not yet," Miroku answered. "We're still doing inventory on everything, trying to find out how much was stolen.

Inuyasha could have face vaulted at their stupidity. "You guys do realize that by _not_ calling the police right away and cleaning up the crime scene, you've pretty much obliterated any evidence, right?"

Miroku bonked Myouga's head, using only his knuckles. "That's what I told this little parasite here, but he-"

"Evidence? _Evidence_?!?" Myouga screeched. "I don't CARE about evidence! I care about the state this place is in! Couldn't the robbers have been a little more considerate when stealing my books?"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and pulled out his teeny tiny, handy dandy notebook; opening it to a fresh page, which coincidentally was about three pages in; he never really had any need for the damn thing until now. "Well, since I'm here, I might as well take notes to start on a report when I get back to the station."

"Ah, good idea! You're so smart, Inuyasha!" Miroku gushed. "If you had a sister, she would definitely be my first choice in whom I'd ask to have my babies."

"If I had a sister, I'd slap a restraining order on your ass and make sure she lived on the other side of the country."

"Now why would you do such a thing? I'm an honest, trustworthy guy."

Inuyasha snorted. "Yeah? Then perhaps you would like to be reminded of _why_ you received 1,648 slaps in the face from the female population throughout middle and high school?"

Miroku gasped. "You swore you never kept count!"

"There was a betting pool going on, I didn't really have a choice," Inuyasha replied, not a trace of remorse in his voice. "Now, when did the break in take place?"

"A little over a week ago. A Tuesday, if I'm not mistaken," Myouga answered.

Inuyasha's pen paused. "A week? You're joking, right?"

The blank stares he received told him they weren't.

"Do you seriously mean to tell me you guys have been cleaning all this time?" he asked skeptically. "If it's really been a week, why does this place still look like it was just robbed?"

"How dare you!" Myouga cried indignantly. "For your information, each pile represents a different category, as well as time period, and-!"

"Uh huh," Inuyasha interrupted boredly. "So, have you figured out if anything of importance has been stolen yet? A magic scroll? A treasure map?"

"So far? A book."

Inuyasha froze momentarily before clearing his throat. "A-a book?"

"Yes."

"Okay…uhm…Can you give me a description?"

"Well, the title is in some lost ancient language-"

"It's not a lost language! I know it perfectly well," Myouga interrupted, causing Miroku to frown.

"Well, it's completely lost on me, and it's not like the rest of the world will even recognize it as anything other than fancy scribbles anyway."

"Hmph!" Myouga sounded. "Ungrateful pupil!"

"Anyways, the cover is leather…really old…" Miroku continued. "Oh, and there was a symbol on the front. A crescent moon with a big sword. Er…or maybe it was a banana? Or perhaps a flower that had yet to bloom…"

Inuyasha just stared at Miroku was he tried giving the best description he could. Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. This was _not_ good.

"And…y-you're sure this book was actually stolen and it's not just missing somewhere in this mess?" Inuyasha asked nervously.

"Positive." Myouga noticed the young boy's reaction and began to grow nervous himself. Fidgeting a bit, he seemed to hesitate before asking, "You…wouldn't happen to _know_ of this book, would you?"

"Never heard of it," the hanyou denied, avoiding eye contact as he continued to scribble away in his notes.

Uncomfortable silence ensued as Inuyasha jotted random notes about the page, not really noticing after a while that he started to draw a stick figure that looked curiously enough like Sesshomaru with a knife stabbed into chest. Deep, deep, _deep_ into his chest.

"Inuyasha? Are you sure you-"

God, he could sure use a distraction right about no-

A vibration in his pants answered his prayers.

Pulling out his cell, the hanyou scowled as the caller ID displayed 'His Royal Bastardness.' Great. Just when he gives up on tracking him down, the ass decides to give him a call.

"Where the hell is my bike, you thief! I know it was you who took it, so don't you dare deny it!" And then, in afterthought, "And why doesn't your phone accept my calls? Have you been avoiding me?!?"

_"Meet me at Ekiedo Grand_ _at 6:30,"_ Sesshomaru ordered, ignoring everything Inuyasha had all but yelled in greeting.

"Eh?"

_"The train station, you fool," _came a snipped reply. Then as an afterthought, Sesshomaru added, _"Oh, and be sure to dress nice."_

"What?" Inuyasha was confused. "Why?"

_"I won't take no for an answer."_ And with that, the call was over.

The hanyou glared at the phone. Stupid, arrogant, pompous prick!

Inuyasha had half a mind to ignore the order until he remembered that he wanted his bike back. God damn it!

"I'll have to come back and finish this investigation later after you guys have had a bit more time to clean up and figure out if anything else is missing," Inuyasha said as he tucked his phone back into his pocket.

Since he was stuck with the public transportation system, he would have to leave now if he hoped to make it to Ekiedo Grand in time…

"_'...and be sure to dress nice...'_" Inuyasha mimicked in a rather pathetic imitation. "Fucking ass, I'll dress nice alright."

* * *

**Next time on INUYASHA, P.I. Case 9: Ekiedo Grand  
**_You know what, I've decided Sesshomaru isn't the world's most annoying prick. Nope. That title now belongs to Kouga. That wolf-bastard doesn't know when to shut up! And if that wasn't bad enough, he doesn't know HOW to shut up when His Royal Bastardness is standing right in front of him! It's like a pissing contest with those two, and I'm the one being pissed on! How unfair is that? The only thing keeping the heat from rising is the hope that when this is over, I'll have my bike back. Oh Tetsusaiga, my love…I miss you…

* * *

_

**Blooper Reel:**

When the hanyou tried to go back, he found that the thugs had taken to guarding the front doors, fully ready to carry him back to his accommodated dumpster each and every time.

Really. The dumpster had become like a second home to him.

"CUT! Inuyasha, what the hell is that?"

Head popping up over the top of his homely little garbage house, Inuyasha innocently asked, "What?"

"Don't give me that!" the director argued. "WHY are there windows and a door on the dumpster?"

"Because I drew them there," the halfbreed explained simply, petting a rat as it popped up next to him in greeting.

"…You drew them there."

"Yeah!"

"…"

Rolling his eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, Inuyasha huffed. "Well, I figured if I'm supposed to keep coming back to this thing, I should make it a little nicer! I mean, it even says in the script that it's like my second home!"

"Director, if he continues to visit the dumpster and smell like that when my scene arrives, I refuse to invite him to my home," Sesshomaru stated disdainfully.

"What was that? You dickhead! I'll have you know I've loaded this thing with air fresheners!" Inuyasha defended furiously.

"Alright, fine. We'll only have him get dumped in there once. Cut out the other twenty-six times," the director ordered. "Everyone to their places for the next scene!"

**Doodle-eh-doo! **

"Inuyasha, what exactly are you looking up?" Naraku asked wearily, eyes attempting to peer around the demon's body.

"Er…" Inuyasha turned to look at the screen, only to nearly die in shock at what he saw there.

What had previously been a boring screen with the large letters of 'DECEASED' splashed across it, was now….porn. And not just any porn, mind you, but porn of himself and Sesshomaru going at it like rabbits in heat.

Naraku merely raised a brow and titled his head to the side as his eyes stared at the sight. "Interesting…I wasn't aware such a position was possible."

It was then that Inuyasha's soul promptly left his body and he had to be carted back to his dressing room.

**Doodle-eh-doo! **

"Positive." Myouga noticed the young boy's reaction and began to grow nervous himself. Fidgeting a bit, he seemed to hesitate before asking, "You…wouldn't happen to _know_ of this book, would you?"

"Never heard of it," the hanyou denied, avoiding eye contact as he continued to scribble away in his notes.

God, he could sure use a distraction right about-

Out of nowhere, the song 'If You Were Gay' by Avenue Q started playing. Confused, Inuyasha looked down at his pants, where the sound seemed to be coming from.

Reaching into his pocket, the inu pulled out his cell phone and the tune increased in volume, no longer inhibited by its cloth confines.

"What the hell? Who changed my ringtone!"

Muffled laughter could be heard offstage.

"Kouga! You little shit! What the hell are you trying to pull?"

Kouga stepped out from behind a cameraman. "Look, I know you always deny it, but I downloaded that song for you just so you know that if you ever do decide to come out, I'll be okay with it."

"WHAT?!?"

"Yeah, yeah, me too!" InuTaishou added supportively as he appeared out of nowhere.

"I AM NOT GAY!!"

"Oi…CUT!"

**Doodle-eh-doo! **

_"Oh, and be sure to dress nice."_

"What?" Inuyasha was confused. "Why?"

_"I won't take no for an answer."_ And with that, the call was over.

Stupid, arrogant, pompous, prick!

Inuyasha's hand dove into his coat's pocket and pulled out his Stress Buddy©. He then began to pump the yellow little squeeze toy, causing the red eyes and tongue to methodically pop out with each grip of the claws.

Fucking Sesshomaru! Inuyasha vocally snarled, the periodic squeaks coming from his fist increasing in temp. Where the hell did that cock sucker get off on interfering with the half-breed's life? The squeaking was now constant. To think that bastard had the balls to believe that Inuyasha existed simply to be summoned at his every beck and call-!!

A small pop sounded, causing the hanyou to pause. Blinking in confusion, he looked over to see that his little Stress Buddy © was now deflated, unable to handle the sheer amount of frustration Inuyasha harbored towards Sesshomaru.

"Dammit, Inuyasha!" the director yelled. "That's the fifteenth one you've busted just in this scene alone! That's it! We're taking out the Stress Buddy©! CUT!"


	9. Case File 09: Ekiedo Grand

**Case 9: Ekiedo Grand **

Kouga had been dozing off in front of his TV, snuggled with a big bag of potato chips that had been securely tucked under his arm and a tall bottle of beer resting at the foot of the couch when a loud pounding at his door startled him awake, nearly giving him a heart attack in the process.

Needless to say, the chips went flying in all different directions while the arms and legs of the ookami did something similar as he crashed face first in his rather ungraceful decent into the floor.

The bottle of beer, feeling slightly left out at this point, decided to defy the laws of physics and gravity and tipped itself over on its own, joining in on the mess.

The insistent knocking continued as the grumbling demon picked himself up off the floor, casting a sorrowful look at the torn and mutilated bag of potato chips that were now strewn across his Persian rug.

More knocking.

An evil glare aimed itself at the door.

Fucking solicitors. Who the hell did they think they were, trying to break down his door at the ungodly hour of – Kouga stared blearily at the microwave's digital display back in the kitchen. 88:88? Damn, he still needed to reset that from the blackout a few months back. He glanced around for another clock. Ah. – At the ungodly hour of 5:06pm?

Maybe if he was quiet enough they'd go away? Hmm. Trying this course of action the demon attempted to maneuver his way around the ruined snackage and back on to the comfortable cushions of the couch, fully prepared to just ignore the noise and go back to sleep for another hour or so.However, his attempt was futile from the get go.

More knocking sounded, followed by a bit of colorful cursing and kicking of the door.

Who the hell did this person think they were abusing his door like tha-!?

"Kouga! You bastard, I know you're there! I can smell your beer and chips!"

Ah, Inuyasha. Who else?

With a sigh of defeat, Kouga sluggishly danced over his beloved chips and to unlock the door, fully prepared to fix the half breed with a deadpanned glare, only to find a plastic bag shoved in his face instead. Which looked a little green if he squinted really, really hard...and was that...mold?

What the hell?

"Here ya go, wolf shit. I need to borrow a new suit and you gotta give me a ride. I already showered back at my place, so I'll be ready in a few," Inuyasha greeted as he hurried into the luxurious suite and disappeared down the hall on his way to the master bedroom without so much as a passing glance.

Confused out of his only partially-conscious mind, Kouga raised a hand to wave at his partner as he stalked off before turning his attention back to the plastic bag he was still holding.

"What..._is_ this?" he muttered, fully expecting an answer to be shouted back at him.

When none came, the ookami took matters into his own hands and began to undo the triple…quadra…septa-knot? Geez, just how many times did that stupid dog need to tie a bag closed?

Grumbling, Kouga tried to peer through the translucent material to see what was inside, but all he could make out was that whatever was in there was dark in color and slightly damp if the moist, collecting precipitation inside was anything to go by.

Ripping the bag open, the demon promptly passed out as a smell foul enough to wake the dead assaulted his nose.

Coming to a full two seconds later, Kouga rushed to the kitchen where he dumped the bag's contents into the sink. Gagging as the smell became ten times more potent outside the confines of it's case, he quickly covered his nose with his sleeve and turned the water on in hopes of drowning away some of the odor.

Shit! Just what in the seventh circle of hell did that dog shit bring him?

Squinting at the now-soaking wet cloth material, Kouga tried to figure out just what exactly it was that he was looking at without getting too close. So he opted for poking the thing with a spatula.

Moving the end of the cloth to one side, Kouga caught a glimmer of something that resembled the tag of an expensive ensemble...

…Holy fucking Mother of Jesus-fucking-Christ Himself. Please, please, _please_, do _not_ let that be what he thought it was.

Another flip and there it was, in all it's ungodly, hellish glory.

The splash of red. The telltale signature tag.

Oh God. It was.

"_INUYASHA!_" Kouga all but roared, to which he simply received a muffled "Yeah, what?" in reply. "WHAT THE FUCKING _HELL_ DID YOU DO TO MY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLAR SUIT?!"

"I returned it! What's it look like, dumb ass?"

"You returned it? _You returned it?!_ You fucking RUINED it, you fucking _shithead_!" Kouga was beside himself with fury as he hurriedly turned the tap off in a pathetic attempt to save what he could of his 'chemical dry clean only' suit before storming over to the bedroom. "Why the hell does it smell like death, decay, and rotting fish?!"

"Oh, that," Inuyasha replied, in the middle of trying on his seventh shirt. "Well, I meant to return it to you right away, so I put it in my old gym bag to give to you. But then I kept forgetting to bring it with me to the office, and after a while, the smell started to seep outta the bag. So I took the suit outta there and put it in the plastic bag. And just like that, the smell went away!"

Here, the hanyou paused in the midst of taking off shirt number seven as he felt an ominous, black aura surrounding his own carefree one.Fuzzy ears twitched, and one look in the wolf's direction had him thinking he'd be better off hiding in the closest, hurrying his little clothing rental along.

Kouga snarled as his claws twitched with the need to rip something to shreds. Of course the smell went away! It was sealed in an airtight plastic bag, where it could grow and fester for days on end! Housing tiny homes of mold people... who reproduced in their little mold houses!!

"Inuyasha." A deep breath was taken in an attempt to calm his rumbling temper. "This gym bag you said you put the suit in... It wouldn't happen to be the _same_ gym bag you used throughout middle and high school to store your P.E. sneakers in, both of which were never washed during those six years, nor in the time after, would it?"

Inuyasha snorted. "Do you know of any other gym bags I might own?"

A vein popped as the ookami's eyebrow twitched.

Okay, so that explained the death and decay, but what about the rotting fish?

"Oh, and for the record, the suit smelled before I put it in the bag. I think it's from when I was staking out the Dokkasu Port for a few hours. That's also why it's a little damp."

The Dokkas-!! Fucking hell, how could he have forgotten!! How could he have overlooked that very LARGE detail that when he'd saved that little shit's ass - that he had been wearing his 5k suit!!Holy fuck!That port was known for violating just about every health, safety, and sanitary code in existence!

"You idiot!" Kouga exploded, taking out his own stupidity on his partner. "You fucking moron! Just how brain dead do you have to be to wear a _borrowed_ five-fucking-thousand dollar suit to a stakeout in the dirtiest slum of the city?!"

Inuyasha walked back out of the closet with shirt number twelve (or maybe it was fifteen) and rolled his eyes. "It's not like I had the time to run home and change, wise ass. It happened the same night I borrowed the thing in the first place," he explained while eyeing himself in the full length mirror before nodding in approval.

Dark gray, body tight sweaters weren't his usual thing, but if they made him look this good, then he'd gladly make an exception. Besides, the fabric was soft and warm, so it felt like he was being hugged by a blanket (or the warm embrace of a lover, Inuyasha's subconscious added).

"That's IT! That was my favorite suit!" Kouga cried, pissed beyond reason. "I am calling in _every_ damn debt you've ever owed me! Including all those times I bought you lunch of my own free will! AND for all the times-!"

Inuyasha stopped listening in favor of slipping on a pair of nice loafers. Not as comfortable as his grungy old pair, but with shoes like these, he felt like he could take on the world. Man, these shoes were the perfect touch! Now he knew what Kagome was talking about when she was trying to explain to him why girls liked buying so many shoes.

Although, he _was_ still mad at her for whatever reason, but he had calmed down enough so that he no longer wished for her to be hit by a dump truck. No, now he just wanted her to be hit by a taxi. Twice.

Exiting the bedroom with a borrowed jacket in hand, Inuyasha was pleased to note that Kouga followed him out, albeit he was still ranting and raving.

Taking no note of whatever Kouga was going on about, the hanyou grabbed his partner's car keys and patiently waited by the coat closet as Kouga slipped on a pair of shoes and jacket ("I mean, what, do you not believe in courteously dry cleaning someone's shit before you return it to them, you fuc-") before handing him his keys and leading the way out of the apartment and down to the parking garage.

Once there, Inuyasha led the way to parking space I69, where Kouga's second car – a red cool car – resided. Moving over to the passenger side door, the half demon rolled his eyes as the ranting went from the suit to his supposed lack of etiquette.

"Honestly, is it really so hard to politely knock and wait for an answer?" Kouga asked as he unlocked both doors so they both could climb in, before he backed out. "Or even ring the doorbell a few times! Hell, ring it a few hundred times even! Anything is better than me freaking out as you wake me up as if you've got the Naga yakuza chasing your tail!"

Inuyasha snorted. "Turn right when you hit the next light."

"Not only that, but you made me spill my barbeque flavored potato chips! All over my rug! My _Persian_ rug! Do you have any idea how hard that is to clean? That rug is a 1900s Persian Sultanabad rug! It cost me over three million yen!"

"You wanna take the freeway until you hit 3rd Street, then make a left."

"If I can't get those stains out and have to buy a new rug, you owe me three million yen," Kouga griped as he cut off a black SUV in order to make the turn that led to the on-ramp.

Inuyasha decided it best to go back to ignoring the stinking wolf in favor of getting himself focused.

Okay, when Sesshomaru shows up, he couldn't let himself lose his head like some over-excited puppy. This was about his bike – the jewel! The jewel! Fuck! This was about the jewel!

His mission was to get close to a powerful demon in a high position, gain his trust, and then weasel whatever information he could out of him about the ever-popular Shikon no Tama. (Yes, contrary to popular belief, Inuyasha _had_ read the file! Turned out the item was fairly well known among many a demon, and the ones higher up liked to keep tabs on celebrity items. Especially the powerful ones.)

But…

Had Inuyasha really struck gold on his first choice of whom to follow?

Miroku's description of the missing book was identical to the one Sesshomaru had him steal from that police transaction the week before. What the hell was going on? Was Sesshomaru after the jewel? Or did the book contain other information the demon was after, and this was all just a big coincidence?

But then…Was his uncle after the book as well, hence the police being involved in the transaction in the first place? Did he even know about the book being the one that contained information about the jewel in the first place?

No…he couldn't have. If he did, surely he would have told Inuyasha about the transaction beforehand, right?

Damn, this was getting confusing. Things were much simpler when he was worrying over his bike.

"Turn left here, right before the bridge turnoff."

"And another thing! _I_ got ticketed for the stunt _you_ pulled at the toll bridge the other week! And not just one ticket either, but two! TWO! _TWO_ tickets! And you know what else?" Kouga demanded, making the turn. "When I asked them if you got ticketed as well, do you know what they said? Well? Do ya?!"

Inuyasha sighed. "Why, yes. I do, actually. What with being a psychic and all-"

"They said, 'Due to the person on the bike being a mere blur on our cameras, we were unable to get a clear image of the license plate and regretfully, no citation was issued.'" Kouga cut in, obviously not caring for a real answer. "THAT'S what they said! Even after I went ahead and _gave_ them all the information on your damn bike…!"

Oh God! His bike! If he had been wrong, and Sesshomaru _wasn't_ the one who took it, Inuyasha didn't know what he would do.

Maybe cry.

Shut up! It was perfectly acceptable for a grown man to cry if the loss was great enough!

"You want to park in here," the hanyou stated, hoping this was the right parking lot. Not that it really mattered, since this wasn't his car…

Not that he even had _any_ form of personal transportation…

_God, I hate my life._

Stepping out and giving his limbs a full stretch, Inuyasha scowled as he heard a second car door open, signifying that Kouga planned on tagging along.

"You know, you can go now," Inuyasha said, feeling slightly chagrinned when he was ignored as the full demon continued to complain about who-knows-what. Geez, how long had the idiot been keeping all of this on his chest?

The half demon then attempted to sneak away from the car and mentally cursed as Kouga absentmindedly followed, his mouth still flapping on about nothing.

Sending his partner a dark glare, Inuyasha punched the elevator button that would take them up to the overpass that led to the front entrance of the train station.

"So, that would bring the total of what you owe me to a scrub down of my apartment, half your paycheck for the next ten years, about six months worth of meals served to me by you in an apron - in ONLY an apron - a paint jo-"

"Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever," Inuyasha interrupted as they got closer to the entrance, not really paying attention to his partner's demands. "Just go home already."

"Eh? Really?" Kouga blinked, genuinely surprised the mutt had given into his demands without a fight. He hadn't even gotten to the more risqué acts he had in mind as far as payment went...

"Yes. Now go away."

Kouga blinked again before his face split into a mischievous smirk. "Hell no, I won't go." He looked around. "Where the hell are we anyways?"

"_I_ am in front of the train station, waiting for someone. _You_ are going to head back to your car and go home," Inuyasha emphasized, fondling the cigarettes he had stuffed in his coat pocket earlier.

Damn, he needed a cigarette. Just _waiting_ for that asshole was stressful enough, but trying to get Kouga to leave BEFORE said asshole arrived was another story completely.

Kouga looked down at the car keys in his hand as if noticing them for the first time. Ah, so that would explain how he got here.

It took a few seconds of getting over the initial shock of that bit of information, but once he did he continued to trail after Inuyasha. "So, who are we waiting for?"

"_We_ are not waiting for anyone," Inuyasha snapped. "_You_ are going home!"

Kouga huffed and rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. Who are _you_ waiting for then?" he asked, making no move to leave, as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Inuyasha paused in his nervous pacing, trying to light the cigarette he'd just stuck in his mouth. "None of your goddamn business," he growled.

"Ooh, feisty!" the ookami's interest was now piqued. "Is it a lover? Some totally hot babe with boobies the size of-?"

The horrified look on Inuyasha's face quickly killed that idea.

"Okay, fine, not a lover," Kouga relented. "But it's at _least_ some totally hot babe with boob-"

"No!"

Kouga pouted. Well, if they weren't here waiting for some totally hot babe, then why was he still sticking around?

Oh, right. Because it annoyed the hell out of Inuyasha. Heh. This guy was too easy.

"Then it's a man," Kouga continued with his little guessing game, deciding to take the course of deductive reasoning.

However, he wasn't expecting his statement to cause Inuyasha to freeze up, blushing and sputtering, and looking beyond pissed at himself for doing so.

"Ha, so it _is_ a man!" Kouga's eyes widened in realization. "Don't tell me-! You-! This guy-! You're…" Kouga made a crude gesture that could have passed as two hands fucking like bunnies in the world of pretend sign language, "…with a _him?!_"

"GEH?!" was the only response Inuyasha was able to form.

"Inuyasha, you dog! So _that's_ why you want me gone so badly!" Kouga crowed triumphantly, smacking his partner on the back in congratulations causing the hanyou to stumble forward and at the same time choke on his own lack of oxygen. "I always knew you would bat for the other team someday! Man, if you had told me you had a lover, I woulda backed off _ages_ ago!"

"I-it's not like that!" Inuayasha cried at long last, his face so red it was nearly purple in his state of mortification, his long forgotten cigarette falling from his lips to the dirty ground below.

"Oh, come on, there's no need to be shy now that everything's out in the open!" Kouga grinned. "So tell me, have you guys done the spanky spanky, naughty naughty yet? How big is this guy's penis? Is it bigger than mine? Cuz, y'know, no matter what they say, size _does_ matter."

Inuyasha sputtered for a bit as Kouga started wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, the only coherent thing that came out in response was, "I've never even _seen_ his penis!" causing several bystanders to stop and stare with horrified expressions plastered across their faces.

The hanyou's ears lowered a bit as he looked sheepishly around at the crowd, only to have his eyes land on the last person he wanted to see at that very moment.

Piercing golden eyes stared right back at him, and the finely raised brow indicated that Sesshomaru had heard everything.

_Oh God, kill me now._

"Well, if you haven't seen his penis, you must have at least felt it in its cloth confines, right? _Right?_" Kouga continued, completely oblivious. "Please, at least tell me you've _thought_ about it, if not fantasized a bit."

The brow rose even higher as a smirk started to form on the normally stoic lips. "_Fantasized?_" Sesshomaru mouthed, obviously enjoying standing back and simply listening in.

"Kouga, stop talking. Stop talking _right now_," Inuyasha ordered, fighting the urge to simply run back home and hide under the covers for the rest of his crappy life.

"What? You mean you _haven't_?" A lecherous grin appeared. "Why? Have you been thinking of someone _else's_ penis instead? Perhaps one belonging to someone like m-?"

The sound of a throat being cleared stopped Kouga's question in its tracks. Turning around, the wolf stared blankly at the inu demon for a moment before recognition set in and his eyes narrowed.

"Inuyasha," Kouga said tersely. "Please don't tell me this is the guy we're waiting for."

"We?" Sesshomaru questioned. "I believe I only required Inuyasha's presence this evening."

Kouga whirled around to face his puppy-eared friend, thrusting an accusing finger backwards in the general direction of the new demon. "There's no way his penis is bigger than mine, you fucker! What the hell are you doing with this guy?!"

Sesshomaru scowled, all traces of humor suddenly vanishing from his face. "I must say, for someone who claims to have been strangers, you two seem awfully close, Mr. Mikuni."

Kouga frowned, taking a moment to recall how he claimed to not even know the hanyou back at the club. A dangerous smirk formed. "Yes, well, what can I say? After that night, he came crawling back for more. Pounding on my door, desperate to be let in. Strutting around like he owned the place…"

"_Kouga!_" Inuyasha hissed, unable to believe he just heard those words pass from his partner's lips.

"Is that so? Then perhaps you should take better care of him," Sesshomaru stated simply. "Because I've been receiving word that he's been doing all within his power to hunt _me_ down this past week."

"_What_?! You mean you _know_ about that?!"

"Feh. At least I know the only cock he's ever seen is mine," Kouga boasted.

Inuyasha's jaw dropped as he found himself unable to refute that statement, the image of a naked Kouga flashing through his mind from when he had walked in on the ookami back during his first year of high school when his idiot father had let Kouga rent out an extra room in their home a few years back.

The temperature around Sesshomaru seemed to drop several degrees at such a blatant statement.

"I wouldn't be so proud, ookami, seeing as how I plan on _rectifying_ that quite soon," Sesshomaru ground out, openly stating what his intentions were with the half breed, to which Inuyasha could only sputter.

"Yeah, but when all is said and done, it'll be _me_ he comes back to, regardless of whatever situation you may have him in." The confidence in which Kouga said this was so steadfast that even Sesshomaru believed it to be true, and it angered him to no end.

Just what _was_ the relationship between these two? If they really were lovers, then Inuyasha would naturally be more discreet when it came to the mangy wolf, but then they seemed far more than friends.

"Will you two stop talking about me like I'm not even here!" Inuyasha finally snapped, stepping between the two alphas and their little pissing contest. "Sesshomaru, we're leaving. Kouga," Inuyasha turned to look back as he forcibly pushed the other inu towards a black car that seemed to be waiting for them, "go home!"

As he was being pushed towards the sleek Mercedes, Sesshomaru continued keeping eye contact with the more than likely flea ridden mongrel. Said more than likely flea ridden mongrel kept a steady stare as well, taking note how the other alpha unconsciously laid a firm grip around Inuyasha's bicep, as if to confirm that the hanyou was indeed still within his territory.

_So that's how it is... Interesting, _Kouga thought as he remained where he was, watching as the driver quickly shuffled from his position to open the door for the two inus approaching. Inuyasha pushed Sesshomaru into the back seat, waving the driver off, more than likely going on a spiel of how he could handle shutting a door, and then turning to glare at Kouga again.

"Go home, Kouga! If I so much as see hide or hair of you following me I swear I'll skewer you with a spork!" the hanyou yelled, still standing outside the door.

"What? Aren't you gonna tell me to not wait up?" the wolf couldn't help but shout back in parting. Needless to say that statement earned him a death glare from Inuyasha before the hanyou all but vanished from sight as his hips were latched onto and pulled into the car. The next moment the door shut, obscuring his view of the two thanks to the tinted windows before the car drove off, leaving him alone in front of Ekiedo Grand.

Kouga retained his cocky expression until the car was out of sight, and then slowly allowed the apprehension he had felt inside surface to his facial features. A worried frown appeared, and for the first time since before he met up with InuTaishou, Kouga felt unsure of what to do. Inuyasha was in far deeper than he probably would ever realize if he were with _that_ demon. This was definitely something InuTaishou should be told about, but…

_I'm not gonna betray your trust, Inuyasha. Just stay safe..._

* * *

**Next time on INUYASHA,P.I. Case 10: The Kotodama **

_Dinner, dessert, I don't care what the bastard has planned for me, I plan on fully interrogating him on the whereabouts of my bike…and whatever info he may have on the jewel. But I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have a drink or two…or ten. Holy shit, this guy's got a flat with a city view! Wait. How did I even get to his condo in the first place? And why is he backing me into his bedroom? Next time, on IYPI! _

* * *

**  
Blooper Reel:**

With a sigh, Kouga sluggishly danced over his beloved chips and beer to unlock the door, fully prepared to fix the half breed with a deadpanned glare, only to have his eyes widen instead.

There, leaning against his doorframe in all his hairy legged, sunglasses wearing, yellow booty short, skanky tank-top, red jacket glory was…

"Man-Faye!" Kouga gasped, unable to believe the infamous Cowboy Bebop cosplayer was standing in his door. Eyes darting around nervously, he dropped his voice. "What are you _doing_ here? I thought I said I'd call you…"

"CUT" the director shouted, before leaning over to his PA. "Does he seriously _date_ guys like that?"

**Doodle-eh-doo!**

Ripping the bag open, the demon promptly passed out as a smell foul enough to wake the dead assaulted his nose.

Coming to a full two seconds later, Kouga rushed to the kitchen where he dumped the bag's contents into the sink. Out fell what seemed to be a large rodent tangled in a white dress shirt.

The wolf demon watched for a few seconds as the struggling…thing seemed to straighten itself out within the shirt and begin waving the oversized sleeves about in what was supposed to be a frightening manner.

"oooOOOOoo! Scary ghoooost! Scary ghoooOOoooost!"

"CUT! 'Scary ghost'? Shippo, this isn't an episode of Scooby Doo!"

**Doodle-eh-doo!**

Inuyasha snorted. "Turn right when you hit the next light."

"Not only that, but you made me spill my barbeque flavored potato chips! All over my rug! My _Persian_ rug! Do you have any idea how hard that is to clean? That rug is a 1900s Persian Sultanabad rug! It cost me over three million yen!"

"Now make a….left(?) here. No, wait, it was the next light. And it was another right…I think. So make a U-turn!"

Kouga paused in his ranting. "A U-turn?"

"Yeah! And then a right – well, I guess a left – when you hit…wait."

"How about you just tell me where we're going and I'll decide how to get there?"

"Fuck you, wolf shit! I know my directions! Now turn in right here! Now! Now!"

Growling, Kouga obeyed and nearly fishtailed his way into a parking lot. "Oh, hey! WacDonalds!" he exclaimed as he realized where they were.

"Go through the drive thru! I-"

"CUT! You guys don't have time for food! Get the car back on the road!"

* * *

If you have yet to experience the disturbing awesomeness of Man-Faye, feel free to check out his photo here:

ahja-reyn. livejournal. com/7186.html #cutid1 (without the spaces, obviously)

I must warn you, what you are about to see is not exactly worksafe on the grounds of being highly disturbing.

**6/3/08**: I have pulled out of this cowrite project after writing Case 10 to focus on my ever-growing story list of DOOM! Demitria Miriam has promised me that she will FINISH the story, so to all you die-hard fans out there, take out the spaces in the following link and read on to Case 10!

demitria-miriam. livejournal. com/10383. html


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